


your favorite record

by hoars



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 47,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3665811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoars/pseuds/hoars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty-six fics (mini and otherwise) about Jinki, Kibum and a letter from the alphabet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Arms: Key likes Onew's arms. Really likes them. 

Back: Having a crush is okay but Onew prefers back scratches. 

Cold: Cold temperatures means cuddling, of course.

Drag: Taemin and Key in dresses. A lot of boys in dresses, really, but Jonghyun thinks their guys are the hottest. 

Envy: (AU) Jonghyun crushes hard on his dorky tutor's girlfriend. Ridiculously hard for only seeing her once. 

Fox: (AU) Jinki thinks he just married kumiho.

Girl: Dancing can be frustrating. Thankfully, Key knows some easier ones.

Hoodie: Air travel sometimes leaves them less than their best. 

Insecure: Naked is vulnerable and scary and also, you know, naked.

Jewelry: Jewelry and lube are on the opposite spectrum of expense. It's still easier to get jewelry. 

Kind: Beauty fades; kindness doesn't. Grandmother tries to impart this to her grandson.

Loud: Three times Kibum and Jinki were too loud at the unfortunate expense of their group members. 

Manhandle: Jinki is kind of a stupid boy when it comes to his feelings. Stupid feelings.

Nap: Naps are the best. Naps on the couch? Somehow more awesome. 

Old: Idols eventually get old.

Poetry: Jinki tries to be a good friend, but it's harder than it looks.

Quote: (AU) Jinki is a peaceful university student. Key is an world destroying asteroid. 

Romance: Love takes a little work.

Stage: Onew never said he had good timing.

Trope: (AU) Key might be overworked, he might be a caffeine addict, but nice things are still allowed to happen to him.

Umbrella: Umbrellas are only vaguely useful. 

Vetted: (AU) Jinki meets overprotective big brother Jonghyun for the first time.

Witchcraft: (AU) Jinki is born a witch. 

XOXO: Falling in love is clearly for lunatics.

Y: yoga, yogurt, yo yo, yard, yell, yes, year, yellow, yours, yawn, youth, yummy

Zeal: Onew always gets an A+++ for enthusiasm.


	2. Arms

Jinki picks Kibum up easy. 

The other boy isn't particularly heavy. They weigh roughly the same, and Jinki benches and squats his own weight easily enough. Kibum feels present in his arms. Kibum helpfully wraps his legs around Jinki's waist. 

It's the song and dance they both know better than any coached to them. It's the song humming in both their hearts. The intimate music they've only whispered into each other. Jinki presses Kibum against the wall. 

Gravity and Kibum create a gentle thump.

Jinki is too distracted by the eager mouth biting his own to ask Kibum if he's okay. Experience has taught Jinki that even if he broke the kiss to ask, Kibum would nip his jaw hard in retaliation. It's simpler to give Kibum what he wants now and ask later, especially when Kibum makes a noise in his throat and tightens his legs to create delicious friction. 

Jinki gasps and the sound is swallowed by Kibum. He shudders. Kibum's like a melody, replacing Jinki's thoughts and sense with reckless euphoria. There isn't a thing Jinki loves more than music, but Kibum might be a close runner up. 

Their position can't be held for very long. Maybe eleven minutes. They give it their best, however. 

Jinki places his hands on either side of Kibum's head. Immediately, Kibum grips Jinki's biceps tight to support himself. Jinki's biceps are tense from holding them up and Kibum's fingers barely touch. Jinki grins wildly when Kibum breaks away from their kissing to stare with blown pupils.

"You should work out more," Kibum licks his lips.

For Kibum, the appeal of having Jinki pick him up and press him against a wall is how Jinki's body strains. He likes seeing Jinki's strength. It's an ego boost, even as Jinki's body begins to tremble from effort. 

"You're impossible," Jinki compliments.

Kibum chuckles, self deprecating, and tilts his head back. Jinki wants to press soft kisses against the throat Kibum bares, instead he brushes his nose there. Kibum knows Jinki likes to see him displayed, pliant and wanting, and he's not above exploiting Jinki's likes. 

"You love it," Kibum pants.

"Shut up," Jinki says and nips Kibum.

Kibum is going to leave bruises on Jinki's arms. Again. In the back of his mind, Jinki notes the pain and dismisses it. He noses his way past the collar of Kibum's shirt and gets flesh into his mouth that won't be easily seen and sucks. 

Hard.

Kibum's head thunks back. He's making breathy noises that anywhere more private would be moans. 

Jinki can't hold Kibum up for much longer. 

He moves with purpose against Kibum. The legs around his waist tightening. It makes it easier and more difficult in equal measures. He grunts. Kibum's cries are building, and unless Kibum wants someone to come investigate, he really needs to be quiet. 

"Quiet, quiet, Bummie, quiet," Jinki mumbles into sweaty skin.

Because Kibum is a spiteful shit, he bites Jinki's bicep. Jinki hisses at the unexpected bite. The sharp pain is followed by the bruising force around his hips and vice grip on his arms. He really needs to tell Kibum that some of the women who do his makeup think he's into BDSM from all the bruises, scratch and bites Kibum leaves. 

"Quiet enough for you?" Kibum asks.

Jinki chuckles and steals a kiss. Kibum is warm-warm. Sweat has pooled at Kibum's temples and he's panting.Their kiss becomes more and more messy the longer it's prolonged. Jinki knows his own face is shiny with sweat. He's the best thief, ever. A single kiss developing into many. 

Jinki's arms shake in earnest now. Kibum chuckles, a low and fond, "Old man," escaping him. He breathes hotly against Jinki's face for a second before his feet settle on the ground. 

Immediately, Jinki feels less strained. His muscles ache pleasantly. Kibum pecks Jinki and begins sliding down the wall. 

"Bummie," Jinki says, strangled. 

Kibum doesn't say anything. He let's his hand on Jinki's button speak for him. Jinki can't help but allow his head to thunk against the wall. Kibum looks up, mischievous and seductive, and licks his lips. 

Jinki breathes out sharply.

Fuck.


	3. Back

Realization and clarity about having a crush on Key comes to Onew on set of a new variety show.

It's not the slow blooming of warmth and understanding. Onew doesn't enjoy the experience. He would not recommend feelings to anyone. No, Onew likens the moment he realizes he has a crush on Key to the time he slammed his fingers in the door. Accidental, painful and completely unexpected. 

He sits on his little red cushion in his little blazer in horror because what. Onew's mind races to pinpoint the moment Key went from teammate to crush. He can't recall it. He thinks his feelings most likely developed slowly and unconsciously. Like cancer.

A litany of fuck, fuck, goddamn motherfucker repeats in Onew's mind. The emcee keeps making terrible jokes with members of another band. He thinks that's good. It meant the chances of the cameras recording his terror is less likely. He does not approve of this crush business. Not at all.

Now that he knows what he's looking for, Onew can now contribute all the times his stomach tied itself in knots to prolonged exposure to Key, and not in fact a food allergy. Ignorance was better, because if Onew knows one thing? Key doesn't feel the same. There was a reason Key liked watching girl music videos and it had everything to do with skimpy outfits. This is misery.

He's tempted to eat a bowl of thumbtacks. He'd probably die quicker.

The new variety show was centered around band mates' relationships. It was a bunch of silly activities meant to show fans team members cared about each other besides for work purposes -- pure fan service. The activity to send Onew's world crashing down was a simple one. Just a questionnaire about Key that Onew was timed to fill out. Nothing too bad. 

Until Onew realized he knew the answer to every question and why does he know Key's favorite music video? And BAM. Fingers slammed in the door. Onew realized he knew so much, because he always watched Key. 

Wanted Key.

At least they are ahead in this stupid game.

It could just be a fluke, Onew tries consoling himself.

"How could you get every answer wrong?" The emcee laughs at another group. The emcee collects himself and launches the next missile because why wouldn't the emcee finish destroying Onew's self denial? 

"What is something nice you do for your hyung?" The emcee asks Key.

Key tilts his head like he's in deep thought. Onew can list ten nice things Key does for him: 1. Key helps him with choreography. 2. Key lets Onew have his dessert even when they're dieting. 3. Key pushes blankets on top of Onew when the dorm gets too cold. 4. Key whisper-yells at the others when Onew is trying to sleep and they're being noisy. 5. Key washes Onew's dishes daily. 6. Key buys Onew little treats if he goes to the store late at night. 7. Key lets Onew borrow his clothes without begging first. 8. Key suffers through Onew's nervous tics with good nature. 9. Key will hold Onew's hands between his gloved ones if Onew has forgotten his. 10. Key scratches and rubs his back after a hard day, until Onew falls asleep.

Key doesn't mention any of those and sheepishly shrugs. The emcee laughs, and Onew doesn't care for the emcee's humor. It's mean. Before the man can something to make shawols want Key's head on a platter, Onew blurts the last thing on his mind.

"He takes care of me," and wow, Onew wishes someone would muzzle him. The couldn't have came out more awkward. Even Manager has looked up from his phone to raise an amused eyebrow. "He gives me back massages and scratches it for me." It's a weak sentence, and glee is in the emcee's eyes.

Onew resigns himself to being coupled with Key for the foreseeable future and having his every move watched by fans. No doubt they will suss out his eugh, crush, and bring SHINEee to a screeching halt due to a gay scandal. All Onew wants to do is sing. He should have just joined the university choir. 

"Can we see?" the emcee asks Key.

Onew doesn't have to see Key to know the question makes him uncomfortable. Key can be very open with some things and incredibly closed off about others. Letting the world know he has a heart probably goes in the second category. 

"If Onew-hyung doesn't mind," Key says without hesitation.

Surprised, Onew twists to look at Key. The other boy sits behind Onew serenely, eyes a little soft and amused. It's the same look Key gives Taemin after the kid says something innocently stupid. Onew wants to crawl in a hole and die. Stomach pains, he thinks scornfully, goddamn butterflies. Onew apparently doesn't know anything.

Manager gives Onew a look he's come to understand means, 'you do this, you get a two hour long uninterrupted nap.'

"Sure," comes flying out of his mouth. 

The emcee grins a little psychotically. 

They have Onew take off the blazer and the dress shirt he wore too. It leaves him in his white undershirt. Key scoots closer and Onew's stomach tingles again. No wonder he thought he was dying before coming to his realization. 

The weight of Key's fingers against his back shouldn't surprise him as much as it does. Onew flinches. Key huffs a little. The younger boy starts off gentle. Just by trailing his fingers over Onew's clothed back. It brings to mind nights the boys insist and plead for Onew to watch a movie with them, and Key has him on the floor on his belly with no shirt as Key scratches and rubs oil into sore muscles. Onew can't help the soft groan of appreciation. It's positive association.

And then Key digs his nails in to scratch vigorously. Onew wants to purr. He slumps forward slightly and puts a hand on the floor in front of him to steady himself. Key means business. The emcee and other idols laugh. Onew doesn't care. It feels sooo good. His eyes fall half-lided. 

Maybe if he's lucky Manager will just let it leak that Onew is a hedonist. Nip all the naked oil wrestling people are probably imagining goes on in the dorm in the bud. 

Filming stops a little after Onew's shameless display. The emcee teased them merciless before moving on to the boy clearly hitting on two girls in what must have been the off screen zone. The emcee makes the boy turn beet red and stammer. 

"Don't worry about it airing," Manager informs Onew as they wait for Kibum to redress. "The show is being cancelled. One of the producers was caught having an affair with a company executive. Politics." Manager sighs before frowning slightly. "You going to be okay, kid? You looked a little...spooked."

"Kill me," Onew grumbles a little. 

It might be that Onew is the oldest in age or maybe his personality, but he's Manager's favorite. Manager chases after the others (Minho being the mature and responsible exception) like a cat with wild and unruly kittens. Manager softens and pats Onew on the shoulder.

"Ah, you found out about your crush on Kibum?" Manager asks, sympathetic.

Onew hangs his head. Of course Manager knew about his crush before he did. 

On the bright side, Key scratches and massages Onew's back at home, until Onew is a sleepy mess of delighted nerve endings.

It isn't the absolute worse thing to happen to him.


	4. Cold

Winter's chill lurks in the dorm like a well fed cat.

Jinki shrugs his heavy winter coat off and hangs it up. Outside the chill is like the mountain snow peaks, a perfect breeding ground for ice wraiths intent on devouring all human warmth. It's a wonder the dorm is even this warm. Shoes off and put away, Jinki ventures further inside.

"Hey," Jinki greets.

Kibum is curled up in the corner of the couch. His legs tucked underneath him and head against the cushion. He's watching TV with the laziest expression he's ever seen grace Key's face. The boy hums back in greeting, feline eyes making more of a smile than his mouth.

Jinki could understand. 

It's really, really, really cold.

Jinki unwinds his scarf and heads to his room to deposit his winter accessories. He changes out of his jeans, the scrap of denim against his skin painful, and into sweats. He shuffles back into the living room. 

Kibum hasn't moved.

The other boy appears so meek and docile with his without his war paint or hairstyled. Jinki thinks it's the cold and hectic schedule that's stripped Kibum of his normal fierceness. It doesn't sit right with Jinki. Kibum always demanded attention, sometimes just by breathing and blinking. This creature curled up is rare and makes Jinki nervous. 

It only makes sense to tug off his hoodie, his body heat in the threads from being worn for the past few hours, and push Kibum into it. "Be warm."

Kibum whines, a disgruntled kitten sound. He continues to grumble as Jinki sits right next to him and rearranges Kibum to his liking. They settle with Kibum warming Jinki like a human blanket and Kibum's head in the crook of Jinki's neck. 

The show playing is about bioluminescence and Jinki can feel the second Kibum drifts into sleep. Safe and warm, Jinki leans his head against Kibum's, content to watch something educational while he defrosts. 

Alternatively: 

Key is cold.

Damn fucking cold.

The dorm can't keep the winter tundra the city decided it was from leeching through the wood and glass, and he's tried everything. He cranked the heater on only to find it was never repaired like Manager promised it would be last spring. He layered towels against the window ages to stifle the cold wind just for the towels to fall off the thin window sills. It's freezing and nothing he's done helps.

Kibum tries a hot shower and dresses in so many layers he looks like a marshmallow next. He also steals a fluffy blanket from Jinki's room. He's out of ideas and his body aches from the shivers raging down his spine. If he can't warm up the apartment, then he'll just warm himself. The others would just have to suffer when they got home. 

He settles on the couch and ends up watching a documentary on sea turtles. It's interesting enough Kibum doesn't bother getting up to find the remote. That required too much moving. 

Someone comes home as the program ends and from the lack of noise, he rules out Jonghyun. A moment later Jinki pops from the entry way. "Hey," and Kibum hums in his direction, appraising him beneath half mast eyelids.

He's too cold to manage anything else. Not even to yell that the bottom of Jinki's jeans are caked in ice and getting the floor wet. Jinki nods before disappearing towards the bedrooms. Kibum returns his attention back to his documentary about jellyfish. Maybe. There's a lot of glowing sea critters at least. 

He's nearing the place between hypothermia and freezing to death, surely, when Jinki comes back. He looks comfy and Kibum hates him a little, especially when Jinki smiles at his misery. Kibum's glad he stole Jinki's blanket now. 

Kibum weighs the pros and cons of telling the band leader off before deciding it's too much effort. For his mercy, Kibum gets hit in the face by something dark and warm that smells like all his favorite things rolled into one. It's glorious but then there's moving. What the hell? He whines a little and Jinki is definitely chuckling now. 

The bastard. 

Jinki manhandles him and Jinki's lucky Kibum is conserving all his energy to shiver, or Jinki would be kicked and smacked at. As it is, Kibum lets Jinki pet him into submission with only a little glaring. Kibum relaxes against the other boy, body heat the perfect cure to being cold, and drowsily rest his head head against the leader. 

This is nice.

If Jinki didn't like it, oh well. It was Jinki's job to keep his band mate from turning into a human popsicle. And that's exactly what Kibum will growl if the older boy dares to get up from the couch, although that's doubtful. Kibum yawns. Jinki is such a nice guy...

Relaxed and warming at least, Kibum falls asleep.


	5. Drag

"A new tradition," everyone enthuses. "The fans will love it, and it'll be a lot of fun!"

It sounded hilarious the first time Manager brings it up. Manager could barely explain the company's vision without snickering. Jinki even grinned widely at the idea of someone like Leetuk standing in six inch heels. The idea was a solid one once Manager explained it.

After their rival entertainment company suffered a scandal regarding their female artists and their poor treatment, SMent was more than eager to get ahead of the public. They brainstormed and brainstormed before settling on a host of events and charities for a year. 

One such charity was a beauty pageant where the male idols of SMent would compete against one another in their female alter egos while their female counterparts judged and fans voted online for the winner. Each vote cost about the same as piece of candy, and the proceeds would go towards fighting gender inequality.

Jinki is a little surprised by how badly Jonghyun and Minho want to participate. Jonghyun eagerly scouring his phone for something to wear. But Manager crushes their hopes.

"The company has a pretty good idea how this will turn out, but they still don't want to take any unnecessary risks. The executive producer of Minho's new drama, especially request we leave him out of the dresses until next year," Manager explains. "They requested the participants be Kibum and Taemin, and the following year it will be the three of you."

Jinki wishes he had paid attention a little more to Kibum's thoughtful, "Aa," but the sound was swept away by Jonghyun's sulking. ("Jonghyun, no one will think you are a bad feminist," Manager tries to console. "Kid, if it makes you happy, you can take every publicity opportunity to tell the world about the charity event, deal? Encourage your fans to tune in and spend as much money as possible." )

Maybe if Jinki had been paying attention he would have been able to prepare for the sight of Kibum in a dress. Maybe. It's been a few years since the mini drama that involved the girls' uniforms, and Jinki can still picture the way the skirt looked against Kibum's legs. 

But Jinki is busy with his own activities as well as the other charity events the company allowed him to volunteer for. He knows the ones dressing up are Taemin and Kibum, except he doesn't really know, until Kibum drags Taemin to the dressing rooms.

"Our coordi-noona and I sent your origanal dress back and got you a new one. You aren't a teenager anymore and it's dumb they keep trying to dress you up as one," Jinki hears Kibum tell Taemin. "Flirty and sexy are in right now. If I had your legs--"

The two men and their (one sided) conversation disappears. Jinki can only stare after them.

"What," Jinki says. 

"We're going to win this thing," Jonghyun says. "Our guys are better than all these amateurs." 

"I've seen what Super Junior picked out for Kyuhyun. We're winning for sure," Minho agrees.

The two men fist bump. Since they weren't allowed to dress up this time, the two boys publicly advocated for this charity event, doing more PR for it than asked. Jinki didn't think the two actually wanted to win it. He sighs.

Manager finds them and begins to herd them in the opposite direction. 

"Whoever decided to doing this live would be 'fun' deserves to be shot in a back alley with his pants down," Manager grumbles, frazzled. "Your suits are hanging up in your dressing room. Do not, and I mean it, do not wrinkle them before makeup gets their hands on you. I'm going to keep an eye on the other two troublemakers. A producer already had to talk Taemin down."

The three watch Manager hurry back to the other dressing rooms. He accidentally body checks a member of the hurrying staff. Jinki tilts his head, a little fascinated.

"Bet you a fancy tophat they want him to wax his bits," Minho grins to Jonghyun.

Jonghyun scoffs, "I'm not stupid. You keep your fancy hat."

Two hours later, and they're dressed and have been through hair and makeup. Jinki feels a little off. It's the fastest he's been through dress and makeup for an event of this size. They're herded to a hall by a stern woman with a headset on that dares them to threaten her schedule. 

Jinki is a little overwhelmed, really. The three of them are dressed sharply in black and white formal attire. After all, they're going to be escorting their band mates across the stage for the opening sequence and various segments to promote the entire band, SMent and their positivity for the event. Jonghyun has a speech prepared in his pocket. This was a step beyond a Fancy Event and a whole other realm.

His suit is out to get him. Jinki has worn plenty of well fitting suits in his time. This one took it a step far. The bowtie's attempts at choking him are poor but annoying. The hindrance of his breathing is nothing compared to how tight the fabric feels across his shoulders. What measurements did they use? 

Manager might kill him later, but it sure beats having a seam bust on live broadcast. 

At least the shirt is crisp and white and he keeps the black cummerbund and bowtie on. He still looks classy and not at all like Manager found him at a high school formal. 

Damn it.

Jonghyun looks miserably hot in his entire ensemble of long jacket, waistcoat, decorative scarf and tucked in tie. Jinki can only stare and thank Heaven he had the foresight to never piss off his stylist. He's more than positive it's the woman's revenge for Jonghyun's wandering flirtations. 

Only Minho appears completely natural and at ease in his black and white. His suit measurements were right, Jinki thinks sourly. Minho looks good. The straight line of his pants did everything to accent his long legs and the simple dinner jacket made his shoulder look broad. And the jerk didn't even have the decency to appear like he was sweating.

"I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?" A younger labelmate places near them and Jinki wants to join in. 

This whole thing event has left Jinki with a set of nerves he hasn't felt since pre-debut. He's nervous about how the event will be received, but maybe more so by the fact Kibum was going to do everything to look absolutely stunning and make Taemin stunning as well. What if the black and white half didn't measure up in appearance? A casual eye around the room does nothing to bank his nerves.Some of their older labelmate are dressed way more expensively. 

"You should put your cufflinks on or Kibum will kill you," Jonghyun says critically. He doesn't say anything about Jinki's lost suit jacket. 

"You should stop sweating," Jinki counters faux-cheerful. "You're ruining the makeup artist's hard work." 

"Unless sweaty pig is the look you were going for," Minho adds. "And if it is Key might kill you." 

Jonghyun pouts. Jinki watches with no small amount of amusement as Jonghyun goes to his toes to see over the cluster of heads -- Super Junior and EXO themselves taking up too much space, never mind the various managers, makeup artists, hair stylists, wardrobe members, camera crew, miscellaneous staff and other bands -- and begins shedding his formal wear. The coat is aimlessly shoved into a potted plant and the scarf goes flying. 

"Who even," Jonghyun grumbles.

"Alright! Listen up!" The event director shouts over the din. "We're going to be doing a quick catwalk, introductions and then exit. Simple stuff, people! Try not to mess it up! Where's TVXQ?" 

Slowly, everyone's missing band members begin to reappear. It's like watching flowers pop up between black pebbles.Smells a little like women's perfume too. 

"Oh, wow, Yunho-hyung is the one wearing the dress," Minho says, sounding stunned.

Jinki and Jonghyun both crane their necks to see. And yes, Changmin is standing next to the event director looking classier than Jinki could ever hope to achieve and next to him is Yunho. The older man good, really good, in an ivory gown. His wig is made of pretty good quality too. Jinki would never dare breathe a compliment however. Yunho is frowning at Changmin. 

Changmin proves that he is indeed as fearless as his counterpart when he adds a necklace to Yunho's ensemble. Jinki is a little surprised Yunho didn't give Changmin the Look. Insead Yunho wrinkles his nose at the sparkles and then laughs. 

"Huh," Jonghyun tilts his head. "I didn't expect that. I thought for sure it would be Peach in a dress." 

The reuniting of groups continues and the noise levels just gets louder and louder. 

The five Super Junior members volun-told to dress as women are all dressed in jewel toned dresses with hemlines that go to their knees. They're also taller than normal and Jinki guesses that would be the heels.

Jonghyun whistles, impressed. Minho adds, "Do you see that neckline?" sounding grudgingly impressed too,

"It's Heechul-hyung," Jinki reminds, but he can't quite pull his eyes away either. 

Heechul's red gown has a neckline that drops so far down it raises the question of how they've managed to make it look like has breasts. 

All of Super Junior looks impressive, Their five members look convincingly feminine. Ryeowook keeps swishing his skirt, watching with his head bowed a little. It forces Kyuhyun to fix the other man's wig. The two look striking next to each other in purple and blue, although, Kyuhyun looks less pure and innocent and more rebel pop punk girl.

"Competition seems to be Heechul, Ryeowook and Sungmin," Minho reports to Jonghyun.

"Kibum shouldn't have a problem," Jonghyun dismisses, and privately, Jinki agrees. Those three were very pretty, but Kibum is something else. He always has been. 

"Hmm, Taemin shouldn't have a problem with the other two either. Kyuhyun looks like he wants to set fire to something," Minho sounds delighted by the prospect. Jinki sighs. Minho used to be such a sweet kid. "And Henry keeps tugging on his skirt."

"So awkward," Jonghyun agrees.

Super Junior is hurried out on stage next, and suddenly it's easier for everyone to breathe. It's definitely less hot. Having all those guys around is a fire hazard. Jinki eyes the members of EXO, desperately wishing they would be next or that SHINee would be called out on stage quicker. 

It's Minho that spots Taemin first. He whistles loudly. "Wow!"

"You look--!" Jonghyun doesn't finish his sentence but whoops in joy. "We're so going to win!" 

It's easy to see why:

Taemin's little black dress shows off his shoulders, collarbones and legs -- all very sexy. The cameras are going to be glued to the sight. The dress lends Taemin hips, and Jinki doesn't think anything is stuffed in the cups of the dress, Somehow it makes the sight more alluring. Only when Taemin is closer does Jinki notice the hard not to notice red pumps he's wobbling in. His makeup matches the black dress and red shoes. His short hair hidden under a wig of black hair styled in a messy bun. Taemin looks like a shadow nymph.

Were those a thing? They should be.

"Should I offer him my jacket?" Jonghyun jokes. "He looks like he wants to put more clothes on."

"For once in his life," Jinki agrees.

Minho shakes his head, "I think he might punch you, hyung, for offering."

Jongin helps Taemin when it appears the man is going to trip, an arm around his best friend's waist. Curious, Jinki wonders if Taemin is causing any awkward action in Jongin's pants. 

"They're so gross," Kibum says behind them. "Jongin's been like that since he saw Taemin."

"No wonder. I kind of want to sleep with him."

"You know, I always did wonder-- Key!" 

Jinki doesn't turn around so fast he doesn't notice Taemin's smug expression, and there's no way Taemin didn't hear Jonghyun. Jinki hopes their group can survive tonight. This is a very confusing time for everyone. 

Annnnnd Kibum isn't helping.

Gwiboon from their mini-drama had been young and innocent in her uniform and pigtails. Tonight Jinki gets a brief glimpse into a world where Kibum was born a girl and she matured into a sensual young woman. Kibum is wearing a white strapless dress with a black lace corset and matching shoes with bows. His wig, or extensions or whatever, who knew with Kibum, was braid on top of his head and threaded to make him look like an Elvish princess.

The Gwiboon illusion is completed with silvery and smoky makeup. The fan favorite eyeliner around slanted eyes to make them pop, silver glitter to make them sparkle and pale pink mouth that glistens with lipgloss. All of Kibum glittered and glistened. Even across his collarbones.

"Huh," Jinki wheezes.

His brain temporarily went offline. Give him a few seconds and he'll be back to normal. 

Kibum laughs, baring his throat, and Jinki wants to bite him.

Would Kibum taste like glitter? Does glitter have a taste? Jinki desperately wants to discover the answer and swallows hard.

"You look-- amazing. You look amazing, Kibum," Jinki manages and oh, now Kibum's beaming and nothing is more dangerous than a confident Kibum secure in the knowledge he looks perfect.

"Thanks," Kibum preens. "You--you look like you've lost part of your outfit."

"I'm sorry?" Jinki asks.

Kibum snorts. 

"Oi, pretty boy, you're looking like hot shit tonight," Jonghyun praises. 

Minho does the slow clap, and Jongin and Taemin join in. Kibum preens. 

"SHINee! You're up!" 

Jongin hands Taemin off to Jonghyun with a flirty wink and returns back to his group. Jonghyun watches with suspicion. 

"Are you sure you two aren't gay?" Jonghyun questions.

Taemin links his arm with Jonghyun, so it will look like Jonghyun is escorting him on stage. Taemin's red lips quirk slightly. "Are you sure you aren't gay? I heard what you said, hyung."

Jonghyun rolls his eyes. "Taemin, of course I would sleep with you. Any one of you guys really. This is an attractive group. But that's not what I asked."

"Do we have to have this conversation right now?" Jinki asks, pained. 

"Apparently," Kibum mutters, grinning slightly. 

Jinki bumps shoulders with Kibum. Why did Kibum need to encourage Jonghyun? Always. It was like one of them was the gunpowder and the other was the match. 

"Me too?" Minho asks Jonghyun.

Jinki sighs. The bastards are doing it to get on his nerves now. Minho steps up to Taemin's other side and repeats the same action as Jonghyun.

"Especially you, baby," Jonghyun winks.

"I hate you all," Jinki informs them.

He offers his arm to Kibum. The other man accepting it with grace and laughter. "You love us."

Slowly, they join their friends and colleagues on the stage. The whole time Jinki is intimately aware of how close Kibum is the whole damn time. The brush of his skirt against Jinki's pant leg. Kibum's hand resting on his arm like a band. The hair that tickles Jinki's face when either one of them turns their heads. It's enough contact to make Jinki feel as reckless and unstable as Jonghyun. 

He doesn't think he should be in charge of being Kibum's "date." Jinki thinks it's going straight to his head. When the crowd cheers deafeningly loud at Kibum's reveal, Jinki can't squash the pride he feels. 

It makes him preen a little. The idea that someone as ethereal as Kibum would be seen with a guy like him, well, it's going to give a lot of people conflicting sexual feelings, just like Jinki. 

Hanging back on the stage and looking attentive becomes more and more difficult as more people join them. Woohyun practically drags his group and "escort" over to stand next to Kibum.

"Found a hot date, eh, Key?" Woohyun smirks.

Even Woohyun looks pretty tonight. The stylists employed with SMent must be gods and goddesses. 

Jinki nervously chuckles while Kibum laughs throatily. "Taemin is keeping it classy and found two."

"You're just jealous," Taemin whispers. 

"You SHINee guys know how to party," Woohyun mocks before breaking into giggles.

"Oh, you have no idea," Kibum purrs. 

Kibum's voice is still low. Almost husky now, heady and deeper than most girls', which Jinki appreciates because it's still Kibum inside. It's still Kibum smiling and laughing at everyone, enjoying his pretty dress. That's the best part in Jinki's opinion. 

As gorgeous as Kibum looks, it's still Kibum. It's still Kibum being cooed at and loved. Taemin might be bearing the embarrassment with grace, but Kibum is eating it up.

With the male idols all on the stage, the host kicks off the charity event. 

They are all allowed to wander around in the back again, until their interview portion begins. Manager ordering them to all stick close together, however.

"I should scalp you two," Manager shakes his finger at Jonghyun and Jinki. "Where are your clothes?"

"On Taemin's bedroom floor?" Jongin suggests.

Jinki doesn't like that kid anymore. Taemin snickers. Jinki really doesn't like the way Taemin is darting his eyes between Kibum and him. Not at all. 

Eventually, it's their turn.

Jinki escorts Kibum back onstage while Jonghyun and Minho escort Taemin again. 

They've put a couch on the dais center stage. It doesn't look very big. He wonders how they'll even fit. He wonders how Super Junior fit. And he agrees with Manager. Doing this live sucked.

The host greets them with a wide smile. Jinki thinks it makes the man seem sleazy. The man's eyes flit from Taemin to Kibum and back again, and how well are hosts vetted? 

Minho must agree that the host is a little creepy. He unhooks his arm and settles it around Taemin's shoulders. Jonghyun is frowning slightly, eyes pinched in annoyance. 

Jinki keeps his arm where it's at. Even if Kibum was really Gwiboon, Gwiboon would be furious at the idea that she needed Jinki to protect her. Gwiboon would have been the type to squish seedy men under her dainty heels. 

A quick look at Kibum, and yup, that's Kibum's 'yes, I'm judging you and your life's decisions so hard right now, you fucking creep' expression. 

Jinki smirks.

Poor host has no clue what he's in for.

"Have a seat!" the host waves graciously at the sofa. 

Minho sits first. He keeps a helpful hand on Taemin's hemline while the younger man tries to figure out how to sit without showing everyone how manly he truly is. Taemin hides his discomfort like a professional, and Jonghyun helps him as well. When Taemin settles, Jonghyun sits down as well. 

Kibum moves with the confident air of someone who practiced sitting in his dress and sits with his knees pressed against each other modestly. Jinki settles down next to him. 

The five of them together are squished, but Jinki really wouldn't prefer it any other way.

The interview is routine and nothing deviates from the approved question list: Is this your first time dressed as a woman? How is the experience? What do you manly men think? How did you think your fans reacted? Anything you want to say about female coworkers? And on and on the questions and anecdotes go. 

Taemin stays sandwiched between Minho and Jonghyun. Sometimes nearly in their laps. Their youngest keeps trying to smile pleasantly and not reveal how awkward awkward he feels. Even if Minho and Jonghyun holding both his hands tight are dead giveaways. 

Jonghyun expertly deflects the more uncomfortable questions that were most certainly were not on the approved list. Minho keeps complimenting both men at regular intervals as well as praising their female coworkers extensively. Jinki's proud of them. 

Taemin teases that he might be pretty than most girls, but he thinks their female coworkers are better than him in many aspects. Jinki mentions all the lovely women he's worked closely with, and how he's always known they were passionate individuals and he's glad the rest of world will too. Kibum also adds his thoughts about how the women they've worked with deserve more, especially since they were all so talented and how he wished girl groups were bigger than they were. 

A few times Jonghyun gets an odd, honest expression on his face. Almost like he wants to push Jinki off the couch and be the gentleman to Kibum's lady. He never does and always returns his attention back to their youngest. It's curious.

Jinki won't ask. He's afraid of the answer. He likes sitting next to Kibum and getting glitter on his clothes because of how close they are pressed together. Loves the light smell of vanilla he can smell coming off Kibum.

The camera light blinks off to signal a halt to filming. Another staff member rushes to the dais and couch to hand them more mics. The host leaves them to drink water and get his own makeup touched up.

"We'll let you guys ad lib for a little bit and then call in the next group," the director informs them.

Manager looms behind the director as a silent reminder not to fuck up.

It comes up, of course it does, because Kibum and God hate Jinki, "Ahhh, aren't I pretty?" Kibum flutters his eyelashes and the others laugh but--

"You're always pretty," falls right out of Jinki's mouth. 

Kibum blushes and shies away. Jinki can't tell if it's false modesty or sincere embarrassment. To cover his slip, Jinki turns up his Onew charm.

Jonghyun whoops and laughs, "Awe, does Onew-hyung have a crush on Gwiboon?" The strange glint is back in the other vocalist's eyes again but disappears as quickly as before.

Minho says something, a comment lost to Jinki due to his preoccupation with Jonghyun, and he kicks the bottom of Kibum's heel. Kibum's knee bounces and his skirt flutters. Kibum rolls his eyes and fixes his skirt as quickly as it moved. 

"Hey," Jinki protests because no gentleman would let that slight against his date go. 

He throws a cufflink he never managed to put on at Minho's head. Minho ducks behind Taemin. It bounces off Taemin's shoulder. Jonghyun and Kibum laugh.

"Bully," Taemin pouts.

"I think Onew-hyung is sweet," Kibum says, embracing his inner Gwiboon. Nothing throws him long. "Thank you, old man," and Jinki reads the dare in Kibum's eyes and flick of his tongue against glossed lips. 

Jinki grins and grabs Kibum's hand tongue lace their fingers.

"But it's true," Jinki lays it on thick. "You always look great."

Kibum glows with delight. He places the mic in his lap and leans to peck Jinki on the cheek. All Jinki can smell for a brief second is sweetness.

Friends bite each other, right? Sometimes?

Their ad lib ends and the camera light switches off again.

The staff floods the stage. They collect the mics and men are setting the dais with another couch. The host shakes all their hands, lingering too long on Taemin.

Jonghyun stands up, forcing the host to step away, and really hams up how glad he is for the event. While Jonghyun does that Minho helps Taemin off the couch. It's an embarrassing process due to his heels and hemline. 

They're going to get so drunk tonight. It's the only Jinki can think of saying, "Sorry, guys," and, "well, that was awkward," and, "please tell me no one noticed my inappropriate boner," and still be able to look each other in the eye in the morning. 

Kibum stands with grace and tugs at Jinki.

"Let's go. I have to change for the talent portion," Kibum straightens his dress and fixes Jinki's outfit too. "You should help me change. Taemin nearly had a break down fighting with the zipper. You should have seen it. The producers had to talk him down."

Kibum leads him by the hand, making Jinki trail behind him slightly. This new sight introduces a very captivating hemline. Why didn't he notice how short it was before? 

He drags his eyes away to see if anyone else has noticed. Manager is staring at Jinki with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Sheepish, Jinki shrugs. 

Kibum is hot.

"It went well, right?" Kibum asks on their way out. 

Jinki focuses back on his friend. He smiles slightly. Despite the years and the confidence Kibum now had, Jinki is smug to admit (even if just in the privacy of his thoughts) Kibum craves his approval like they were rookies again. 

"Of course, you were perfect," Jinki murmurs. "It was hard to look at anyone but you."

Kibum's smile is sweet and proud. His dimples make an appearance, and Jinki wants to kiss them. Kibum's shoulders relax.

Ahead of them, the death grip Taemin has on Jonghyun and Minho is a little alarming. Jinki can just imagine the coddling they're going to have to do. Poor guy is nearly as tall as Minho in his heels. 

"I'm going to break my ankle and be crippled for life," Taemin bitches, losing the sweet facade the more they distance themselves. "How does Boa wear these?"

"She's a goddess," Jonghyun says cheerfully at the same time Minho says, "Good thing we have you insured." 

The night ends on their dorm floor with bottles of stolen champagne and dainty wine flutes. 

Taemin is sprawled inelegant and scandalous in how sits in his evening gown. His runner up, princess sash across his chest. 

"These things suck. I thought we had it bad but shit," Taemin expresses with distaste. "I feel like someone's property."

Minho's shirt is unturned and his tie is wrapped around his forehead. He's smirking and rewinding the television as he replays his favorite parts of the program they just did. The current scene he's watching is Kyuhyun stopping mid catwalk to take off his heels and Heechul face palming in the background.

Jonghyun wears only his white muscle shirt and dress pants, smiles lazily at Taemin, "Does this mean you're joining the movement?" 

"Yes!"

And so the night goes. 

Jinki lays on the floor. Too lazy to remove his formal wear. He feels high on vanilla and glitter. Kibum is nestled against him. 

A warm weight that simmers down the want the evening provoked in his gut. It's still there: a beast waiting. For now, Jinki is content with petting Kibum. Gentle touches where the skirt has ridden up. 

Kibum returns the touch with his own. Playing with the ribbing in the cummerbund. His hand making lazy promises.

Anticipation simmers beneath their skins. Probably called to arms by the damn glitter. For now Jinki can ignore how badly he wants to push Kibum's dress up and run his hands up smooth thighs and nudge Kibum's knees apart.

They have all the time to do this right.

 

 

The right time finds them after Minho has carried Taemin to bed, and Jonghyun has enlisted Kibum's help to undress their youngest. 

"I've only undressed women," Jonghyun murmured. 

"Not much of a difference now, is there?" Kibum snorted back.

The right time finds them after Jonghyun and Minho leave and come back with snacks only to fall asleep to the program, cuddled like puppies in a bed of junk food and wrappers.

Jinki tossed a blanket over the two while Kibum turned off the TV and lights. 

When it's finally the right time, Jinki leads Kibum to his room by the hand.


	6. Envy

"Who knew?" Jonghyun mumbles into his drink and keeps his eyes glued to the woman that captivated his gaze.

He can't believe Jinki Lee -- his awkward tutor that embarrasses and humiliates himself on an hourly basis -- has managed to land someone that hot. Not that Jonghyun doesn't like the older student. He does. 

The amount of respect Jonghyun has for Jink approaches hero worship thanks to how Jinki not only saved his grades but his scholarship too. The dangers of university, Jonghyun learned the hard way first semester, is all the temptation is now in one place with zero parental supervision. He always just figured Jinki had no game. 

How wrong he was.

Jonghyun can't look away.

He's awed by the girl Jinki has his arm around. Her dress is short, which Jonghyun is always a fan of, cream colored and spotted with shiny gold hearts. She's inviting everyone to look at her, and when a lady asks you to do something, you do it. Jonghyun is really being a gentleman. Not that anyone would have to twist his arm to get him to drink in how her dress is tight at the bust and fits down her small waist and flares out into the short skirt that teases at everything Jonghyun has ever wanted since he hit puberty. 

Her tits might be small, he thinks critically, but any bigger and she'd look disproportionate. Besides in his opinion, her legs more than made up for her chest. Creamy and fit, her calves make Jonghyun's eyes linger more than the tasteful frock. 

He licks his lips.

She's wearing black high heels, putting her calves in relief, and he maybe wants to kneel in front of her. Get on his knees and pull her lef over his shoulder so he can worship properly. He still can't get over how beautiful his tutor's date is. He's starting to feel a little creepy fantasizing about her, but her feline eyes and smirk are enough to haunt him for the rest of the night. Especially since he's ordered another drink.

Guilt eats at him a little bit when she tugs on Jinki's collar to get his attention and the pure affection and love reflecting in their faces makes him feel dirty. He's a sick man. What he needs to do is look away and find a beautiful girl and invite her back to his dorm and forget about this girl and her amazing legs. 

He doesn't do that.

An hour later finds him slightly more drunk than before with Taemin at the bar. It still doesn't make sense to Jonghyun. How did awkward, clumsy, goofball Jinki get a girl like that to say yes to one date, much less fall in love with him? Maybe they were actually related and super friendly? If Jonghyun closed his eyes, he could easily pretend they look alike enough to be related.

"She's his cousin, right? Or his step-sister?" he asks Taemin, a little desperate.

Taemin frowns at him in confusion. Jonghyun indicates the girl making Jinki and their friends laugh. Her teeth are white and perfect when she throws her head back. Gorgeous.

"Uh, no," Taemin laughs. "They have sex. Really, really hot, kinky sex."

"How can you know that?" Jonghyun whines. "Why would you say that? I am clearly suffering." 

Mirth makes Taemin's shoulders shake and he breathlessly gasps, "You'd know it too if you just paid attention."

Taemin's ominous words stay with Jonghyun past the night. 

Jonghyun spent the right of the evening drinking out of wine spritzers and watching Jinki be the perfect gentleman. He pulled the chair out for his date and helped scoot her in. He draped his dinner jacket across her shoulders when she shivered and rubbed her arms. Jonghyun had been tempted to rip his own jacket off and bundle her up. God, he was pathetic.

He couldn't look away when they danced together. The couple only had eyes for each other. The joy on her face when Jinki leaned in to whisper in her ear... It made Jonghyun ache with loneliness. 

The entire night is an exercise in self-control and Taemin's patience. When Jinki's hands mimic butterfly kisses across her skin in a dark corner and kisses her deeply --no one would have saw them, but Jonghyun was being a creep -- Jonghyun whined and wanted so damn hard. 

It's not his fault that he begins searching for her during the day except--

His only real clue is Jinki. 

Jinki might be a nice guy, but Jonghyun thinks even Jinki would try breaking his nose if Jonghyun asked him about his hot girlfriend and would he mind introducing them so Jonghyun can try stealing her away? Instead Jonghyun does the mature thing and inconspicuously follows Jinki around campus.

Jinki Lee spends most of his time on campus or home at his off campus apartment. He studies hard, which Jonghyun knew, otherwise why would people be paying him to tutor them? Jonghyun was always under the impression that smart people did the intelligent thing like attend class and turn in the coursework. Jinki, unfortunately, never meets his girlfriend on campus. He does, however, meet up with his roommate a lot.

Jinki's roommate is a slender man with eclectic fashion sense and caramel hair. The way he dresses impresses Jonghyun. If he tried wearing any of those outfits, he'd be laughed out of university. Jinki's roommate clearly belongs in magazines. That guy could wear a burlap bag and the city would be sold out by the end of the week. There's also something about him that draws Jonghyun's eye. Something vaguely familiar, but he can't pinpoint what it is exactly. Something about his face and eyes...

"Who is that?" Jonghyun finally asks Taemin.

Despite how much he watches, Jonghyun has never heard the guy's name. He has seen the guy disappear into the theater building often enough Taemin has to know. His friend practically lived there when he wasn't hanging out with Jonghyun. 

Jonghyun has his suspicions the basis of their friendship has less to do with listening to music, and everything to do with his roommate, Minho. Still, they were friends. Jonghyun didn't mention Taemin's hopeless crush and Taemin didn't alert campus security to Jonghyun's almost criminal behavior. 

"Kibum Kim," Taemin says, sly and smirking. Jonghyun wants to hit him. "But everyone calls him Key."

"Kibum--eugh," It didn't fit the man he sees sporting trendy hair and tight black skinny jeans. "Key, Key, Key," he repeats the name to memorize it. "He's a theater major, right?"

"Creative design," Taemin corrects. "Jinki-hyung gets him to participate in a lot of musicals though. I think he might be minoring."

It's not stalking.

And if it is--

It's Taemin's fault, and Jonghyun doesn't know he's liable. He's clearly mentally unstable. Or at least that's what he tells himself when he goes out of his way to search through the library's many stacks. He just wants to ask his tutor a question. That sounds plausible, right?

He's at a loss when he can't find Jinki. It's like he vanished from campus. Jinki goes to his classes and the tutoring sessions and then poof. No Jinki. Is Jinki meeting with his girlfriend those hours Jonghyun doesn't know where he is? Or does he meet her in somewhere while Jonghyun is in class?

His dreams are haunted by a face he's starting to forget, and it's even worse than before. There's times he feels that if he forget her, she'll stop existing. That's something he can't risk.

"You're a miserable bastard," Taemin sighs into his ear one Friday night after too many drinks.

"She's gone," Jonghyun mourns.

Like a good friend, Taemin helps Jonghyun home. They have to lean against a few walls. In terms of weight, Jonghyun has a few pounds on Taemin, and it shows in how they lurch around like they've both been swimming in the bottom of a bottle. It's during such a break, Taemin breathing heavy, Jonghyun starts mumbling about Jinki's girlfriend.

Taemin breaks.

"I can't take this anymore," Taemin groans. "Jinki-hyung and Key-hyung are both working on a new musical. They've been practicing a lot. They have practice again during your poetry class tomorrow." 

Jonghyun blinks.

This is fantastic! He still has his lead! He just has to be a better sleuth. 

That must be when Jinki meets up with his girlfriend. Unless they broke up. Which isn't likely because Jonghyun is unlucky and Jonghyun is pretty sure Jinki had a love bite last session. 

"Call Minho. I have his number saved in my phone. He's a nice guy. He'll help us get home," or at least that's what he intends to say, but ends up just slurring Minho's name a lot and trying to take off his clothes in his search for his cell phone. 

The next morning Jonghyun calls his hangover the 'flu and skips his classes. He stays in bed until the world stops titling. He literally crawls from bed. He holds the dorm floor for a little while, getting the determination to stand up and start the activities that will make him a human being once again. By the time he showers and brushes his teeth, it's time for his poetry class.

He decides to skip it and investigate his newest lead instead. 

Jonghyun slips into theater with no comment or funny looks. He finds a spot in the back and sits down. There's plenty of people sitting in the audience. He figures they're friends or participants in the musical. It doesn't take him long to spot his tutor. 

Jinki sits in the second row. His feet are on the chair in front of him and he seems to be studying. The chair next to him is filled with bags and a colorful jacket. Not all of it could be Jinki's and that jacket looks familiar. Jinki and his roommate must be close. 

Did musical theater help improve studying? Jonghyun can't think of another reason why Jinki would chose here and now to study. Jinki doesn't even look up when dancers walk on stage! 

Jonghyun breaks his attention from Jinki. The girls in this musical are pretty hot. Jonghyun leans forward. They have legs that rival hers -- that'd make sense, if Jinki's girlfriend was a dancer. The girls are giggling and playful. He loves that they aren't body shy. Watching their muscles flex as they move is definitely the highlight of his afternoon. 

He's enjoying the flexibility of the girls, damn, when Jinki's roommate shows up on stage. He's stretching, one arm across his chest, and dressed down for once. A bandana is tied around his forehead. A simple black muscle shirt that doesn't hide his arms and stark collarbones. It's unfair how good Key still looks. 

Even sitting all the way in the back, Jonghyun knows the body Key dresses so nice is very attractive. Except for the sweats. Jonghyun frowns. The sweats Key wore are too big, and he has them rolled up a few times around his waist to keep them up. Jesus, did he take them from Jinki's closet?

Key's sexy. If you like that type. He isn't like Jonghyun. Jonghyun might be short, but he worked hard on his body. He's well defined, and his dates have never complained.

And the Key starts dancing with the girls.

Key's hips sway and shimmy like the other dancers, and Jonghyun can't look away. He's too busy having a religious experience. The dance moves the girls were practicing before slither effortless up Key's body. It's fucking seductive as hell.

It's not right how he moves.

The girl in the sports bra and yoga pants (really, Jonghyun needs to hang out here more often, God) laughs and swats at Key. Key laughs back at her and holds a hand out to her and oh--

They're dancing together and somehow that's more devastating. Jonghyun can't figure out where to look. At the bounce of the girl's chest and truly magnificent ass or the tense lines of Key's torso. 

Jonghyun's broken from his starring, and increasingly disturbing fantasies about watching the dancer dominant Key between her thighs -- look how pretty she looks around his waist -- and for fuck's sake.

Jonghyun's fantasies should at least include him.

"Looks good, guys!" Jinki whistles from the audience.

Yes, yes they did. Very good. Jonghyun might need a few minutes locked in a bathroom stall they looked so good. Nice understatement, Jinki Lee. 

Key and the dancer step apart. Jonghyun isn't close to catch the exchange between Jinki and his roommate, but Key's smile is strangely familiar. 

The female dancers are gesturing for Jinki to get on stage. The idea is comical, and Jonghyun waits in anticipation. Jinki's so clumsy, this can only be funny.

It takes a few minutes, but Jinki is standing up to join them on stage. Key helps pull Jinki up, and seems to say something about the dancers. Jonghyun might be a tad too far, but he thinks he looks like mischief. 

The dancer all laugh, loud and bright. So loud in fact, Jonghyun catches, "You should dance too! So Key can show Minnie how to do it right!"

Jonghyun watches Jinki step close to Key and hold his hands out for their dance. He's more than ready to see Jinki fall flat on his face. 

But--

Jonghyun doesn't move. Jinki and Key start to move together, twisting and swaying. Jinki leads and Key follows. Key hands all his trust to Jinki. Jonghyun's head is going to explode. 

Because he recognizes that smile. He recognizes those hips under JInki's hands. He recognizes that expression on Jinki's face. The way they look so in love with each other.

What.

No.

But their eyes don't lie.

Jinki's full of love and adoration and devotion just like that night, and Key reflects the same emotions back. It's intense. Jonghyun wants to look away. Maybe to escape. Maybe to cry. He can't.

This is romantic porn. Worse than any rom-com or over the top drama. Pure porn. 

Jonghyun just has to imagine Key with a long haired wig, and its not hard. 

At all. 

Jonghyun leaves the theater as Key locks his leg around Jinki's waist and leans back. Like the girl dancer did with Key. Not to hurt Jonghyun. He can't handle this.

He's tempted to kill Taemin. He had to have known. No wonder he always cackled whenever he mentioned Key's name and Jinki's mysterious girlfriend. Jonghyun rushes away, burning in embarrassment and shame.

A week later, he's back at the theater, sitting in the third row.

Finding out the girl he's so obsessed with is really a cross-dressing man should have been a deal breaker, but here he is. And when he sees Key with Jinki, he wants so bad his body aches,

"God damn it."


	7. Fox

“Your son is so intelligent and obedient.” Mrs. Kim sighs wistfully to his mother the second time Jonghyun makes the tabloids.

“We are very proud of him.” Mother beams.

All Jinki Lee’s life he’s been a good son. No. A great son. He’s brought his parents nothing but pride in the twenty-four years he’s been alive. 

He's done his best in school and won enough academic awards the school’s staff adored him despite his friendship with the bane of their existences, Jonghyun Kim. Then off he went to a prestigious university where he graduated in the top percent with a business degree. A degree he didn’t particularly want but still obtained in order to work in the family business. The very same family business that is a household name and is more of a family corporation. He's squashed down his own dreams all for the sake of following his father’s main wish for his only son: to take over when he retires.

Jinki is a god damn wonderful son.

“I’m a wonderful son.” He repeats to himself, a strangled whisper.

Today, Jinki stands in front of over a thousand wedding guests. Guests for his wedding. They sit in their finest clothes and the amount of custom gowns and bespoke suits in one area makes Jinki want to breathe into a brown paper bag. 

The guests sit in silver chairs to match the theme his soon to be mother in law decided on. He swallows hard. Sweat beads in his hairline despite the pleasant weather and his stomach is attempting to claw it’s way up and out his mouth from nerves.

An arranged marriage is just one more duty he has to do for his family. One more way to make them proud. He can do this. He is doing this. He has to. After all, what was one son’s happiness if the marriage could tie together one of the largest magazine publications and advertising businesses together?

He was present for the first two meeting negotiations. At first it fanciful talk of ways to create a lasting partnership between Ki Publications and Onew Advertisements. Jinki had even cracked a smile the first time his father and Mr. Kim jokingly suggested their only children get married. A few private dinners later and the two men were becoming serious. 

No, a simple business contract wouldn't do. They would also have to merge their families. Become a feared, powerful and most importantly, rich, dynasty.

By the time wedding announcements were mailed, Jink wished he hadn't smiled. 

Jinki has never physically met the magazine heiress. Both their schedules were too jam packed to share a quick dinner together before the wedding. Jinki would know. He tried getting in touch with her to make sure he wasn't going to ruin her life. Simply put though, they didn't run in the same circles. 

At all.

Gwiboon Kim is a woman entirely too beautiful to be seen anywhere near him or his friends. Jinki like every hot blooded male with heterosexual leanings has admired her picture from billboards to tabloids. 

Jinki always knew Gwiboon Kim was attractive, but when he started learning about his future wife, his inadequacy became worse. Gwiboon sponsored up and coming fashion designers from low income backgrounds, created programs to empower girls and women, and worked to create better housing for the homeless. She's out of his league, and he knows it.

His mother praises Gwiboon's accomplishments with pride as if she was already apart of the family:

“She used to model when she was younger, but now she works for her father as the art director for their largest publication – the fashion magazine. Jihye assures me her daughter earned her position. And she splits her time between the magazine to volunteer in the community. She’s perfect, Jinki-baby.” 

Jinki doesn't know how to tell his mom it is those exact type of pep talks that makes him have nightmares of Gwiboon walking towards the altar, taking one look at Jinki and calling off the wedding. 

He doesn’t know how anyone could live through that embarrassment. The tabloids would have a field day. Jinki might have to kill himself to save his family’s pride.

The estate’s gardens are overflowing with flowers. Mostly white flowers but some are dusted to look silver and the fragrance is so strong he wishes he could drown and die in the scent. He curses the combined forces of his mother and Gwiboon’s mother. Together they’ve created the event of the year if not the decade. No expense was spared for their children’s wedding. He hopes the same care goes into his funeral.

The suit created for his wedding is suffocating, and he prays he doesn’t faint. That’d be embarrassing. Jonghyun and Minho would never let him live it down and his new wife would probably think so poorly of him—

Then the music starts: a violin quartet accompanied by a piano and are those doves being released?

His best man, Jonghyun, begins the procession by escorting the sweet, tender faced maid of honor down the aisle. Jonghyun's eyebrows wiggle in approval and when he passes Jinki to take his spot next to him, he mutters, "Dude, your bride is a fox! Chill!" He smiles in what he must think is in an encouraging manner, but Jinki already knew Gwiboon could give a kumiho a run for her money. 

Jonghyun is not helping. 

He swallows hard.

The next couple down the aisle are Minho and another incredibly beautiful woman and aren't the bridesmaids supposed to look terrible compared to the bride? Someone told him that once and he had nodded at the time because, sure, okay, but now he can't breathe. The two bridesmaids he's seen so far belong in magazines and on runways and now that he thinks about it, they were probably Gwiboon's supermodel friends. He need really needs that paper bag now.

"Calm down." Minho whispers, eyes wide and concerned.

Jinki does the opposite, of course. 

Every time Minho has ever told him to calm down in that tone it's usually followed by them getting into so much trouble caregivers were dismissed or reassigned and hospital visits. The last time Minho said, "Calm down," was right before the bat attacked Jinki and he was required to get five painful anti-rabies shots. It wasn't a good set of memories and he doesn't appreciate being reminded of it right now.

He whimpers slightly, barely paying attention to the other groomsmen and bridesmaids walking towards him and taking their places at the altar with him.

Next the flowers girls begin to prance down the aisle. Cute little cherubs that are taking glee in throwing flower petals around and at least someone is joyous today, he thinks hysterically, because after flower girls is the bride and her father.

The music changes, the song recognizable and horrifying. He considers running. Jonghyun and Minho would cover him. They were his best friends. They would do anything for him. 

Unfortunately his mother is sitting in the first row and her teary gaze and beaming smile keeps him rooted in place. Remembering to breathe through his nose and out his mouth, he turns his gaze to Mr. Kim escorting his daughter down the aisle.

As in walking besides her because he was going to be formally entrusting Jinki to take care of her and keep her happy and he can't do this. He's going to run, really, his mother and entire family be damned, and then he actually looks at the celestial being Mr. Kim swears is his daughter.

Gwiboon takes his breath away. 

She glows in her white-silver dress. The dress a proper ballgown and the tulle makes her look soft. Her black hair has silver flowers woven in it that matches the theme their mothers have picked, and she’s so finely put together he feels sloppy in comparison. It’s her face though, that makes it difficult to remember he needs air. She’s beautiful. That goes without saying, but her sharp cheekbones and kissable lips aren’t what does it for him, it's the slant of her eyes outlined in black and shadowed with silver powder. Her eyes are so dark they appear black and the way she holds his gaze—he swallows hard, despite how dry his mouth feels.

Predatory.

Mr. Kim places his daughter’s hand in Jinki’s. Absently, Jinki knows the man says something, some sort of threat about taking care of his little girl, but she’s right here. The slight smile on her lips is making the hair on his neck stand up. 

Her eyes burn. 

She burns.

Like a nine tail fox, and he tries to smile. He doesn’t know if he manages it, so he greets her as she takes her place at the altar by his side, “Nice to meet you.”

She tilts her head at him, her surprise making her glitter, “Nice to meet you too.”

The official clears his throat and the ceremony begins, “Dearly beloved...”

To be honest, Jinki doesn’t remember what leads to him kissing his bride to seal their lifelong commitment. Her lips taste like mint, maybe from her toothpaste or gum, which he gets. He’s been sucking on mints all morning. He tries to keep the kiss chaste because he’s never met her before, and he doesn’t want her to get the wrong impression. He can hear the applause and he panics. How long is too long to kiss his bride?

God knows what Jinki would have done, but drops of water landing on his cheek startle him enough to break away from Gwiboon and see where they came from.

It's rain. It's raining. On his wedding day. The same day three meteorologists and a psychic swore would be all sunshine and clear skies to two mothers and one wedding planner.

He stares a little in disbelief. The sun still shines and the clouds match the wedding theme: white and silver. A sun shower? 

Jinki doesn’t have long to dwell on the weather. Gwiboon brings his attention back to her when she throws her arms around his neck and really kisses him. Her tongue flickers against his lips and his mouth opens automatic and everyone and God is here, didn’t Gwiboon have any shame?

She pulls back, her eyes impish and playful and he’s in trouble. She’s going to kill him. Gwiboon throws her head back and laughs, her face catching the rain and sunlight and she looks—

Kumiho.

The word pops into mind and refuses to leave.

Jinki doesn’t remember posing for the wedding photos. His thoughts are tumbling after each other: kumiho aren’t real, fox spirits are just a legend, fuck, she’s gorgeous, don’t foxes get married during sunshowers?

He doesn’t come back to reality until he’s seated next to Gwiboon at the head table. Her dress is large enough to act as a buffer between them. It makes Jinki feel strangely lonely. Their parents and their associates monopolize all the conversation around them. 

Glumly, Jinki watches Jonghyun hit on the maid of honor and Minho charm the flower girls by helping them pluck flower petals from the table’s center piece to throw around some more petals around. He wishes he was sitting with them. His bride must feel the same. She's watching Jonghyun and her friend with misery too.

Jinki leans as close as her dress allows, "Jonghyun is kind of a dog, in case you wanted to rescue your friend."

Gwiboon scoffs. "Taeyeon is kind of a maneater, in case you wanted to rescue your friend."

He chuckles slightly. The woman Jonghyun was talking to did have a certain delinquency about her now that he's looking. He's almost looking forward to the fallout.

"She doesn't have a criminal history, does she?" Jinki asks.

"No," Gwiboon shakes her head, and she smirks at him. "She's too smart to get caught."

They chat, a little. They talk about what Taeyeon is likely to do to Jonghyun if he fucks up, and what Jonghyun would do if Taeyeon did the fucking up. Which naturally leads into Gwiboon sharing all the latest gossip about everyone sitting around them.

“He’s fucking one of the bridesmaids.” Gwiboon points blatantly at his father’s right hand man.

“His wife has been sleeping with Jonghyun in revenge.” Jinki agrees.

An uncomfortable silence falls on the table as the two in discussion gasp and glare at each other.

“Ah! Time to cut the cake!” Jihye Kim exclaims before they can make anyone else more uncomfortable at their table.

Jinki loses track of his new wife shortly after the cake is cut. He thinks her friends dragged her to the bathroom, but he isn’t sure. The guests are blinding him and all he knows for sure is someone left him next to a delicious wedding cake and army of wedding cupcakes.

He eats as many as he can before the guests make him feel claustrophobic with their well wishes and advice for a happy marriage. He makes his escape into the estate house where there’s less people, most of the guests trying to enjoy the last rays of sunlight before coming inside to more food, drink and music.

Jonghyun and an unopened bottle of whiskey find him hiding from all the guests and his family a while later, “You are a sad bastard, Jinki. Have a drink.”

Jonghyun sprawls on the floor and allows the groom first swig.

Minho finds them not long after that. “Don’t get him too drunk.” But contrary to his words he sits next to them on the floor, beckoning for the bottle with a wave.

They pass the whiskey back and forth. Each groomsman doing his best to bring a smile to Jinki’s face. He almost feels ready to face the reception again when a tipsy Jihye Kim finds him, begging him to dance.

“Um—“ He panics.

“I’ll dance with you, ma’am.” Minho cuts in smoothly. “It’d be an honor to dance with someone so beautiful.”

“Well, aren’t you a gentleman.” She giggles like a woman a third her age.

Jihye Kim leads Minho away by the hand, still giggling, and behind her back Minho makes a face at Jinki.

“Good man.” Jonghyun says somberly. “We’ll drink to his sacrifice.”

And they do until the honey brunette – Taeyeon – beckons Jonghyun with a wicked smile and a curling finger.

“Man—“ Jonghyun says, want and guilt heavy in his voice.

“Go.” Jinki rolls his eyes.

Jonghyun practically throws himself down the hall to get to her and Jinki sighs with a slight smile. He’s defeated and alone again, so he does what he should have done when he realized she was missing – Jinki goes searching for his new wife, whiskey still in hand. 

He opens and closes too many doors before he finds Gwiboon. He's a little scarred by all the sex happening at his reception, but at least his dad would be glad to have dirt on Mrs. Park. Fucking your young and female assistant at your rival's son's wedding probably wasn't a good idea. 

Gwiboon is sitting on the floor out on the balcony. She's leaning against the columns and looking down at the reception now lit up with fairy lights. Her gown is splayed around her and kumiho pops into mind again. Jinki drunkenly pushes the thought away. In her lap is a bowl of blueberries he knows are infused with vodka that she's absently munching on. 

Lovely.

He clears his throat, "Mind if I sit with you?"

Gwiboon snorts in amusement. Her eyes are slanted in a sly manner and once again he thinks, the kumiho disguise themselves as beautiful women. He needs to lay off the whiskey. 

“Your house.” Gwiboon says. “Your wife.” She adds bitterly. “I think you can do whatever you want.”

Under any other circumstances, Jinki would have cringed and left the woman alone. But this woman is his wife and he really doesn’t want to start their marriage with more awkwardness than two strangers meeting on their wedding day already have. He plops down next to her, sitting on her dress and nearly tipping her across his lap. She catches herself on his thigh and huffs.

“Sorry,” He tells her meekly and helps her sit comfortably again, nearly a lost cause with her poofy dress. 

When he and Jonghyun opened the whiskey, it was full and now it’s half full. The liquor’s made him plenty bold. “It’s your house too now. And I can be the wife, if you don’t want to be. I don’t mind.”

Gwiboon arches a defined eyebrow at him. “What?” Her tongue is stained purple too and Jinki wonders how long she’s been eating the alcohol infused berries. Long enough to taste like blueberries and vodka instead of toothpaste, maybe? He’s almost tempted to find out.

“I want to make you happy, so you can be the husband and I’ll be the wife.” Jinki repeats as earnestly and clearly as he can. He might be drunker than he thought. It made sense in his own head.

“I don’t follow—what?” Gwiboon repeats.

“I haven’t seen you smile once. Not really.” He informs her. The whiskey keeping him warm with courage. “I don’t know what type of husband I’d be, but I know I can be a good wife.” He stares her in the eyes. “I promise to take care of you. No matter what. I promise to be yours and only yours. I won’t stray. I won’t lie to you. I’ll support you anyway you’d like me to. Financially or personally.” He shrugs at her, drunk and embarrassed. “I don’t want to take anything away from you, Gwiboon. I just hope I can add positively to your life.”

Gwiboon stares at him hard before growling. “How are you a real man?” Jinki feels a stab of hurt at that but it’s crushed by her next words. “I wanted to hate you. I wanted you to be some chauvinistic asshole. I walked down the aisle today fully expecting some smug ass to make me his little woman today and instead I get you. You.” She makes the strange growling sound again, and Jinki holds still because she doesn’t sound disgust by him but—“You looked so fucking terrified of me. Like I was going to eat you that I couldn’t.”

“You’re pretty enough to eat livers.” Jinki shyly interrupts.

“Yah! Be a good wife and keep your mouth shut until I’m finished.” She flings a blueberry at his head. It bounces off and lands in the white-silver mass of her dress. “You almost had a heart attack when I slipped you tongue.”

“It was our first kiss! In front of our parents!” He defends.

“It was our second.” Gwiboon smiles, a small coy thing that shuts him up faster than the second blueberry to the face. “You’re a good one, Jinki Lee. You might not see it, but you are. Not many guys would be as kind as you’ve been.” She looks away from him, uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I deserve to be your wife. I'm kind of a bitch."

"No, you aren't!" Jinki protests. "You're strong and proud. I admire that about you. What you said to that photographer-- you're helping redefine beauty in the fashion industry. Little girls look up to you.You're teaching them they're all worth respect and good futures. You're a great role model."

"You researched me?" Gwiboon asks, sounding delighted.

"Yeah." Jinki nods, a little embarrassed. "I wanted to know a little more about the woman I was getting married to."

Everything is beautiful from here. The flowers. The stars. The fairy lights. The lingering smell of rain. It might be the alcohol talking, but Jinki feels like the entire universe is breathing alongside him and Gwiboon.

"I was too pissed to research you." Gwiboon says, her shoulders moving up and down. She blushes slightly. "I interrogated your family and friends earlier. They were all very eager to tell me how kind you are. And how much of a dork." She giggles and bounces her head up and down when Jink mutters darkly, "Jonghyun."

"I think if given a choice I would have picked you anyways." Gwiboon smiles bashful and her dimples. Jinki wants to press his cheek against hers just to bask completely in her smile. "I'd be honored to be your husband, Jinki. After all, you're kind of cute. With a smile like yours, you can turn any girl stupid."

Jinki blushes violently at the compliment.. Gwiboon smiles again, fox-like and pretty, and launches into a dozen anecdotes no one could resist telling her about him. He provides extra details to some of the stories, like why Minho and Jinki thought it would be a good idea to climb down a chimney, “To be fair, we didn’t know about the bats,” and how the blame for terrifying their entire dorm during their school days into buying protection charms from ghosts was really Jonghyun’s fault, even if Jinki used the experience as a project for his Leaders of Tomorrow class. “My mom was furious and my dad bought me my first car he was so proud.”

She laughs and smiles and presses blueberries against his lips. He opens his mouth. Tartness and bitterness explodes on his tongue but worth it for the split seconds he tasted her fingers against his lips. He licks his lips afterwards to chase her taste and knows he isn't fooling her when her nearly black eyes follow the movement.

He trades her his whiskey for stories of her childhood and he hears about how she meet Taeyeon in boarding school and how they would smile sweetly at the teachers and rule the school black-market with an iron fist, “Chocolate back in those days was the best form of currency. That and test answers.”

She also points out all her scars and how she got them.

"This one is from running from the police at a rave bust.” She says, pointing to the heel of her palm. He hisses in sympathy before laughing at the image of elegant Gwiboon Kim running like a teenage delinquent from the police for underage drinking. “I was reckless as a kid. I love to dance and Taeyeon and I would go to all the parties and raves.”

“We could go to one if you wanted.” Jinki suggests as the wistful expression on her face tugs at his heart. “We’ll go disguised and you can teach all the girls how to really dance.” She holds out more blueberries for him to eat, laughter in her voice. “Don’t think I didn’t notice your lack of dancing ability. I’ll teach you too.”

“I can dance!” He protests around a mouthful of berries. “I’m just very clumsy.”

Eventually, they’re found. They are the main event, after all and it was silly to think people would forget about them and leave them in peace.

“Ohhhhhh newlyweds! Your parents are looking for you—are you serious?” Jonghyun bursts into laugh.

“Oh Jesus,” Taeyeon sighs and her hair is mussed, like someone couldn’t keep his fingers out of it, and her dress doesn’t sit as nicely on her frame as it did before. "How drunk are you two?"

Gwiboon takes another hearty swig of his whiskey and look at that, it's almost gone. "Not so drunk I can't tell you had nasty sex in a closet recently." His new husband snarks and she's glorious, really. "You slut."

“Shut it, bitch.” Taeyeon says back, laughing and patting at her really ruined hair.

“Can you even stand up?” Jonghyun asks him.

“Maybe.” Jinki settles on without trying to get up. He nudges Gwiboon to feed him more blueberries. She coos and slips a few past his lips and praises him, “You’re such an adorable wife. I’m probably going to take advantage of you later tonight.”

“I think we need to sober them up first.” Jonghyun tells Taeyeon. “I feel like this might be our fault since we were getting better…acquainted…rather than pulling the alcohol out of their hands.”

“I’ll take care of Gwiboon.” Taeyeon smiles devilish. Jinki doesn’t trust her smile one bit. Nope. “It’s always fun sticking her face in a tub of ice water.”

Jinki also doesn’t trust the expression on Jonghyun’s face either. It’s too smitten. “Can I have your number? I think we might be soulmates.”

“I’m going to throw up on you two if you get anymore disgusting,” Gwiboon informs them dryly.

“I’m telling you because we’re friends, Jonghyun, but that woman is a she-demon. No. Wait—what did you call her earlier?” Jinki asks his husband. 

Gwiboon smirks at Taeyeon, “A mannibal. A man cannibal.”

“Yeah.” Jinki nods gravely. “She’ll eat you, Jjong.”

“Oh good, they’re getting along.” Taeyeon grumbles.

Jinki doesn’t remember how their friends sober them up except for vague impressions: his collar is wet, his ears are waterlogged and he tastes like coffee.

All Jinki knows with certainty is he’s able to stand in front of all the wedding guests without embarrassing the family name and business, and bow without toppling over, which is more than he can say for Gwiboon, who he keeps a balancing hand on. The hair around her face is wet and her dimples are lovely to look at and he starts believing being married might not be too bad as long as it’s her.

“You’re beautiful," He tells her for the first time, in front of all the guests, all their friends and all their family.

Gwiboon glows brighter than any mythical fox spirit could, even if the fox swallowed the moon and stars, and distantly, he can hear Mr. Kim chuckled and say, “Their marriage will be a happy one.”

Nothing is important to remember after that. Not the cheers and applauding from the guests. Not the backslap from Jonghyun or Minho’s, “I told you so.” Not his mother crying and embracing Gwiboon and repeatedly welcoming her to the family. Not the approval in Mr. Kim’s face or the hand he extends to Jinki.

Nothing expect Gwiboon’s captivating fox eyes.

They manage to sneak from the party for real when the major shareholders make their excuses. Gwiboon leads them to their suite, and Jinki doesn’t have time for nerves. She’s smirking outside their door before she grabs him by the neck, again, and kisses him like she’s marking him hers.

“Are you going to be a good wife and make love to me?” She asks, eyes dark.

“Whatever you want.” He tells her, already trying to kiss her again. She does taste like blueberries.

“Good boy,” Gwiboon breathes after he pins her against the door to take all her kisses. “But first you have to carry me over the threshold.”

The dress is almost too much. He’s tempted to ask her if they can strip her out of it first, but he manages and she glows with happiness when she’s in his arms and he steps them over the line between their bedroom and the hall.

"If I help you take off your dress, you aren't going to turn into fox, are you?" he asks lightheaded and suspicious.

She laughs, bright and happy. "For the last time! I'm not a fox spirit here to eat your liver."

“That’s exactly what a liver eating fox would say.” Jinki tells her.

Her dress zipper is hidden artfully in the white-silver tulle. He pulls it down, the teeth clicking as he does so, and sparks warm his gut, not unlike the way the whiskey did. Gwiboon’s skin is slowly revealed, and his breaths become softer, anticipation squeezing his lungs. She hums, a pleased sound that has him running experimental fingertips down her spine, just to see if she’ll arch into the touch, which she does with a pleased sigh.

Gwiboon smirks at him over her shoulder, eyes half mast and dangerous. He shudders in response. Her gaze has a way of making him feel completely bare – no skin or muscle or bones even – and she can see his atoms and all that makes him Jinki Lee. He drags the zipper the rest of the way down and his fingers feel numb.

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he takes a step back and unbidden senseless thoughts come out, “I’m a little disappointed you don’t have any tails.”

She laughs loudly at his stupidity like he’s joking. He’s fuzzy from the alcohol and zippers and cupcakes and Gwiboon and he never stood a chance, did he, when she turns around to face him, her deft hands making quick work of his buttons and the buttonholes. She slips his shirt off, her hands a pleasurable glide. The small skin on skin contact sensational.

Her wedding gown wants to pull down, somehow it still clings to her, and Jinki is being a good wife when he holds the bones of the bodice under both hands, feeling her hips. He watches unblinking as she runs her hands downs his arms, making appreciative noises.

“I have such a pretty wife," she says, her eyes sparking like fox fire and Jinki wants to kiss her again. “Shirt off, sweetheart," she croons and pulls off his undershirt with both hands, touching his torso reverently.

He needs to let go of her dress to lift the shirt over his head and he’s blinded by the cotton of his own clothing before being reacquainted with his vision of her. It's a shock he doesn't have a heart attack on the spot. The wedding gown is pooled at her feet, like her imaginary tails are spread out in the white-silver fabric.

"It's okay, baby boy. I've got you." She teases and drags his hands to touch her body. "It's time you perform your "wifely" duties."

Jinki whimpers because not all kumiho eat livers, some eat hearts and this one is going to to devour his, he just knows it.


	8. Girl

Some days it feels like all they do is practice, practice, practice.

Hour after hour is spent in the studio in front of wall length mirrors on hardwood floors. Twist, jump, bend, pop. It can be frustrating, especially when Jinki keeps forgetting moves he's just figured out, can't find the flow in this damn song, and he's going to ban Taemin from the dance studio. 

It's so discouraging to see how quickly Taemin gets it, his body speaking his most favorite language. Jinki knows their youngest feels the same way about singing their songs, but it doesn't make this any easier. 

"I need food. This shit is impossible," Jonghyun makes a face and picks himself off the floor. 

Minho grunts in agreement. Sweat beads at his temples and his eyes annoyed.

"You're coming," Minho tells Taemin. "If you get any better, I'm breaking your knee." Tamin laughs, but if Minho doesn't break Taemin's knee, Jinki will.

"Coming?" Jonghyun asks Kibum expectantly.

Kibum shakes his head. "I want to practice a little longer."

Jonghyun rolls his eyes but nods. "What about you, leader-leader?"

"I can't," Jinki says.

He isn't doing the worst, but he's older and the company expects more from him. Minho nods in sympathy. The three leave, loudly, pushing at each other.

"What part do you want to practice?" Kibum asks, fiddling with the music.

Jinki barely refrains from saying, 'All of it,' and shrugs. 

Jinki won't admit it, but he's relieved Kibum decided to stay behind. He does better watching Kibum. Taemin is elegance against Kibum's energy. Jinki has a better eye for energy than elegance. 

The song ends, again, and he sighs. His movements are still jerky and wrong. He looks like a rusty Tinman. 

"Maybe you should take a break," Kibum suggests.

"Maybe you should shut up," Jinki says, only partially teasing, and that more than anything makes him sit down to watch Kibum.

Kibum is having his own issues with the dance. He keeps twisting his body in different ways, frowning. Jinki knows he's trying to make one movement into the next seamless. It makes Jinki feel a little better, knowing their second best dancer is having problems too.

But it also reminds Jinki of Kibum's talent for girl group dances. How easy it was for him to move his everything. How the asshole only needs to see it once in order to perform it. 

In the mirror, Kibum catches Jinki's eye. He looks tired. They're all tired. This fucking routine--

"Show me a girl dance," Jinki says, desperate for a reason to laugh or even just smile. The enthusiasm Kibum had for his hobby was infectious.

Kibum bites his lip, clearly torn, before nodding, "Sure. Anything in particular?"

"Something easy," Jinki says.

Kibum nods and goes to change the music. It takes a few moments for Kibum to decide on what song, and when the one he picks finally filters through the speakers, Jinki snorts in laughter.

"Really?" 

"The beginning of this song is all feet, hips and attitude. The attitude is the most important part."

Jinki laughs, nearly doubles over when he catches glimpses of himself in the mirror. Kibum grins wildly next to him. Sparks of, 'this is fun,' reminds Jinki why he bothers with dancing in the first place.

"A little more like this," Kibum moves from next to JInki to behind him, and even seeing him move, Jinki is still surprised by Kibum's hands on his hips. 

Kibum's hands are big and firm. Jinki carefully doesn't think about it.

"Now the face -- the 'you're fucking hot and no one is good enough for you' face," Jinki snorts in laughter again. 

Jinki stops the dance when it becomes apparent the song escaped him. He doesn't pull away. He rather likes having Kibum behind him, guiding hands on his hips. Kibum hooks his chin over Jinki's shoulder when it becomes clear the older boy is done.

"Feel better?" Kibum asks.

Jinki nods. Leaning back slightly, he can feel the solidity of Kibum's stance, and stares at their reflections. Kibum nearly disappears behind him, except for his face and hands. 

It's very strange, and Jinki runs his fingers over Kibum's hands, feather light, before he can think about how strange that is. Kibum steps closer, pressing them warmly together. Jinki watches their reflection even as they begin to sway.

"Much better," he agrees.


	9. Hoodie

Kibum takes one look at his mussed hair, sleep puffy face and purple eyes and refuses to get off the plane. 

"Look at me," Kibum almost cries.

"You look adorable," Taemin tries to comfort. "The fans love the sleepy look." Which was easy for their youngest to say. If Taemin didn't look cute and precious at all times, the fans might rebel and demand Taemin be removed to better his career.

"I'm not adorable," Kibum says flatly.

"No, no you aren't," Minho agrees, helping them get their bags down from the overhead. "And your Lockets will cry if you're photographed like that."

"I need a mirror and my bag," Kibum demands.

Jonghyun freezes in the middlie of pulling on his jackets. Kibum can literally see him calculate how long it'll take him to be satisfied with his apperance, and even with Jonghyun's math skills, he's coming up with too damn long. 

Upon reaching this conclusion, Jonghyun punches Minho. Hard. "Look what you did. We're going to be stuck on this place for the next two hours. We won't get home until dawn. You suck." 

"No, no, no," Taemin whines. "I'm tired. Kibum, come on, you look great."

The commotion garners the attentuon o their leader. 

Jinki comes over to dsicover why his littles are taking so damn long. The bastard looks perfectly presentable in black. He always looks tired nowdays, but his face is still attractive and his MVPs were going to sqeal and cry. The worst part is Kibum can't even blame them.

"What's the problem?" Jinki asks, raising his eyebrow at his group.

Minho is rubbing his stomach and beginning to loom menacingly at Jonghyun. Jonghyun is eyeing Minho, clearly wondering if he had a chance in a fight. Taemin is on the fringe, hiding what seemed to be Kibum's carry-on behind his legs. Kibum blinks at Jinki with shiny eyes in the midst of it all.

"I can't be seen in public," Kibum says the same time the others say:

"Minho is starting shit."

"Key is holding us hostage."

"It was a joke, damn it."

Jinki sighs.

After a busy week filled from dawn to midnight, he's not surprised his littles are fraying around the edges. From having to share their beds, resulting in poor sleep quality, and the lack of decent food, it was probably another factor for short tempers. 

To be honest, Jinki expected something like this to happen ever since Minho stole Taemin's sweet roll, Kibum kicked Minho's ankle in revenge and Jonghyun glared sullenly because Taemin stole everyone's Kibum shaped pillow. Everyone was acting like damn toddlers.

"Taemin, go ahead," First he had to get rid of Kibum's carry-on. 

Taemin blinks a few times, confused as to why he's being singled out, when Jonghyun subtly kicks Kibum's bag. Immediately after, their youngest is quick to shuffle out. He keeps his actions as secretive as he can. Kibum still looks ready to cry and fall asleep all at one. Kibum's nap during the flight wasn't enough, Jinki decides.

"Minho, please take my bag," Minho sighs but takes Jinki's bag. 

He too hurries his way from the plan. Perhaps he feared Jonghyun trying to hit him again. Jonghyun would try if he felt like Minho was still being a bully. Jinki wishes Manager wasn't bound and determined to get the woman he sat next to's phone number. This should be his headache.

"Jonghyun, go look after them, please. No fighting," Jinki orders next.

Jonghyun confirms. Adjusts his grip on his bag, tweaks Kibum on the nose and follows the other two. Jinki hopes by the time they leave security his group will look presentable for pictures and won't need to be smuggled out of the airport. Jonghyun could be responsible. Maybe, just maybe, he would remember blood and bruises didn't reflect well on their group. 

Maybe if they were a metal rock band it would work.

Left alone with Jinki, Kibum feels his frown loosen a little.

He's tired and achy and wants to cry. It's unreasonable. He's unreasonable and he knows he's also very ridiculous. 

Jinki kneels in front of him, holding Kibum's face between two hands, and rubs his thumbs at sleep lines. The lines are slowly fading. Kibum pushes into the touch slightly. 

"You look tired," Jinki says to his friend. Kibum sighs and closes his eyes. Agreement in all but words. "But I'm going to take care of you, okay? I always take care of you. Right?" Kibum nods again. "Then trust me, I've got you."

Kibum sighs, as if gathering his strength, and stands up. He sways in Jinki's space. Jinki needs to grab him by the hips, still kneeling, and steadies him. Rest and food, Jinki thinks, will solve a lot of this. "Easy,' Jinki says. 

Only when Jinki is positive Kibum can stand on his own does he stand too. 

"We have a few options. We can use your scarf--"

Key shakes his head and mumbles, "Left it at the terminal."

Jinki nods to show he's listening. "We can put your hood down?" he suggests next.

"Not deep enough," Kibum says. 

"Then we can only do one thing," Jinki chuckles. 

Jinki unzips his own hoodie and starts pushing Kibum into it. He zips it up for the stunned boy. He also pulls the hood up for Kibum and it does shadow Kibum's face nicely. The hood neatly hides a puffy and lined face and wrecked hair. Kibum looks very mysterious.

"There we go. All covered up but your Lockets will still be able to tell we didn't abandon you." 

"You'll get cold," Kibum protests even as he pulls the large sleeves over his hands and hunkers down.

The hoodie smells like Jinki. The accumulation of laundry detergent, deordorant, pomade and Jinkiness strong in the soft and comfortable fabric. Daring and sneaky, Kibum tucks his nose under the black hoodie. It's even warm for Jinki. 

"I've got my vest and sweater," Jinki disagrees with a tired smile. "Let's go home."


	10. Insecure

Jinki never takes off his shirt when they have sex, and Kibum never asks him too.

Kibum sees everything, sometimes too much, but it also means Kibum knows when to push and when to let something go.

The longer there's this thing between them, the more comfortable Jinki feels to wear the thinner, white, almost sheer undershirts. The longer they're together but not-together Kibum earns his welcome to skirt his fingers underneath. Kibum’s touch against bare skin makes Jinki close his eyes and resist the urge to ask for more.

It's a big leap for Jinki to remove his shirt -- leave no barrier at all between them -- and when he does, he's very adamant the lights stay off. Kibum doesn't laugh or snort, just nods, because he sees more of Jinki than the older boy is comfortable with. It's being seen at all as himself, as the person rather than the idol, that makes the chance of Kibum seeing something he doesn't like so worth it.

And it really is worth it. Worth every touch and the perfect slide of skin against skin. It's everything Jinki craved from Kibum's questioning touches as they kissed.

It's why the knock-knock against the bathroom door makes Jinki freeze. Water continues riveting down his back. In order to shower there has to be a certain amount of nudity, and the bathroom should be illuminated (Jinki already has problems with the wet floor, he doesn't need to add darkness too). 

He stays still. He doesn't know what he wants. All he can focus on is breathing. The soft latch of the door as it opens feels like a gunshot. It closes and Jinki forces himself to relax. He looks past the shower glass.

Lilac hair.

Kibum.

The younger man stays near the door, and asks, barely audible over the water, "This okay?" 

A part of Jinki wants to shout "No," and "Please leave." The other part, the larger part that enjoys the dance of Kibum's fingers against his hipbones and across his collarbones answers so quiet he needs to repeat himself, "Okay."

Kibum undresses efficiently and draws the rolling glass door to the side and steps in behind Jinki. With Kibum comes the cool air and Jinki wants to shrink in himself. From the chill or Kibum's eyes, Jinki doesn't know.

"Want me to close my eyes?" Kibum asks, tone teasing slightly, but Jinki comforts himself with the knowledge that if he said yes, Kibum would shower with his eyes closed.

Knowing that gives Jinki a little more strength and he shakes his head, "It's fine, Come here."

He pulls Kibum close and under the spray too.Good hurt fills Jinki as Kibum observes him. His gaze is almost like a caress. Kibum looks like he's trying to look his fill, commit every detail to memory. 

It's frightening and exhilarating in equal measures. Kibum loves him. Jinki can see it in how tender Kibum's eyes are. He blushes.

Kibum says nothing. He doesn't need to with eyes like that. 

The younger man pours shampoo into his hand and motions for Jinki. The older man can't squish his pleased moan when Kibum begins massaging the soap into his hair and scalp. Jinki didn't even know his roots ached until they stopped. Jinki closes his eyes and leans into the touch more. 

Kibum is careful as he washes the suds out. No soap in Jinki's eyes. 

Next is conditioner which Jinki normally doesn't use, so this must be Kibum's special repairing cream stuff. It makes Kibum's hair super soft like kitten fur and he can only vainly hope it does something for his bleach dry hair. 

"Should let it sit," Kibum hums. 

Jinki's awareness of Kibum informs him Kibum must be washing up now too. He's not feeling brave enough to open his eyes. Not yet. 

"I'm going to rinse your hair again."

Jinki nods his understanding and welcomes the fingers in his hair and against his scalp. He hums in pleasure. Despite his original discomfort he would prefer Kibum to join him every shower if only for the head massages.

"Move over," Kibum directs. "I need to rinse."

Jinki opens his eyes and moves out of the spray. Kibum brushes past him and the wet slide of skin is something they've been missing out on, clearly. Kibum grins, a touch wicked, but continues his way to rinse off. Jinki contents himself with watching instead.

Lines are changing today. Some lines being made solid and dark. (loves, loves, loves Kibum) and others are being crossed to gentle erase them from the other side. (Kibum loves, loves, loves too).

Jinki feels exclusive. Safer. Secure. He never wondered if Kibum was messing with other people. It was never any of his business, but he thinks if he asked, if they were to define what they had, Kibum would call him a dumbass. He would deserve it too.

Jinki smiles at Kibum then, and he doesn't flinch when the younger man starts spreading body wash all over him. Kibum runs the loofah down the length of Jinki's torso and stomach. Scented suds everywhere. Jinki doesn't hunch into himself and avert his eyes in embarrassment. 

No, he holds Kibum's face between his hands and rubs his thumbs across sharp cheekbones. Kibum smiles too, eyes soft. So soft and tender. Jinki nuzzles their noses together. 

"You're such a sap," Kibum says, affection and love taking the sting out of the words.

"And you aren't?" Jinki asks, amused and very in love.


	11. Jewelry

The ring Jinki throws across the room is expensive and one of a kind. He's never going to find it again. Not that he cares, although, he swallows a protest from the other man. It'll be one hell of a tip for housekeeping.

He pulls the rest of Kibum's rings off and lets them clatter to the floor. They might get lost underfoot and never be seen again, but it's hard to care when Kibum's fingers are bare. Finally. Jinki's been waiting for this all night.

"Lube," Kibum asks-demands.

Kibum searches for slick. Jinki would help, but the golden earring in Kibum's cartilage holds his attention. The gold reflects a very distorted image of Jinki. It sets him off.

He knows he should calm down. Take a deep breathe. Maybe crack a joke. But he wants, oh god, he wants. He catches the chain around Kibum's throat and barely tugs it. The thin (and no doubt expensive) chain breaks and there's more money down the drain. The chain slithers down Kibum's body to pool at their feet. 

Jinki tries not to be smug.

"Hey--" Kibum reproaches, but the removal of Jinki's belt obliterates any more of a reprimand.

Lube is harder to replace than jewelry with their lifestyles. It annoys Jinki sometimes because the watch he's trying to remove costs more than some people earn in six months and what he really wants costs about the same as lunch at a hole in the wall restaurant. He doesn't care that most people would kill to have his things. They could have them.

Jinki only wants one thing and that's Kibum inside him.

"Where's the good lube?" and there's been so many temporary beds, packed and unpacked suitcases and rooms across the world Jinki can't remember either.

So he shrugs, uncaring if Kibum finds something slick or if they have to use spit. It won't be the first time Jinki has insisted on it or the last. 

(Of course if the situation was reversed and it was Kibum and spit was all they had, Jinki would refuse to use more than three fingers. Not because Kibum is delicate but because Jinki can kind of a bastard. He loves nothing more than hearing Kibum beg and beg for more knowing he won't get it. Kibum turns into a writhing, needy creature just for Jinki. Kibum's pupils get large and his hands claw at Jinki for everything and more, until Jinki sucks the hollow of Kibum's throat and Kibum pulls Jinki's hair, breath hitching. There's never been a more gorgeous or wrecked sight.)

Kibum tosses his belt across the room in the general direction of clothes that need to be put away and undoes the button and zipper to push Jinki's pants down. Jinki envies Kibum's ability to do it one handed and so smoothly. His own attempts at removing Kibum's pants usually end in frustration that he takes out on Kibum. He liked to bite at sharp hip bones until Kibum did it for him. It's little wonder, when he thinks about it, that Kibum's become an expert. 

As Kibum removes pants and underwear, his nails tantalize Jinki's thighs and calves. Kibum is bent now. Jinki can see the top of his head and oh, oh, oh. Jinki is supposed to be removing his shirt.

Kibum's shirt is long abandoned. Jinki yanks his own shirt off inelegantly, but no one cares especially not Kibum, because Kibum is busy being a damn tease. Kibum kisses petal soft against Jinki's dick and no one would ever guess Kibum kisses like a damn flower, gentle and lovely. All because he thinks it's funny. 

At least, Jinki feels with a surge of mine, no one better guess that Kibum likes to gaze mischievously up at Jinki, eyes kohl smeared, while he kitten licks at the tip. Jinki holds as still as possible. His abdominal muscles flex in strain. He hopes Kibum will do something soon, but heaven forbid he hurry Kibum.

Kibum likes it to be a surprise.

Sometimes he swallows Jinki down. Grabs the back of Jinki's thighs and encourages Jinki to fuck his mouth. Other times, especially if spit and time are all they have, he'll turn Jinki around and put his mouth to good use. It depends on Kibum's mood. 

He could also pull away. Stand up and kiss Jinki like he's trying to taste the music, fingers caressing until Jinki turns the kisses into bites. Kibum likes to play. He likes pushing Jinki. Not many could. 

Today, Kibum is playful. He nuzzles Jinki. Precome drawing a line across Kibum's cheek. The light stubble on Kibum's face burns a little. 

"Lube?" Jinki asks. They never did find it, did they?

"Check under the mattress."

Jinki tears the sheets from their neat order and grasps for the slick. It's there. Yes, finally. He wasn't sure if it would be. Housekeeping could keep the jewelry they find if it meant they would be discreet about what was between the mattress and box spring. A glance over his shoulder shows Kibum busy at removing the rest of his clothes, eyes pinned to Jinki.

"Found it," he manages to say, the air too hot in his lungs and throat. 

Kibum holds out an expectant hand. "How do you want it today, big brother?" and Kibum always knows what will make Jinki shudder and his dick twitch. 

"I want you under me."

"Yeah, okay," Kibum agrees. 

He shoves Jinki on the bed and returns to his flower-kisses, kitten-licks and stubble-nuzzles. As he does this, he preps Jinki. One finger makes the want thrumming inside ravenous and two fingers makes Jinki growl, "Kibum." Three fingers push and pull, making the soft touches on his dick almost painful. 

"Kibum," he says sharper and the asshole smirks at him.

"Yeah?" and Jinki's been waiting to feel Kibum inside since Kibum shadowed him on stage. Pressed front to back while they performed, Kibum's pelvis nestled against his ass. The jewelry on Kibum's fingers glinted under all the lights as he ran them up Jinki's thighs.

"On your back," Jinki demands. 

Kibum does this on purpose. He likes when Jinki takes control, even in this, maybe especially in this, because Kibum's a bossy bottom but an eager to please top. 

And finally, finally, finally Jinki can sink down and gaze at Kibum. The younger man tosses his head back, arching into Jinki like a repeat performance of what happened on stage. He never stops petting Jinki's thighs and he gets so loud.

Gold glints through Kibum's black hair after Jinki slumps down against Kibum's chest. He's satisfied and ready to sleep but that earring-- 

He keeps see it on the back of his eyelids.


	12. Kind

"Give your love to someone kind," Grandmother advised solemnly. "Beauty is passing."

She rested a hand against her little grandson's face. Kibum doesn't know it, but Grandmother can already see the type of man he'll be. When she pressed her thumbs against his cheeks she saw the worst of his parents shine beautifully in his face. She dared hope her grandson would be loved for more than his face. But she's had these hopes before and it was in vain.

Her Kibummie nodded back seriously, picking up her solemnity but not understanding it. He was little still. At his age nice was defined as polite and well mannered. It irritated her.

The kindness she wanted her Kibummie to experience came from a good, honest heart. Too often darkness hid behind the walls of polite behavior. The boy's father was enough evidence of that. 

What she wanted for her grandson was a woman that would respect him, but speak her mind when Kibum was wrong. That would honestly smile when she was happy with Kibum and frown when she wasn't. Grandmother wanted someone as honest as she was raising Kibum to be for her grandson's wife. 

Her little love participates in as talent show that steals him away. It makes him happy, so happy, and no one is willing to take his dreams from him. Her daughter frets. 

Her daughter is all nerves. Grandmother's daughter is a flighty woman with unsteady hands and big heart. It's the family heart, but her daughter's leaks love like a coriander. It's why Grandmother raises Kibum instead. 

"Eomma, is this best for him?" Her daughter asks. 

"Do not hold him back. If he falls, we will catch him," Grandmother says.

At the company office Grandmother watches her daughter and grandson sign the paperwork. There's a shine in Kibumme's eyes and when she kisses his cheek in front of everyone, he returns it. A grateful, "Thank you," whispered in her ear.

The passage of time during which her grandson spends too much time away from home speeds by. Grandmother shares many sorrowful eyes with her daughter. Their Kibum is so tired. Too many dinners are saved in the fridge and they tiptoe as not to wake him when he does sleep. 

Then comes the day Grandmother and her daughter feared would never come. Somber face men invite them to an office in Seoul. In the office is a table with stacks of paper. A contract.

"He'll be apart of a band named SHINee," Glasses says, tiny smile in place. "They are very promising. We expect big things."

Her daughter flutters. Indecision making her daughter stall and upset. They have heard the rumors from their neighbors about the company. They have seen how Kibum pushes himself with so little award. But this isn't her daughter's decision.

"This is what you want?" Grandmother asks.

She stares him in the eyes shaped like her own. They reflect fire. The same fire she used to keep hidden in herself because of her husband. The same fire her daughter uses to do what scares her.

"Yes," he says with no uncertainty. 

"He'll be fine," she smirks and Kibummie shares the expression.

Her daughter still hesitates but signs the contract. 

Later, when they prepare dinner together, her daughter whispers, "But will he be okay?"

Kibum should be packing. He's moving to Seoul. He's moving into his new dorm with his new team. Instead he hovers just out of his mother's eyesight. 

"My dear," Grandmother says, confident and loud. "He's going to eat them alive."

Kibum smiles from his hiding spot. It's a very promising and predatory smile. 

 

Saying goodbye is a bittersweet affair.

They go with him to his new home. It's a cramped two room plus kitchen apartment. It's bigger than the apartment Grandmother shared with her husband when they were newlyweds. It will be a good starting point for Kibum. He can only go up.

She helps him make his bed. It's a bunk bed and it takes a few times to get the corners tucked correctly. Kibum is meticulous in removing the wrinkles from his blankets. Grandmother fluffs his pillows as she waits. 

His breathing is deep and shaky, and there's a reason her daughter is in the kitchen with the other parents and children. Her daughter can be strong, but it takes steel to let your child go into the world when they are so afraid.   
Kibum hugs her tightly. In a few months he will be taller than her. She wraps her arms him too and squeezes and doesn't let him go. He shakes against her, fear eating at him. 

"Shhhh, it will be okay," she comforts. "I am so proud of you." 

She feels his salt sticky tears and pats his back. Her daughter would have whisked the world boy back home by now. Over his shoulder Grandmother can see a boy not much older hovering in the doorway. His eyes are wide and he's so very young. They're all too young.

She feels bad for boy. Manager introduced him as the group leader. He's barely out of school and it shows, yet somehow he is expected to help manage his group. She hopes he's up for the task. 

When their eyes meet the boy nods gravely. Grandmother takes it as a promise. It's the beginning of everything, she'll recount years later.

The debut and subsequent popularity of Kibum's group keeps him from them more and more. It's a rare holiday he's allowed to visit. The money is good, and he sends his checks home like a good boy.

Her daughter takes half and saves it. "Just in case," she says anxiously. Popularity now doesn't necessarily mean success later and they both want him to go to university after high school. She sends the other half back.

Which Kibum promptly halves again to send back. Grandmother watches this battle of wills happen for weeks before her daughter wins. "That boy," her daughter huffs and smiles. 

(In the end Kibum wins when he buys them a penthouse. He's their afterall. If he wasn't sneaky and underhand he would have been adopted.)

When Kibum visits home it is never a guarantee he'll be alone. 

The first time he brings someone home, it's the one that likes to smile. The group leader. 

"His parents didn't want him," Kibum explains, hugging her. "I couldn't just leave him alone."

The boy is embarrassed, but he knows her grandson means no offense. The affection and concern in Kibum's eyes is clear as day. Grandmother is glad someone else can see it. Kibum can be prickly. 

"You were just afraid of what I would do if I was left alone for three days," the boy bumps his shoulder against Kibum. 

"Mostly that," Kibum agrees. "Grandmother, you remember Jinki Lee, right?" 

The boy in question bows respectfully. He's still smiling and his red cheeks from her grandson's blunt manner makes him particularly endearing. She decides then and there she really does like his smile. She replies with her own. 

"How could I forget? You speak of him enough," and Jinki Lee burns redder but his eyes brighten more and she can see how pleased he is to learn that little piece of information.

It amuses her how Jinki Lee caters to her grandson. She's under no illusions in how Kibum was raised. He's their precious baby boy, and he's spoiled rotten. Kibum asks and usually he gets. The same seems to hold true for Jinki. Jinki gives Kibum what he wants, usually before Kibum can ask. 

"You don't have to listen to his every whim, you know," she tells the sweet boy while he helps her wash dishes after dinner. In the background she can hear Kibum and her daughter gossiping about the neighbors and family. 

"I know," Jinki shuffles. "But I like to." He darts a guilty look at her and back and focuses on drying. "He takes care of us. At home. In our dorm, I mean. He helps Taemin with his schoolwork. Helps me with my choreography when he could be resting. He calms Jonghyun down. Sometimes." Jinki smiles faintly. "He does a lot. The least I can do is take care of him too."

Rinsing the suds off the dinnerware doesn't take deep concentration, but the focus she devotes the task would suggest otherwise. Her thoughts are too deep to share with a boy barely out of his teens. She's known too many men to treat their wives with less kindness. Far less. 

"Your parents raised you right," Grandmother settles on. "You'll make a good husband one day."

"Um," his eyes wide and she pats his hand, leaving suds behind. "One day, not today," she reassures. 

"But people keep saying that," he tells her, and she laughs.

Weeks later, her daughter laughs on the phone and then calls for her, "Eomma! Come see this!" The television is on and there's their child. "Miyung says this interview is so cute!"

Bemused, Grandmother comes and watches. "Key is the eomma and Onew is the appa." Everyone on set agrees or pouts and she remembers telling Jinki he would make a good husband, but she never meant to imply her grandson might make him a decent wife. 

It gives feelings.

A man with another man isn't done. And if it is, it's done quietly and out of the eye of decent people. It unsettles her. She knows the games the entertainment company has the boys play for fans. This is different. She watches Kibum pout on screen and the look Jinki gives him. Its very fond and tender. 

Thirty years ago, she might have been horrified and demanded Kibum break his contract. Fifteen years ago and she might have tried marrying Kibum off lest he be tempted. But now, after the sights she's seen, whenever she calls Kibum, she always queries, "And how is Jinki?"

Sometimes Kibum will huff and pass the phone to the boy in question, followed by, "Stop stealing my grandmother!"

She always gets a laughing, "Hello, Grandmother!" in response.

She takes Kibum's ruffled feathers with a grain of salt. It's him that insists her care packages include Jinki's favorites.

Other times, Kibum speaks low into the phone, hiding their call.

"Manager and Jinki got in a fight," Kibum whispered once. 

"What happened, little love?" 

"Taemin got sick. Jinki made him stay home. Manager was pissed," under Kibum's misery and fear, he sounded proud of his leader. 

 

It keeps surprising Grandmother how successful the band is. More bonuses are being sent to her daughter (and divided and back, repeat, in hers and Kibum's account dance) and the fans are passionate. Grandmother watches as many concerts on TV as she can, and it always make her smile at how happy her baby is. He enjoys his work and he cares for his band mates like brothers. He belongs somewhere. 

Occasionally, she coaches him over the phone how to cook for five people. She would send him a cookbook, but then she wouldn't be able to hear him struggle. "How much did you say?" and "Did you say sweet chili?" and "What do you mean the potatoes shouldn't be purple?"

She also gets phone calls about laundry. "How much soap should I use?" and "Why did it turn pink? What do you mean fabrics bleed?" and "The machine at my shirt. How do I get it back?"

It always brightens her day to guide him through a task. She suspects that's why he keeps calling when he could just look it up online.

 

Years down the road and Grandmother has housed each SHINee boy at least once if not more. Jini is her favorite and she invites him frequently.

Her grandson treats the band's youngest exactly how she and her daughter treat Kibum and it makes her snicker. He doesn't seem to notice how he dotes on the boy, Taemin. Kibum's children are going to be handfuls, she just knows it, and she can hardly wait. 

Minho is a polite boy her grandson loves to argue with and exasperate. She's thankful Minho hasn't strangled Kibum. It takes a certain personality to appreciate Kibum. Minho reminds her of her other daughter's husband a little. Polite and well mannered to a certain point and then plain long suffering.

Jonghyun seems to be Kibum's best friend, and her daughter has a soft spot for him. "His life has been difficult," is all she'll say on the matter. He visits the most often. Grandmother likes him, even if the boys are loud and wild together. Too often she has to cluck after them, but Jonghyun makes Kibum laugh the loudest and smile the widest. 

When Jinki visits, Kibum treats him differently from the others. He doesn't treat Jinki like a child, friend or brother. Kibum treats him with respect and affection. Grandmother can't call what they have friendship. Friends don't look at each other that way. She gives Kibum a few years to understand why.

What she fails to take into account is her grandson's ability to be blunt and honest with everyone, especially himself. 

Grandmother has her routines. She notices immediately when her routine is thrown. Her Kibummie doesn't call as often, and when he does, he always sounds pained. Like he's keeping a secret he desperately wants to tell her. This secret hangs heavy between sentences about fans, music and Jonghyun's serial dating that drives Manager crazy. It makes her wonder. But some conversations need to happen in person. 

Grandmother makes the appointment to see her grandson and is told the boys are too busy for the next three months. 

"They can't be distracted right now," Manager apologizes which she isn't in the mood for.

"The set up the appointment for after three months," she counters.

He does but three months is a long time.

By the time she gets to see Kibum, he's a wreck.

Minho escorts her up after her page and lets her into the dorm, looking relieved. "I don't know what's wrong with him," he says. "But it's worrying."

"Never do anything the easy way if you can do it the hard way," she sighs. That's her family in a nutshell.

Minho nods but is still confused. She appreciates that like her son in law, Minho has adopted the attitude of, 'Assume everything Grandmother says is right.' It makes her feel wise instead of old.

They slip off their shoes and she's greeted by Jinki and Taemin. Her favorite is reading a book she highly doubts he's reading. He's sitting too tensely. The youngest is watching TV, but with the absent air of someone speaking inwards. They both jump up to help her. Jinki take her jacket and Taemin helps Minho with her bags.

"There's presents in the red bag," she says. "Lunch and dinner in the black one."

"Thanks!" Taemin enthuses. Growing boys, always hungry, especially growing boys on diets. 

"Thank you," Jinki says with a bow. He sounds too formal and grateful for food. 

She smiles small and pats him on the cheek. "I knew this day was coming. Your damn schedules kept me from fixing it sooner." 

"How did you know?" Taemin asks, curious. 

"Shes Grandmother," Miho says as if that explains everything.

"But Key can do it too!" Taemin protests and as amusing it is to hear them argue, Jinki is already leading her to the bedroom.

"Then maybe it runs in their family!"

Jinki knocks to alert the room's occupants and indicates she go in. 

"Jonghyun's been keeping Kibum company. I think he's helping Kibum work through whatever is going on with him, but I think Kibum really needs you." 

Jinki stays outside the room, and she wonders if it's because of jealous. Does he hurt because Kibum trusts Jonghyun with his secrets? Or is he trying to be respectful? 

"Grandmother," Kibum blurts at seeing her.

Jonghyun appears protective and uncomfortable in equal measures. She doesn't know what the boy is planning. Fighting her abandoning Kibum. He doesn't look like he knows either. She raises an eyebrow at him and he still looks uncertain. 

"There isn't a single thing I don't know about my grandson," she says boldly.

"Right," Jonghyun says, and it's clear he doesn't want to leave Kibum. He still stands up to do it. He looks mistrustful at Grandmother. "Just-- let me know if you need me," Jonghyun directs to her grandson. 

He eyes her warily on his way out and no one is more surprised than Grandmother when Jinki is still at the door to drag Jonghyun away. "She's his grandmother," Jinki scolds.

"She has magic powers!" Taemin shouts.

Jinki closes the door, and finally, Grandmother has her baby alone. 

"Come here," she orders and holds her arms out for a hug. 

He rushes to her. He always does. Kibum holds on longer than he's won't to do. Grandmother keeps her hold strong, until he's ready to let go.

Kibum is unlikely to speak first about what is troubling him so much, so she does. 

"There's nothing you can do to make me hate you," and he's taller than her at least and it keeps her from kissing the top of his head. "Your family will always love you... No matter who you love." 

"Grandmother--" 

She tells him how she suspected he might be gay or bisexual. How his mother always had her suspicions but no one was going to force him to accept that part of himself if he didn't want to. She gives new light to some childhood anecdotes and he laughs with her.

He tells her about a boy he likes -- not her favorite but that's okay, she wants Jinki in her grandson's life for a lifetime and first loves rarely survive that long -- and how Kibum thinks he might like him back.

"I don't know. It's very confusing," he sighs.

"Emotions usually are," she chuckles.

By the time she leaves, Kibummie is lighter and happier. It make her glad. Of course she would continue to love him. 

"I look forward to our improved phone calls," she threatens.

As much as they speak now, she keeps her suspicions and hopes about Kibum and Jinki to herself. He isn't ready. Not yet.

 

Kibum grows into a fine young man.

He's someone she can brag about, and she often does because the twat down the hall parades pictures of her delinquent teenager daughter and her pug-like grandchildren. Her grandson is a role model and touching millions of hearts. See if the twat can beat that.

Not that Grandmother doesn't brag about her other grandchildren. Her granddaughter has just had a baby. Grandmother is a great-grandmother now. Time keeps sneaking up on her and it's with reluctant acceptance she swallows the news of her baby enlisting at long last. 

He fidgets over dinner, and his hair is black for the first time in a year. She smooths his hair. There's no makeup either, and it takes her a moment to realize this is the first time in years that she's seen him without being perfectly pieced together. He reminds her of the little boy she used to chase around the park.

Jinki sits next to him. 

Grandmother suspects he's there for support. For who she isn't sure. Deep in her bones she knows the military is stupid enough to let anything dangerous to happen to Kibum. He'll probably be safer away from the fans and stage mishaps but still. 

Two years is a long time and what if something horrible does happen and his unit is deployed? The world is a crazy place and tension between countries around the globe is at an all time high. 

"I'll take care of him! Don't worry!" Jinki assures her.

"You sure about that? Pretty sure I'll be taking care of you," Kibum rolls his eyes.

Jinki continues speaking, neatly ignoring Kibum. "The company worked it out so we'll be enlisted together. It's called a buddy program." He smiles at her and she returns it, a difficult thing not to do, and he takes Kibum's wrist in hand. "We won't be able to participate in SHINee activities, so Manager is helping us find an apartment that will suit our new lifestyles."

"I'm glad," she says. "You both need someone to take care of you." Grandmother sternly eyes her grandson. "My dear, you would be lost living alone."

"He wouldn't know what to do with no one to yell at," Jinki agrees, teasing smile directed for only her Kibum. 

Quiet, Grandmother watches in contentment. Jinki only has eyes for her grandson. With how Kibum bashfully gazes back, she think's two years out of the spotlight can change everything. Love like any other living organism. It needed food, water, sunlight and time. They already had the three other requirements -- even now Kibum faces Jinki like a sunflower, basking in his attention and touch. 

"You will call if you need anything," she orders.

"Yes, Grandmother," they both chorus,

"And in return I will help keep an eye on your team," she pauses in thought. "How will they work without you?" 

The rest of the dinner isn't spent wallowing in sadness that her grandson is starting a new chapter in his life. It's spent discussing how the other three will keep SHINee strong. 

"I'm a little nervous, but Jonghyun is a good leader. Besides, I'm taking his biggest obstacle with me," Jinki smirks at Kibum. "So he'll have an easy time of it. Unless Taemin's rebellious attitude makes a comeback." 

"Let's hope not," Kibum mutters. "That was horrifying. I already called the high maintenance attitude. He can't have it. There can't be two of us." 

"Don't worry, princess, your crown should be safe," Jinki banters. "Minho will concentrate on his acting for the most part. I think Taemin might have some projects lined up with Yunho while Changmin is enlisted. There's been some talk." Jinki continues pretending Kibum isn't poking him. "Jonghyun has a few projects in the works, but I think he's focusing on our next album. He wants to write the entire thing."

Dinner becomes lighthearted. She listens to the boys' predictions for their band members and as the dinner drags on the predictions get more wild and wild. 

"Without Kibum, Jonghyun is going to end up engaged and faking his own death," Jinki sniggrs.

"TVXQ is going to keep Taemin," Kibum laughs.

"And Minho is going to steal both your fan clubs with his skill and charm!" Grandmother suggests.

"How could you say that?" Kibum cries and Jinki holds a hand over his heart, "You just broke my heart, Grandmother. This family, I swear." 

 

Because Kibummie is enlisted, she gets no phone calls. He's in basic training. From what she understands communication with family members is a privilege her grandson hasn't earned. A week later and she receives a letter from Jinki confirming that Kibum is mouthing off and unlikely to ever send letters. 

Luckily, Jinki knew Kibum well enough to ensure she was on Jinki's approved contact list. She weepily laughs at the letter. Of course Kibum wouldn't meekly do as he's told and just had to be an opinionated brat. It cheers her immensely to know the army won't change him. 

She keeps her promises and sends the other SHINee boys care packages. She gets phone calls each time a gift arrives from Minho. He thanks her and keep her updated on everyone so she can dutifully report back to JInki. 

She also keeps busy with her other grandchildren. Left and right they seem to be born now. She's excited for each one. 

She moves in with her youngest daughter for a little while. Pregnancy is rough on the girl, and she doesn't cope very well with the newborn. 

It comes as somewhat a surprise when her oldest daughter calls her, "Eomma! He's getting out! He finished basic and secondary training! I got time off work to visit him. Are you coming?" 

Grandmother doesn't have favorites among her grandchildren. She doesn't. But Kibum's mother is her first child and Kibum her first grandchild. It's natural she keeps a closer eye on them.

Her youngest daughter has been hinting Grandmother leave. As much as anyone in her family is capable of hinting. 

"Eomma! I know how to do it now. Now let me!"

Her youngest grandchild is the cutest ever, perhaps even cuter than Kibum, but she's more than ready to see her baby. Besides, that will teach her youngest to try shooing her out.

"Of course," she says. "I'll be packed and ready to go tonight."

"No, eomma, next week," her daughter laughs and still, Grandmother is ready now. 

Time keeps whipping by like that.

Grandmother helps her family as it grows:

She watches the new grandchildren as she's asked. "Eomma, please come back. He has colic! what do I do?" 

She helps her daughter's sister in law learn how to cook to reel in a man. "Everything you've learned watching my daughter? Forget it. It'll make this easier. Poor girl can't make rice." 

She takes call from her SHINee boys:

"Sweetie, if you've developed feelings for this woman over a long period of time, then you're probably in love," she tells Minho. "Chances are if she keeps going on dates with you, she feels the same."

"Your music is beautiful. Your gentle soul really shines. After SHINee, dear, you're going to stay big in the industry," she praises Jonghyun. "No more dating scandals?"

Taemin is upset with everything and everyone. "It's hard. When you're young you feel too damn much still. Consider yourself lucky little one that you aren't desensitized yet. When you stop getting upset, you stop feeling the good things too." 

She also teaches Jinki how tp survive a sickly Kibum. "I've never seen him like this! Are you sure this is normal?" 

"He's needy," Grandmother says. "Keep water next to his bed. Keep him warm. He gets too cold .Keep him close. It will comfort him and he'll stop running you ragged. Oh, and watch his temperature. He likes to hide when it spikes."

She tries her best to be a good elder. 

 

On one winter day there's a knock at the door. It surprises her. No one said they were coming to visit. She was enjoying a rare day alone. 

When she answers the door, she's even more surprised when her unexpected guest is her favorite. He's too thin -- apparently the army was like the company when it came to care -- and dressed somberly and grown up in black. He doesn't smile. Brown eyes anxious.

"I'm sorry about the intrusion," Jinki bows. "May I come in? I would like to discuss something with you."

Grandmother invites him in. She's curious. She hasn't seen this level of formality from him since they were first introduced. He pauses at the doorway to remove his shoes and line them up. It's a long enough delay for Grandmother to make tea.

Jinki stands awkwardly in the middle of the room when she comes back from the kitchen table. She places the tea and snacks on the dining table.

"Come sit and then we will talk."

Grandmother sits once her hostess activities are completed. Upon closer inspection, she notices accompanying the weight loss is a case of nerves she's never seen on a many before. And she had the misfortune to watch her least favorite son in law propose. 

Jinki sits opposite her. There's no trace of a smile in his eyes or face. He ignores the tea and snacks and sets his hands flat on the table. He takes a deep breath for courage. 

"I have something to ask you. Something I have no right to ask for, but still I will," Jinki finally looks her in the eye. "I am in love with your grandson." Grandmother inhales sharply, and he winces like she's damned him but continues. "You once entrusted him into my care, and now I am asking that you do so permanently. You have known me for years. You know my character. You know that I will cherish him, and be good to him and love him for the rest of my life. Please," his voice trembles. "I want to spend my life with him. I am asking your blessing."

He keeps her gaze. 

Grandmother always knew Jinki Lee was brave. She's seen him face down Kibum's temper before. She's heard accounts of him facing down Manger, producers and others that thought they could take advantage. 

Grandmother always knew Jinki Lee was kind. Not the fake kind either everyone insisted on shoving down her throat. No, this young man had the ability to carry hearts without damaging them.

How often has she witnessed him boost Kibum's self-confidence? Or simply offer him reassurance in the middle of chaos? How much has he worked to make her Kibum happy?

"Jinki, I have been waiting for this day for a very long time," Grandmother confides. "Let me tell you about my husband. He was a serious man that liked to drink. When he would drink, he would beat me. The day he died was the saddest and best day of my life. 

"The I watched my daughter repeat my mistake. Fortunately, she was braver than I was and left him. She didn't care what the neighbors branded her.

"I helped raise Kibum and I always wished better for him. When I got to know you, I realized the person I hoped for him was real," her wrinkles move with her smile, and she reaches across the table to grasp Jinki's hand. "I trust you. I think of you as my own. Of course you have my blessing." 

The smile Jinki beams at her isn't like any she's seen from him before. It's luminosity is the combination of every smile, of every ounce of kindness, of every drip of love he has for Kibum. He bows his head, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

The next time she sees her grandson, it's at the company comeback event for SHINee.   
She embraces him and whispers, "Good boy. You do know how to listen."


	13. Loud

**Minho**

It's a nightmare that wakes Minho.

He lies awake in the dark afterwards. He stares at the bunk above him, trying to control his breathing and banish the dream to the part of his brain meant to forget dreams. Minho rolls to on his side and embraces his blankets like a child would. That’s the only reason he notices Jinki is missing from his bed. 

Concerned, Minho strains his ears and it's then, he catches the slight hitching of breath and choked gasps. It's accompanied by the sound of skin against skin and _oh god._ He immediately tries shutting his ears because there's five of them and hormones  _suck_ and it's just courtesy to give a guy any privacy he might need. 

Jinki's mattress is on the floor, Minho only slightly higher on the bottom bunk, and therefore Minho has some experience in what Jinki sounds like rubbing one out. It's a combination of sounds -- lotion and heavy breathing -- that Minho could have lived without knowing, but Jinki was the one to smack Jonghyun on the back of the head when Minho woke up from a wet dream with Jonghyun's grinning face inches from his own. Minho has resigned himself to ignoring the sounds Jinki produces because really, Jinki was a hero and deserved consideration.

But that still doesn't solve the question of  _where_ Jinki is. 

Minho focuses a little more. The sounds aren't the usual slide of skin and lotion now that he thinks about it. It's wetter, and accompanied by a hum that makes Minho's stomach lurch. He might not know it, but  _he knows it._  His body recognizes it and is already responding.  _  
_

His skin grows hot as he continues listening. Jinki does his best to strangle his noises, but he can't smother the sound of _wet_. Burning with curiousity and sleep drunk, Minho risks a peek 

Taemin is asleep on the opposite bunk bed. He's on his back with his limbs in every direction, breathing too deeply. Kid sounded like he was trying to explode his lungs. From Taemin, it's natural to check the bunk above and _holy shit_.

Minho was expecting to see Kibum curled on his side like always, softly inhaling and exhaling and looking in desperate need of a giant teddy bear.

_Not that._

He doesn't dare breathe. Staring hard at the upper bunk, Minho can see Jinki. He's blurry shadow because of the dark, and despite how hard Minho is staring, he can make out Jinki on his back. Jinki's head is thrown back, one fist clenched in Kibum's -- _Kibum’s_ \-- sheets and another in _Kibum's hair_ \--

And Kibum is--

He's straddling Jinki's legs. Kibum has both hands on Jinki's hip, keeping him pinned, but most importantly is Kibum's mouth. Kibum moves his head up and down, doing things Minho has only seen on websites in stolen, desperate moments alone. Minho flushes, and struggles to remember to breathe.

Minho follows the movement of Kibum's bobbing head and the sounds finally click with the images. Minho buries his face in his blanket. Oh god. Now that he knows he can't not know. 

The sounds continue. Jinki's muffled gasps and whines. Kibum's licking and slurping. Minho knows what they're _doing_.

It's not that Jinki and Kibum are very loud. But in the silence of their bedroom, the sounds are defeaning. Minho tries to smother himself and ignore the ache building in his groin. His burning ears catch Jinki's desperate, " _Kibum_ ," and loud swallowing followed by a pop and panting.

Kibum must have pulled off, Minho's brain helpfully supplies.

"Love this, love you," Kibum says, voice hoarse and crackly. Jinki laughs, a touch breathless.

"Come here," Jinki demands.

More sounds and this time they must be kissing, Minho thinks, fuzzily. It's terrible and they'really loud and Minho really wants to shove his hand in his own underwear. He thinks that might be stranger than listening to his roommates getting off. He almost does it when hears, "Come on, Kibummie, for me, come for me."

And Kibum _does_.

It's the _worst_.

Miserable, Minho forces himself to sleep with a sticky mess in his underwear. He's too afraid of alerting the other two he's awake, although he doubts they'd notice. Jinki is busy manhandling Kibum, curling around him to coo in his ear, no doubt.

Minho hates them.

 _Bastards_. 

 

 **Taemin**  

 

There's a crumpled shirt outside Onew's door. Taemin doesn't even pause. He shouldn't be home right now, and he in kind of a hurry. His schedule was cancelled due to technology malfunctions at the studio, and he doesn't want to give Manager a chance to fill the empty slot. He just wants to change out of his fashionable and expensive clothing.

He's pulling his sweats up, when Taemin hears things, and there's sounds he doesn't need to hear. Nope. Taemin freezes, drawstring between his fingers. The sound happens again, and no, Taemin doesn't need to know. 

Face burning, Taemin pulls his shirt off and replaces it with a beloved t-shirt. He hurries for the front door, but once he's in the hall he can hear the noises clear and--

Those noises are coming from Onew-hyung's room. 

He blushes. Hard. Oh no. He doesn't need to be here for this. He never thought to consider maybe Onew made plans, depending on everyone in the dorm to be busy. 

But Taemin stops. 

He recognizes that shirt. 

Key was wearing that shirt today. He remembers because it was plan white and it was unlike Key to dress so plainly. What was Key's shirt doing outside Onew's door? 

Wanting to abandon the dorm even more, what if Onew found out Key brought someone to Onew's room, Taemin stops in his tracks at a low moan. 

Those noises--

Taemin isn't stupid. He knows what's going on beyond that door doesn't involve him. Obviously whoever is in there is having sex but--

To be honest, that moan sounded like Onew. But that didn't make sense. That was Key's shirt but Onew's moans and that meant, but it couldn't mean that. Could it?

Curious, Taemin creeps close to Onew's door. It's somewhat open. Just a quick peek and he'll leave and go meet Jongin. 

He always thought Jonghyun was just being a dick when he would make those sorts of comments! Taemin never thought there was any truth to Jonghyun's words. If had known Jonghyun was somewhat serious, Taemin would have paid more attention! This new information is certainly shedding more light on Minho's insistent, "Shut up,"s whenever Jonghyun got into it. 

Why is Taemin always the last to know?

Taemin creeps into the hall with Onew’s room and pauses there. He's curious. His brain is still growing. It's natural to be curious. Pseudo-science backs him up! He hears another moan that he can feel building in his own throat. No one will even know he was here. His conscience appeased, Taemin listens at Onew's door.

The moans he could hear in the rest of the dorm are suddenly that much louder, but what’s worse are the little hitching gasps in between that he can hear now. The sounds make him swallow, hard. 

"Kibum, Kibum, Kibum," Taemin can hear being chanted like a prayer and each punctuation of Key's real name followed by the smack of two bodies together.

His mind is attempting to piece the scene behind the door from the sounds alone and Taemin jerks back, face hot. The image his brain puzzled together isn’t—

It’s not what Taemin would think of if he’d actually believed Jonghyun when the older man said Onew and Key were fucking. Jonghyun can be an ass. That’s what brothers are supposed to do. Be asses and mercilessly tease each other because it’s funny.

And who could resist teasing Onew about his inability to keep his hands off Key even at the glares and snarls of the other man? It was like Onew liked pissing Key off. Even Minho liked to tease Onew about his lack of self preservation skills where it concerned Key:

“If he bites you I promise to drive you to the hospital. He might have rabies.” Jonghyun promised, a little too happily.

“Jinki, I might know first aid but I won’t be much use if he actually kills you. First aid doesn’t help in terminal cases,” Minho smirked at a grinning Onew and his new bruises.

“You’re a defective lemming.” Taemin rolled his eyes because the educational channel was _awesome_.

And Key’s blatant favoritism towards their leader made it too easy sometimes:

“Hey! Why does Jinki get help with his chores?” Jonghyun pouted.

“Because he isn’t annoying.” Key snapped back.

“Yeah, whatever! You’re just a good wife! I hope I marry a woman as dutiful as you!” Jonghyun grinned widely before a dish rag smacked him in the face.

“Why do you always give him your desserts?” Minho sulked.

“I like him more than you.” Key sniffed.

“Good. As his wife you should—Ack! Asshole!” Minho attempted to tease (he wasn’t very good at it, Key was always a step ahead) and got a piece of cake to the face instead.

“But you let Onew-hyung borrow your clothes without asking.” Taemin whined.

“He’s cuter than you are. Get over it,” Key said.

“Mom and dad shouldn’t wear the same things. You might confuse me for life about gender stereotypes.” Taemin smirked after a flatfooted second, the second long enough for Key to snort. “You’re always confused. That’s not my fault.”

But when Jonghyun really wants to rile up Key, he’ll taunt, “Awe, does Mommy like fucking Daddy?”Always when Onew is away (and now-Taemin thinks he know why with some hysteria) Not once did past-Taemin believed there was any truth to those words. They were just being guys – they were being brothers. It’s not like Jonghyun listened outside of Onew’s door, was it?

But those sounds.

Taemin rushes to leave the dorm.

He’s starting to think Jonghyun meant it literally when he said mommy fucked daddy.

**Jonghyun**

  
In foreign cities, it’s easy to slip by anonymous, and just _exist_.

Jonghyun loves the cities they visit quietly away from home. They’re just five guys anywhere else. Occasionally a fan here or there pops up to gush, which is a nice ego boost if he’s honest, but for the most part they’re allowed to go out unbothered. In particular, he loves the nightclubs.  
Manager breathes down their necks less about protecting their reputation, instead he drops them off with a knowing smile.

Jonghyun likes dancing in large crowds. He likes being pressed on all sides by other bodies writhing and shaking, sweat gathering and making his shirt stick to his skin. He likes how intimate it is to dance with strangers, how body language is all the translator they need. In the middle of this club, music pounding in his blood and lights flashing with his brain synapses, he dances between two women.

_Identical twins._

The two gorgeous women are moving against him, pressing him between the two of them and it makes him grin wide. Their eyes are seductive and their hands are flirty and they’re a sure thing. The twin grinding on his thigh kisses her sister over his shoulder and the sound is slick and he grabs her hips as the girl behind him grabs his. He shudders and kisses the girl, open mouth and more tongue and teeth than lips. Her sister attaches her mouth to his neck and it’s a very sure thing. He’s never been gladder club girls can be so dirty, so _wild_.

The kiss breaks and the woman shouts into his ear in a language he can’t even comprehend but still understands completely. He nods to her, his wide grin softening into a small smirk. She grabs his hand and in turn, he grabs her sister’s and the woman drags them from the dance floor.  
He’s never had sex with identical twins before.

The assertive twin leads them to a darkened corner under the stairs. It’s out of the way, yet the spot is occupied. She turns to Jonghyun with a pout and Jonghyun refuses to give up without a fight. The alcohol he shared with the guys in the beginning of the night must be making him brave and stupid, or maybe it’s the idea of sex-soon that does it, but he looks around the woman to maybe free up the spot and wants to smack a hand to his forehead.

 _Those_ _two_.

Onew has Key pressed against the wall, a thigh between Key’s legs and oh look, Key has his leg hooked around Onew too. The two of them are kissing frantically. Key’s hands are buried in Onew’s hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer and Onew’s hands are pressing and pulling at Key’s hipbones and they’re grinding against each other and it might as well be sex –

It’s exactly that, he thinks, _frottaging_.

He wonders how much they’ve had to drink. Key and Onew don’t do this. Not in public. In the kitchen or hallway or where ever they think inside the dorm is convenient, but Jonghyun’s always thought they were too shy, too conservative to take advantage of a shadowed, strange nightclub.

With the music as pounding as it is, it should be impossible for Jonghyun to hear any noise from them, and he doesn’t necessarily hear anything. Just looking at them Jonghyun can see how loud they are. How noisy and demanding their desire for each other is, desperate and needy. He can almost believe this is the first and last time they’ll ever touch each other.

Jonghyun would believe it too if he didn’t have numerous firsthand accounts that it _isn’t_.

The more timid twin is watching his friends with a blush while the assertive one is raising an interested eyebrow at Jonghyun. She darts her eyes between Jonghyun and friends pointedly and no, no, no. A mass orgy isn’t going to happen, but he’s still very determined to make it with the twins. So he does what any drunk and aroused guy in his position would do.

He drops the twins’ hands and approaches his friends.

Jonghyun attracts Key’s attention. A loud, “Hey! Keeeey!” more than enough to make his friend open his eyes lazily.

Onew has abandoned Key’s mouth in favor of his throat and Jonghyun sort of hopes Onew leaves vicious hickies so he can tease them both merciless tomorrow morning. The oldest boy always acts so embarrassed like he can’t believe he ravaged his boyfriend so thoroughly while Key hits and creatively insults Jonghyun like _he_ did it. Or it could be the consequences of the teasing. Who really knows with Key?

Key looks at him under dark eyelashes. His hand still firm at the back of Onew’s head and he’s pressing Onew to his throat by the grip he has in his hair. It’s stupid easy to see why Onew wants to hit that right this second, but Jonghyun has _willing identical twins_ behind him. Key needs to do this for his best friend.

How many times has Jonghyun covered for these two at home? He jerks a thumb at the two women behind him and focuses his best puppy eyes at his best friend. Please, oh please, Key. They were BFFs for a goddamn reason. Reasons just like this one. Key. _Please_.

Key smirks at him, understanding flashing across his face and he gives Jonghyun a small nod. He pushes Onew away. No one would expect Key to be able to push the other man away, especially since it looks like Onew is very against the idea, but everyone always forgets that if Key is pinned, it’s because he wants to be. Onew breaks away from Key and Jonghyun firmly keeps his eyes up because of reasons.

Key grabs Onew by the chin to show him Jonghyun and Onew must be buzzed. His eyes are too dark and his cheeks are flushed. He’s smoldering, he’s hot, he’s _sexy_. Maybe Key was on to something dating Dubu?

There’s no recognition in Onew’s eyes for the longest second before the older man rolls his eyes and Key’s allowed to pull Onew away.

“You owe me!” Key yells when they walk by, Onew glaring.

Jonghyun rolls his eyes and nods because whatever. If anything Key owes him. He turns back to the twins, expectantly, and, “Oofs” when he’s pushed into the wall by the two women. A mouth attacks his and a hand fumbles at his belt and _finally_.

Later, after kissing both women goodbye, Jonghyun is at the bar catching up with Minho. He’s nodding and laughing as Minho explains how Taemin almost got his ass kicked for flirting with someone’s girlfriend before a group of women that preferred kissing each other rather than men insisted he dance with them, which is definitely Taemin’s luck. He’s everyone’s type and Jonghyun’s not surprised those women consider Taemin their type too.

He’s drinking colorful drinks that taste sweet and he’s never had a better night when he catches sight of Key and Onew on the dance floor and they’re still so _loud_.

They gather all the attention in the room. Eyes follow them from all over the club. The dancers around them are muted and dull in comparison. His friends are kissing and mimicking romance and sex and everyone is feeding off it. Now that he’s noticed, it’s like the club gets louder and louder as everyone tries to compete and fail to do so.

Jonghyun meets Minho’s eyes and they roll their eyes in friendly exasperation. It only takes a second before they’re laughing.

_Fuck those two._


	14. Manhandle

Only after a few drinks can Jinki admit he likes grabbing ahold of Kibum and pushing him around.

Kibum isn't much smaller than he is. A little more slender, maybe, and lithe rather than defined by muscle. It's so easy to hold him where Jinki wants him -- to keep him still for a few moments, for once in the younger’s life -- even if Kibum struggles. He enjoys feeling Kibum's muscles straining to work against him. How Kibum strains against him, his body tense under Jinki’s and so fucking _helpless_ and Jinki can’t help but press harder.

He’ll only admit to liking it when he's drunk, but he'll do it whenever he can. It starts with pinning him down to tickle his sides and hear stoic Kibum laugh, high pitched and breathless. Then there’s the variety show games that tell him it's okay to grab Kibum and throw him and toss him as he sees fit. And then it all becomes so _normal_.

Jonghyun leaves his wet towel on the floor and Kibum hides it in his sheets. Minho takes a twisted joy in waking them all up in the morning, always so loud and happy with his damn, “Wake up everyone!” Taemin has no sense of personal space and sprawls where ever he likes and on whoever he likes. Jinki likes manhandling Kibum. It’s all _normal_.

The liqueur on his lips isn't needed the first night they all drink together in their dorm for him to pounce Kibum and trap struggling limbs with his own. Taemin is philosophical in the corner, thoughtful and wise in the way all drunks are at two a.m. Minho and Jonghyun talking over each other, getting louder and louder. It’s the background music to his very own action scene. Kibum's trapped underneath him. He looked up at him with curious eyes and a lazy smile. _What are going to do now?_

Jinki didn’t know what the feelings in his stomach and chest wanted, instead he returned the lazy smile with one of his own and forced Kibum to be a pillow. Kibum laughed, the vibrations tickling Jinki’s cheek and what must have been his heart, and Kibum pet Jinki’s hair in sure strokes. And years later, Jinki still doesn't know.

He just knows that he likes to wrestle Kibum, move him and hold him in one place long enough to get his fill. He likes it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Taemin and Minho like climbing all over each other. Jonghyun likes hiding his tears in Jinki’s shoulder. Kibum likes babying Taemin. It’s normal, he repeats to himself.

Over the years, Kibum stops protesting as angrily and bares it with fond amusement. In Jinki’s more inebriated moments, the nights that follow concerts and feelings of, 'thank god he’s alive,' he thinks Kibum knows the secret Jinki doesn’t want to admit to himself. The way Kibum looks at him sometimes...

"You're stupid, yeah." Kibum sighs one night against Jinki’s face, far in the future when the military is behind them and they're waiting for the others to finish their service. "You're lucky you're pretty." And none of it makes sense until the shimmy of Kibum's hips up against his own.

Jinki inhales sharply. The burst of want has him pressing his hips back down in instinct. Kibum hums in pleasure, baring his throat in a taunt, maybe, or satisfaction. Jinki’s eyes widen. Not in shock, not completely. There was just so many places to look. Stomach fluttering, he presses a kiss to Kibum’s throat.

Skin is skin, but he doesn’t expect the smell of their shampoo or the cotton scent of moisturizer. Smell is the most powerful sense, Jinki remembers, a little dazed that Kibum is letting him do this. He pulls back, half expecting Kibum to be glaring. There’s no sudden commotion from the next room demanding their attention and their schedules are clear except for the one thing three days from now. No distractions and Kibum is looking up at him with expectation and all his attention is on Jinki.

Just _him_.

It’s intoxicating knowing that gaze is just his, for once Kibum is just his. He doesn’t belong to the other three right now, or the army and its routines. Underneath Jinki, in this moment, Kibum belongs to just _him_.

“Are you going to kiss me some more or not?” Kibum teases, eyebrow arched. “Or are you going to wrestle with me?”

“Haven’t made up my mind,” Jinki whispers, his words hovering on Kibum’s lips. He can’t believe it yet that Kibum wants him to. “I really want to do both.”

And he laughs when Kibum knees him in the ribs, making him topple over so Kibum can straddle his waist, “Yah, why do you make me do everything?” Kibum sighs, struggling with his smile and Jinki pulls him down in a kiss to help him with that. “We’re going to get the floor dirty.” Kibum complains a few swollen mouths later.

“Don’t care,” Jinki says against Kibum’s lips and promptly manhandles Kibum again, just because he can.


	15. Nap

Nap

Pt. I

It's the middle of the day and the blinds are open. The sun coming through the glass is warm and the couch is inviting, and Key can't help the doze he falls into. His eyes are too heavy to keep open in space of all this comfort and goodness. His schedule is done for the day. He's long abandoned his 'work' clothes on his bed and instead pulled on a loose, over-sized sweater and sweatpants. 

Today was easily one of those days where not even makeup could hide how tired he was and his skin itched with how tight the clothes were. The self-consciousness he rarely feels crawled across his skin like ants and today—it just wasn’t a good day. He was constantly hounded by the feeling of something having gone wrong, if only he could remember what.

It feels nice to have the dorm to himself and do nothing but relax. It didn’t happen often enough for his liking. Key slips in and out of sleep, completely content. Now that he was home nothing could go wrong.

The front door opens some time later only to firmly shut. He hears a bag being dropped to the floor and normally Key would yell because someone might trip, but he doesn't care right now. The sunshine still feels too good and the couch has never been more comfortable. 

Lazily, Key stretches and his sweater rides up a little. It makes him think of a distant future where there will be a beach. He'll stretch out across the sand and sleep in his shorts and it'll be wonderful. His bed will be the sandy banks and his blanket the sunshine. It’ll be the perfect vacation nap. Hmmm. 

He opens his eyes at the sound of shoes being violently tugged off and there's only one person he knows that struggles so much with shoelaces. Jinki. Key switches to his side so he can greet the older man. 

If it'd been any of the other guys, Key would have been sitting up already and trying to shake sense back into his head. They would want to do things. Minho would want to try putting together a soccer match or Jonghyun would want to use his precious entertainment system and Taemin would play the game system until his thumbs fell off. Either way, those three would be loud, doing their best to relax how they liked. 

With Jinki, though, this could go two ways. Key might have to get up and make room for him on the couch and actually be conscious or -- and it was the best kind of or because he knew how likely it was -- Key could convince him to join his nap. 

"Hey, old man," He rasps. 

And there's Jinki. 

His pants tight and shirt bright and nothing like he would wear if had the honest choice. It still makes him look good, of course it does, that's the whole point. "Ki--' And Jinki cuts himself off when he takes in Key in all his indulgence. 

Longing takes over his face, so much wistful wanting, that it makes Key smug and sympathetic. He knew this would be easy. SHINee's leader works too hard, harder than he lets anyone see and that's Jinki in a nutshell. It's all for his team or his fans or his family and really, he should take better care of himself. 

"Go change. You'll feel better." And Jinki goes, a last needy look that makes Key possessive and protective in equal measures. Jinki comes back wearing sweats and t-shirt so worn the print on the front is flaked and faded. His face is clumsily cleaned of makeup but his eyeliner is only smeared and looks like soft charcoal smudges. Key smiles slightly at the sight. Jinki better pray no one else ever sees his eyes outlined so or he'll always be forced into a makeup chair before any activities. "Told you,” Key mumbles, yawning a little. 

"I can see you speak from experience." Jinki says and runs a thumb over Key's own ruined eyeliner that plain water couldn't remove. 

"We need more makeup remover." Key explains. 

"I texted Jonghyun." Jinki agrees. "Now scoot." 

Humming and nodding, Key wiggles over but the back cushions are in the way. Jinki sees his predicament and removes the offending cushions and drops them on the floor carelessly. Key's back barely touches the back of the couch before Jinki is laying down. He wiggles against Key, trying to find the perfect comfortable position. He settles with his back against Key’s chest and stills. 

More than content, Key wraps an arm around Jinki's waist and blows random strands of hair out of his face and tucks his knees behind Jinki's like two puzzles pieces finally finding each other out of 998 other pieces. 

"Do you mind if I turn on the TV?" 

Key whispers back, "No," and he doesn't because Jinki is warm and pressed against him. The sunlight still shines on them and the couch is still cozy. Sleep is only a long blink away. Jinki turns the TV on and keeps it on the cooking channel. 

A little curious Kibum catches a few snippets of a program about pasta before snuggling back into the couch and the man in his arms. Jinki is already slipping away, the show playing only as sleeping aid, like the sound of the airplane, or buzz of the bus moving or soft ballads. 

They drift in and out like that. 

Key thinks, somewhat groggily, he might learn how to make cupcakes from scratch through osmosis when Jinki flips over and decides it's Key's turn to be the little spoon. He pulls Key against his chest. A little roughly and it’s always a shock when Jinki uses his real strength. Key grunts at the movement but quiets quickly because there’s Jinki’s chest. Key likes nestling against those pectorals, thank you, he knows when a good thing happens and when to be quiet. Jinki wraps a hand in the bottom of Key’s t-shirt, and tangles their legs together. Jinki sleep mumbles against his ear, but what Key doesn't know because he's already slipping away, sleeping again. 

Key wakes up again, too warm and the common room is dusky. He turns around and wiggles the tiny bit he can closer to the back of the couch, accidentally dislodging Jinki’s arm and leg. The air feels clean and cool now that he isn't trying to breathe in Jinki's t-shirt. He sighs in contentment. Behind him, Jinki whines and shoves just as close as possible which is fine because his back is cold. Jinki puts his limbs back where he likes them. A leg over Key's hip and thigh and his arm snaked up his sweater, skin touching skin. A tiny bit more shifting and Key stays awake long enough to learn fresh and local produce is what make or breaks restaurants before succumbing to dreams.  

Pt. II

Soft noises from the TV welcomes Minho home. 

He toes off his shoes and notes the leather couch cushions strewn on the floor. From the entryway he can't see the culprit that made the mess, but the harmony in the air make him dismiss Taemin or Jonghyun. Those two were forces of nature and couldn’t do calm and peaceful unless they were unconscious. He pads into the dorm proper.

Minho blinks. 

It's not unusual for someone to kip on the couch for an hour or two, especially after a tough schedule. It's not surprising at all that Jinki is napping with his back to the room. The sight is normal enough Minho nearly misses Key squished between Jinki and the back of the couch. That’s a little less common, but it has happened before. Or so Jonghyun swears.

It makes Minho's lips twitch. 

Jinki’s arm is around Key’s chest and his leg is thrown over Key’s hip. That can’t be comfortable. Key is too bony to be a proper teddy bear. Even with Jinki’s admittedly impressive thighs, the oldest man was going to be sore from sleeping in such an awkward position. The closer Minho gets the more he wants to chuckle. 

Key's curled on his side. His head lies in the crook of his arm and he’s nearly in the crack of the couch -- the piece of furniture rather small two guys to nap on. Minho has troubles sleeping on it by himself. It’s little wonder they tossed the cushions off. 

Minho does his best to stay quiet as he tidies the room a little. 

He stacks the cushions out of the way and puts the glass of water next to the couch in the sink. He closes the blinds on the sliding glass door and turns off the light to descend the room in gentle darkness. Lastly he turns off the TV -- the cooking channel of all things buzzing away. 

The change in environment tips Jinki out of sleep and Minho winces when sleepy eyes meet his own. 

"Go back to sleep." He encourages, keeping his voice soft to avoid waking Key too.

Jinki blinks tiredly a few times before setting his head back down and presses tighter against Key. He pulls Key to press against his chest and fixes the leg over Key's hip to be more secure. Maybe this was one of his many exercises to stay toned? The leader nuzzles Key's neck and whispers something in a voice so thickened by sleep, Minho thinks Jinki whispers, "Shhh, going to sleep with what's mine," and falls back to sleep. 

Shaking his head fondly, Minho heads to his room to chuckle softly. 

In the hall, his cell phone illuminates his face when he alerts the two natural disasters to be quiet when they come home -- appa and umma napping.


	16. Old

In an incomprehensible time in the future there’s a baby. How it happens isn’t as important as the fact that it does happen. This isn’t about the life they built together after many, many years of orbiting each other. No, this is only a very brief look into a moment in the distant future.

There’s a baby – their baby – crying in her crib in her bedroom down the hall. Her cries force Kibum to open his eyes with difficulty. He glares at the digital clock boldly declaring it three a.m. and sighs. He turns into the heat of the person he shares his bed with, a difficult feat with how aggressively he’s being cuddled and starts prodding.

"Old man, it's your turn." Kibum shoves at his spouse, hoping against reason the other man will budge from bed. 

It's a hopeless endeavor.

Jinki was always a heavy sleeper. He only got worse when they began sharing a bed. Not that Kibum can blame him. It feels good to be surrounded by their combined scents and clean, soft blankets. It feels even better when Kibum is pinned to the mattress by Jinki, the other man holding him on to him like their dreams might kidnap him. (They almost did, once, but this snippet isn’t about that story. This is a moment taken from the epilogue to let you know they found a happy ending.) When they were younger, they'd spend an entire day together in bed, dozing and dream-like, ignoring the yells from their band mates and noise from the TV. 

Jinki grunts, so Kibum hits him again. 

"You have to get Eunsoo." Kibum can hear their daughter crying and she's still so little and new he’s starting to feel guilty. "Or at least let me up."

Their collective families advised against co-sleeping, but late at night Kibum can't think of why. He'd be able to roll over and soothe his daughter and go back to sleep. Easy and convenient for the win. He's quickly reminded why when Jinki makes an effort to get up and flops on top of Kibum. 

His sweetheart is heavy and clumsy and so pathetic Kibum breathes a laugh. He’s awake now and follows Jinki out of bed to their daughter's bedroom. There’s been a few times Kibum woke the next morning to find Jinki asleep, leaning against Eunsoo’s crib. He’d never admit it out loud, although Jinki definitely knows, Kibum hates sleeping alone. Kibum would really prefer if Jinki made it back to their bed tonight.

Jinki doesn't stumble too often, but then again he is using his spouse as a crutch. The distance between their room and their daughter’s isn’t large, but Kibum is becoming more and more alert the longer it takes to reach their destination. 

They were fortunate in their daughter isn't a screamer. She's a lot like Jinki. Soft 'please notice me' cries rather than the shrill 'me, give me attention, me!' cries everyone wished on Kibum. 

"Baby," Jinki mumbles and reaches for their little girl. "Shhhh, daddy’s here now."

it stirs Kibum’s heart, watching his sweetheart go through the routine. Checking her diaper, checking to see if she’s hungry or just lonely. it doesn’t feel possible to love someone this much and yet, here he is, aching with it. 

Jinki yawns and his jaw cracks and he nestles their daughter close when he’s concluded she’s crying because she wants her daddy. Kibum doesn’t think he’s ever felt more in love. The vision of Jinki cradling their daughter against his chest, humming the same song he sings to Kibum when he’s sick to ease her back to sleep, is one Kibum is going to remember for the rest of his life.

“Kibum?” Jinki calls and Kibum abandons the doorway to shuffle closer to his family. “Am I doing it right?” And Eunsoo might be new to their lives and Jinki might constantly worry, but Kibum privately believes Jinki is a better father than he was an idol, which is saying something. 

“Perfect,” Kibum praises and rubs his cheek against a sleepily pleased Jinki’s.  


	17. Poetry

“And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… ~~You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.~~ And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love.”

Warsan Shire, _For Women Who Are Difficult To Love_

A good noun to describe Kibum is tempest.  

Everyone immediately thinks of the bad: his diva attitude, his hot and cold temper, his unreasonable expectations. Jinki never thought that way about the younger. Not all the time anyways. Kibum even at his best felt too much at one time. When he was happy, he was laughing loud and sharp. If he was feeling generous he didn’t stop until he dropped from exhaustion. Kibum was simply just…too much sometimes, and Jinki loved it. It was refreshing to see someone be instead of pretending to live or constantly apologizing for his existence.

Jinki watches the younger man enter a relationship with Jonghyun and bears witness to their explosive fights and discord, until they taper off. The fights turn into giggles and happiness. It's with bittersweet relief Jinki enjoys the silence and ignores their open affection. They've seemed to have found middle ground at last and the dorm is finally peaceful again.

Maybe Jinki would have noticed sooner if he wasn't so determined to ignore their relationship. It makes his heart ache to see someone he can only dream about with another, with a friend. It's in everyone's best interests if he ignores the jealousy that slithers in his gut when Jonghyun gets to kiss and hold Kibum. But as much as he ignores Jonghyun and Key together he can't ignore Kibum. Kibum is always on the fringe of his senses and it concerns him when notices how quiet the younger man gets. 

Kibum’s less. He keeps subtracting himself. Cutting out the pieces that makes his lover frown. It's enough to make Jinki want to roar. He smolders, a fire dying out. There's no more biting honesty or playful snark. Kibum's edges are smoothing out and he's never looked prettier. He's softer too, constantly finding refugee in his aeygo. Delicate and fragile and people find him more approachable. “Such a cute young man, and so quiet!” People will murmur. “Not what you’d expect at all.”

The boy Jinki loves is disappearing between Jonghyun and the mattress.

It sparks something new in Jinki. An anger that makes his lungs alight with every inhale and exhale, burning a fire in him so hot he's grateful it burns cold. It gives him the ability to think and function when all he wants to do is punch Jonghyun in the nose and throw Kibum over his shoulder to make his way into their sunset happy ending, until Kibum regains his senses and tries to maim him for treating him like a woman, which would be the exact happy ending he wants.

Jinki _likes_ Kibum.

Not just because he's sometimes too pretty and too cute and when he smiles he has dimples that Jinki wants to nuzzle. Jinki loves Kibum's brutal honesty and how he nags at him. How he's like quicksilver and fox-like and terrible. Key can be so fucking terrible and Jinki loves him for it. He's terrifying and strange and so beautiful the way he is. Or _was_.

And to watch that wild, beautiful creature fade away to a shadow to keep the love of a man who can't accept the terrible with the great burns him.

He can see it eat at Kibum.

The deep breaths he takes instead of sneering something awful. How he bites his tongue and spits out blood to stay soft and gentle. It's mounting, the months and concepts pass, in him. Brown eyes begin to reflect a new fire that tells a story of love shape-shifting into hate and resentment. Maybe in Kibum's eyes, it's all worth it, _Jonghyun_ is worth it to be less than who he is. 

Jinki tries convincing him otherwise.

He steals Kibum from under Jonghyun's nose to wander foreign cities and bring acidity back to his tongue. He teases the younger man until he snaps, cheeks flushed with rage and it makes Jinki so giddy he laughs in the face of Kibum's temper, earning himself a shriek and it's _wonderful_.

He must not be the only who thinks so because Kibum starts grabbing Jinki by the hand and sneaking them away too. How can Jinki say no when Kibum’s eyes are colorful and so damn vibrant Jinki's feelings deepen into a monster named Love? It’s impossible. It’s what he wants too. To have feisty Kibum to himself and if the monster inside purrs, well, Jinki never said he was a good person.

He pulls Kibum away from Jonghyun more and more, hating the quiet that engulfs Kibum when the other man is around. He encourages Kibum's quicksilver moods, wanting to face each one because he was always able to handle a dewy eyed Kibum and a growling Kibum with only ten seconds between. Kibum rewards his encouragement with warm affection that feels like the world. Hugs that Jinki keeps Kibum trapped in longer than polite – not that Kibum complains. Hands that always search for his to clasp in strange streets or lineups. Eyes that glow just for him, smiles just for Jinki. Maybe it really is the world because for Jinki it’s more than enough to make him content.

(Sometimes in the foreign cities, breathing different air, Kibum will fall asleep in his arms, sharing the bed like little kids, drained after a day being him, and Jinki believes the ball of chaos and discord laying on his chest feels something for him too -- the muffled creature Jonghyun calls his a completely different person. A stranger Jinki and Kibum pretend doesn't exist when it's just them. And that’s more than enough, more than he dares to ever hope for.)

Slowly, Kibum bleeds through again. His color causing fights between the couple again and it's bittersweet, but Jinki wishes for Kibum to only get louder and never be meek again. 

Then the pictures appear.

They’re intimate pictures. The type of photographs that can damage their reputation. Thankfully the photographer was more interested in money than scandals. Their manager is able to buy the photos and film before they are leaked. But it costs.

It costs enough their manager shoves them in their faces to make a point: the company will not tolerate any damage to SHINee's reputation.

The photos are of Jonghyun with gorgeous women and breathtaking men, and manager spends an hour waving his hands around and repeating the word, “ _Stupid_ ,” every five minutes.

Kibum doesn't say anything. His voice lost to silence for three years now. He shrugs when they're lectured and ignores Jonghyun's panicked eyes. Jinki wants to slam Jonghyun's head against the table they're seated around because Kibum won't, instead he sits as still as he can manage, feeling like he's on the edge of the otherworld.

When Kibum leaves the room seconds after manager does, a weak, "Kibum! Wait!" trails him, but Minho keeps Jonghyun in his seat. Taemin breaks the uneasy silence that steals over the room.

"What the fuck?" he asks Jonghyun. "Like what the actual fuck?" And shoves from the table in anger. Jonghyun buries his face in his hands but it isn't enough to appease their maknae. "This isn't just some random piece of ass! This is Key! What the hell were you thinking?" His voice climbing and the last time Jinki heard anyone this furious and loud it was Kibum. 

Minho is silent, waiting to assist Taemin in the verbal dressing down, maybe, and Jinki gently pushes his chair back. Everyone's eyes snap to him. Taemin stops mid-tirade, furious and expectant. Minho appears to swallow his words, patient to wait his turn to speak. Jonghyun sinks in his seat, guilty and anxious. Jinki gets the feeling Jonghyun always knew how Jinki felt about his and Kibum’s relationship, if not the exact nature of his feelings, at the very least his disapproval.

Jinki’s afraid he’s going to disappoint his team. 

"You heard manager," he says, the words carrying the promise of _later_.

He exits the conference room to find Kibum because that silence is more dangerous than any barb Kibum can snarl. He goes where everyone goes to be alone here. 

On the roof, and Jinki doesn’t have to search very long. There's Kibum, breathing too fast and choking on sobs. Love may have been eating away at Jinki’s heart for the past three years, but Kibum’s heart is breaking in one hit.

"Kibum," he murmurs and gathers the younger man to him. 

The fire in Jinki’s veins must have been intended for Kibum – maybe Kibum’s spark knew it’d be safe in Jinki’s bloodstream – because the man blazes in his arms. He hits and yells and cries. The tears are ugly and every thought Kibum’s choked down in the past three years he heaves back up: "I hate him! I don't know why I'm so upset when I fucking hate him!"

Jinki bears the fists and how they rattle his organs and bones. He soothes the sobs into growls (never into silence, never again, he promises), "I gave him _everything_. How dare _he_?" He helps Kibum rub the tears dry and smeared makeup away. Kibum’s never looked more dangerous and wild, and Jinki wants to be _destroyed_ by him. 

"He never deserved you." Jinki says, fierceness touching his voice and it feels good to hear out loud. "He never deserved your attention. Your love. Your body." He snorts in disdain because Jonghyun is a friend. Friends know the worst about each other and still put up with each other and sometimes Jinki really wanted to wring Jonghyun’s damn neck, knowing he’d never measure up. "It hurts to look at you sometimes, Kibum. It hurts to love you. You can be cruel as well as kind, beautiful and terrible, and that's the way you should be." He stares into shocked brown eyes and he needs to finish speaking. "Not everyone knows how to love someone like you. And if he wants to leave, let him fucking leave." Jinki grips Kibum's hands in his own, hard and tight and feels the sting of Kibum's nails against his skin. 

Kibum laughs then, a harsh sound that still sounds so sweet, and he says, leaning against the wall for support, "I wish I listened to you before now." Jinki gazes curiously at his epitome of chaos and discord because he never breathed a word to Kibum about how he really felt. "Every time you looked at me like that--" And his eyes aren't soft, too much anger inside, but the raw affection there makes Jinki feel skinless. "I wanted to tell Jonghyun it was over. But when I was around him I felt like I was sleepwalking. Watching someone else wander around in my skin and my mouth wouldn't open." Key sighs and smiles bitterly at Jinki. "Mostly I'm angry with myself. I wasted so much time with him -- Trying to be something I'm not."

He leans forward and Jinki meets him half way, resting their foreheads together in a semblance of a kiss. "Thank you, Lee Jinki." 

Right now isn’t the time for another great romance, but Jinki is patient. Always has been. He can wait for the grieving to end and the healing to start. The kernel of love Kibum has buried in his eyes just for him – the popcorn piece that’s specifically Jinki’s – is just waiting to pop.

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warsan Shire has a poetry book that is absolutely beautiful. I recommend you buy it!


	18. Quote

Libraries are a haven to Jinki and he spends more time than he'd like to admit hidden in the stacks, reading.

He devours all genres. Fantasy, horror, romance and poetry, history, essays and children's books, myths, legends and science fiction. Nothing is safe from him.

The books make him pay a price, especially this summer. Jinki needs to wear his glasses -- the thick black frames ones because he keeps breaking the thin wire ones -- because tiny print and dim lighting are not his friends. But it's worth it every time he reaches the end and he's filled with simmering joy.

This summer he decided to stay for a few courses only offered during the "off" months. He has class a few hours of the week otherwise his time is his own. He spends it in his haven for the most part. Not only because he works there as a part of his work-study to pay for school, but also because he genuinely likes being there. It's the smell, he believes, and general atmosphere.

It's on a day off when he's curled in an armchair under a window that his life spins out of control.

Today felt like a poetry day and he retreated to the art section. The books there were mostly reference and the only students who bothered with them were home for the summer. It was guaranteed peace and quiet. Jinki is comfortably reading [Lang Leav](http://langleav.com/tagged/Popular)'s words and remembering his first love when an over stressed student stomps his way into Jinki's section.

He's muttering and jittering. Jinki can't help but stare away from his book and focus on the young man and his mania. He's just so _compelling_. Appearances aren't something Jinki has ever paid too much attention to, but this man has soft purple hair -- purple -- and cat eyes that begs the question if the man can purr. He's carefully put together despite how he's vibrating like he downed too many espresso shots.

"Ah! Fuck!" The student shouts and smacks a hand against the stack.

Normally, he would be minding his own business, but today Jinki feels enough compassion to uncurl from his chair and close his book. "Are you okay?"

"Do I like okay?" The student spins to face Jinki and oh, he's perfectly lovely. The way his eyes spark -- he could burn the entire place down with that gaze. "Do I look even remotely sane to you? Because let me tell you, I am one "Intern!" away from killing my boss with a bolt of taffeta!"

Setting his book on the armchair, Jinki stands up because no, no this guy didn't look okay. He looked thirty seconds from having a breakdown and it's the gentle part of soul he'd just been feeding that compels him to embrace the wild creature in front of him.

The intern, or so Jinki is assuming, stills. Fully expecting to be shoved away, the bookworm keeps his arms loose, but immediately tightens them when the intern burrows into him. "It's going to be okay. It's just a bad day. Maybe even a bad week--"

"Try a bad fucking summer," the wild thing in his arms says heavily, obviously trying to prevent an onslaught of tears.

"A bad fucking summer then, but it isn't a bad life. You just have to get through this." Jinki consoles.

The man in Jinki's arms is pressed snugly against him. Under different circumstances, he would be embarrassed and shy by how intimately they're pressed together, but his nose is full of purple hair that smells sweet and a tight grip around his waist. He begins to rhythmical pat the intern on the back and makes hushing noises. Similar to what his umma did for him when he was sure his heart had been torn out.

"You're right." The man mumbles into his neck. "This won't last forever. And if it does I'll just poison her "venti one pump caramel, one pump white mocha, two scoops of vanilla bean powder, extra ice frappuchino with two shots poured over the top apagotto style with caramel drizzle under and on top of the whipped cream and double cupped" coffee."

Jinki is starting to feel a little out of his depth. "Complicated job?" He inquires.

The other student pulls away to wipe at his eyes. "I think I'd handle it better if it was. It's a fucking unpaid internship. For six weeks and it should be over already but I stupidly agreed to stay for another six weeks for a letter of recommendation."

"Then quit," Jinki suggests.

The stranger -- could he still be considered a stranger after an encounter like this? -- reels back and laughs. "I'd never do that. I am a lot of things, but I'm not a quitter."

"Just a possible murderer," Jinki teases.

The man snorts and releases him. "Trust me, a week with this fashion house is enough to turn a nun into a backstabbing bitch. After twelve weeks no one will be surprised if I'm carted away in handcuffs." The purple haired man awkwardly shuffles his feet before grabbing his confidence and bravery and asking, "Can I please get you something to eat? It's the least I can do after I got my feelings all over you."

Jinki doesn't do this. He doesn't just leave the safety of his sanctuary with a stranger. Someone he doesn't even know the name of. The smart thing to do would be to send this obviously overworked intern on his way and go back to his book.

Instead he says, "I'd like that."

Maybe he should have settled down with Dr. Seuss or _Alice in Wonderland_. It would have been more fitting.

One library encounter followed by an hour sitting at the park eating street food ("My name is Kim Kibum but so is one out of twenty men in this country, so my friends call me Key.") should have been the end of it. Jinki liked Key. Liked his energy and how he bulldozed Jinki with his words and smiled like Jinki was the only person worth smiling at. It was addicting, sure, having all that attention and focus on himself, but he didn't expect more. They didn't exchange numbers or anything and Jinki fully expected never to see Key again.

But two days later and Key comes slinking back into the library. " _You_ are difficult to find. Who could you possibly be hiding from?"

Today Jinki is in the section dedicated to agriculture. There's a nice bench that only has couples' names carved into hearts unlike the ones in the main section that could double as a sex manual. He looks up startled, his glass jerking against his face.

"Key?" He asks a little dazed because _pyramids_.

"Yes," Key drawls out. He looks amazing today. Purple hair styled, eyes outlined in black and dark waistcoat and black trousers and really the only pop in his outfit are the purple buttons on his waistcoat which Jinki can't look away from. "Now get up and hug me."

He's obeying the command in that voice before he thinks to question it. Arms already wrapped around Key, Jinki sees no harm in squeezing him tight and rubbing his face against product sticky hair because Key is sort of like a cat and he can't resist even though there's a very high chance he'll get clawed.

"You better be enjoying that." Key mumbles into his throat. "I'd kill anyone else for messing up my hair." He ruins his declaration of yet again another act of violence by wiggling happily against Jinki.

"Another bad day?" He asks, neatly ignoring everything in the past minute that would make him blush and stutter. It's a super power Jinki discovered in high school when he had to ride the bus with an assortment of unsavory characters, in particular a man in a trench coat with the bad habit of keeping his hands in his pockets and leering hard.

"Right here, right now it doesn't seem as unbearable." Key says and Jinki has a super power. He will not blush.

This time he's the one with his arms around the waist. Key feels fragile and tiny and it's instinct to pull him tighter. The man in his arms squeaks slightly, but Jinki is steadfast in ignoring it. Refer to his super power. Key's arms are wrapped around his neck and the weight is grounding. Jinki is connected to more than just Key. Key brings with him the earth and sun and moon and stars -- the whole damn universe -- and Jinki is just a fixed point for the astronomical chaos to show off for. In the face of that, who could resist rubbing against fluffy hair?

They stand like that for an unknown amount of time but no one else is around. Too bad. Jinki would like to ask a philosophy major if no one else is around to witness a hug between acquaintances is there such a thing as holding on too long?

"Thanks," Key hums. "I needed that."

Letting Key go, Jinki notices a lack of stress in his own body and a happy buzz that usually only a beautifully constructed sentence could create. _Me too_ , he thinks, and smiles warmly at Key.

"Come on," Key tugs at his wrist. "Let me buy you coffee."

Key hunting him down in the library to hug and then buying him food afterwards becomes all too common. It just keeps happening and happening, and nothing hurts. Key is like that cat that twines between your ankles, purring loudly, and Jinki's never been graceful and he falls hard.

"So what kind of doctor do you want to be?" Key asks when Jinki tells him he's premed and most people make a face and say something about all the extra years of school and it takes him a minute to spit out, "I want to be a surgeon," because he isn't prepared.

Key measures him with his too keen eyesight. "You must be really smart." And there's no modest way too answer that. Of course he is. He wouldn't be here if he wasn't. "Sort of." He settles on. "My parents say I have more book smarts than common sense."

"I think they only see what they want to see." Key leans in and whispers. Dark eyes are dancing in mirth and Jinki wants to keep him. Pin him down so he can't leave and just be his. "I'm willing to bet you already have your med school acceptance letter and letters of recommendations from every professor and dean you smiled at. I work with a lot of manipulative bitches. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

"Well, I've never been described that way." Jinki says lightly because he does have an early acceptance letter under his socks at home that was only possible due to some string pulling his dean and favorite professor did. It shakes him how easily Key sees through him.

"Nothing bad about with it," Key smirks leaning back. "You have ambition. It's healthy." He softens. "It's an attractive quality as long as you aren't making people miserable. Which I doubt you'd ever do on purpose."

Key is unnaturally perspective Jinki decides. "I'm secretly cutthroat." He agrees a light hearted smile on his face. The smile is out of place and would be more at place if he'd said, "I enjoy hot chocolate on snowy days."

"I thought so." Key nods decisively. "Now tell me something you've noticed about me."

Jinki's noticed a lot of things about Key.

For example, he knows Key has a compulsion to touch natural fibers and keeps sketching tools in his knapsack and hates espresso  because it reminds him of the fashion house. He also knows Key keeps sewing pins and a tape measure in his pockets and that Key is maybe one of the most kind hearted people he's met. He's an honest individual and he might cut you to the quick with his comments but he’s just as quick to build you back up. Key is never more vicious to anyone than he is with himself, which horrifies Jinki as much as it makes him unhappy on Key’s behalf. Key regularly makes Jinki want to trap the younger in a hug and drown him in praise.

The very first thing Jinki noticed about Key is how touch starved he is. Key always leans into Jinki's touch. Jinki did an experiment once. For an entire day, he would reach out to Key but not make that finally connection and every single time it only took Key seconds to establish contact. It filled him with warm, possessive fuzzies as much as it made him sad that Key had obviously been denied something he craved so badly by _someone_.

Jinki says none of those things and laughs instead says, "I've noticed you really want to dress me. You get this look on your face sometimes like you can't believe I'm allowed to dress myself."

Key laughs, "You noticed that?"

And maybe Jinki starts considering their outings as dates -- that's what it's called when two people who enjoy spending time together in public, right? -- and maybe when a cute young woman in his morning class asks if he'd like to go out sometime he says, "No, thank you. I'm already seeing someone." Maybe he does those things but Key doesn't have to find out. It's not Key's problem Jinki is in love with him and is already fiercely loyal.

One of the things Jinki really likes a lot about Key is his zero tolerance for bullshit. "You!" Key storms into the library. Jinki looks up from the books he's checking in. Key is disheveled. His hair is out of sorts and his tie is hanging off and his shirt isn't tucked in and to be honest he looks tired. Almost zombie like. "I haven't slept in three days because some D class actress thinks she's entitled to a one of a kind gown!"

"Sir, this is a library--" Jinki's coworker begins. Key doesn't even look at her, just holds up a finger. _I am clearly talking, so that means you should stop._ "And you need to fix it or I'll go to the closest movie rental store and destroy every DVD that self important fraud ever starred in."

His, whatever Key is, is as wild as the day they met. If not more. He's only seen Key like this once and that was when the designer's personal assistant was struck by the ‘flu over the weekend and Key had to fill her shoes. If he's this unkempt then he must have had a big role in making the gown.

"All right," Jinki soothes. "Come here."

Key comes, trembling and muttering obscenities, and Jinki can already tell their normal routine isn't going to be enough. "Ao Sook, do you mind if I go home early?"

"Just get him out of here!" She hisses like the professional she is.

He doesn't bother with gathering his things. His cell phone and keys are in his pocket and right now that's all he needs. It's with pure luck that he's able to direct Key to his apartment with how the younger man refuses to be further than "occupying the same space."

"Get in bed." He directs Key and that sounds very forward.

"Didn't know you had it in you," Key teases half heartedly.

He still looks very much like a zombie extra and falls into Jinki's bed. It's small to keep the small dorm room from feeling cramped, but at least the sheets and blankets are clean. Key mumbles as he wiggles to make himself comfortable and around a jaw breaking yawn, Jinki thinks he might be saying, "Everything smells like you. I really like it."

Jinki means to follow the younger man and hold him as he sleeps, but right now he's frozen. The image of Key in his bed is one he wants to keep forever. He just looks so right against the blue spread, purple hair and expensive clothes and makeup and just all of Key that Jinki never thought could fit into his life so neatly and here he is, slotting in place and perfect. Key opens an irritable eye. "Coming?"

"Yeah." He nods and manhandles Key until they're both laying down comfortably.

Key is curled against his chest. His breathing is slowing and getting deeper and Jinki can feel his own eyes getting heavier. Key is so warm. Jinki's last serious relationship was in high school and he never got to do this -- laying in bed and holding each other and taking the comfort the other human being offers. He might have to look into getting a giant plushie after this. Already the thought of sleeping without a weight in his arms is bleak.

"Jinki-ah," Key asks sleepily.

"Hmm?" he asks.

"Is there a book under your comforter?"

"...Maybe."

It's crazy, but Key keeps coming back. "I sleep better here." And he asks permission with his eyes while Jinki can be slow, he's not stupid and always lets Key spend the night.

Key learns for himself that there's always a book in Jinki's bed. The days, evenings and nights Key comes over -- usually preceded by a hug in the library and a meal or snack -- he searches for the book before making himself comfortable. Depending on his day, Key will demand Jinki read it too him. He stays awake mostly to hear the story, biography, poems or essay. Half lidded and relaxed.

Key’s mind is cutting and Jinki takes to reading more essays to argue with Key about. It's sexy as hell to hear Key's logical arguments on why Jinki is an idiot for having a different opinion.

It's no surprise then, reading poems about love and blood that Key makes a move because Jinki doesn't care if he never has Key completely as long as he has some part of him. (This is a lie. It's a lie he tells himself in the bathroom mirror, once before he can face the day and again at night before he can sleep. This lie is important to him being able to function and he thinks if someone ripped it away from him, he'd actually become an insane hermit.)

Deliberate, Key taps a line from the poem Jinki just read before he can turn the page and quotes, voice shy and unlike him, "“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you." (Richard Siken) He stares up at Jinki through feline eyes and Jinki never did get to hear him purr, did he, and he wonders if Key can hear the jolt of his heart and the scream of blood rushing through his veins because this is more than Jinki could ever hope to deserve.

And Jinki can only say, mouth dry and eyes wide, "How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place—some other existence." (Lang Leav)

Key smiles. Small and satisfied and once Jinki considered Key the essence of the universe, and he might be, but Jinki knows for a definite fact Key is the sum and parts of Jinki that he thought lost in books, childhood and heartbreak. And when faced with a smile like that, Jinki dares you not kiss it and try and feel the emotions behind it and try and push yours out too.

Key's lip balm stings like mint and makes his mouth tingle at the contact. Jinki remembers sticky, strawberry lip gloss in the afternoon after school and he's so relieved he can't taste strawberries. All he can taste is cool mint, the universe and Key.

Goosebumps erupt across his skin. Kissing Key is cosmic. Stars explode across his tongue when Key attempts to swallow it. His mouth wet and sucking, devouring like the black hole Jinki suspects Key is. Creative hands are in Jinki’s hair, pulling and tugging Jinki closer and closer, but it still doesn’t feel close enough. Jinki topples them to straddle Key’s waist between his knees, wanting to fall deeper into Key, hoping gravity will assist him in his endeavor. The stars are in Key's eyes and Jinki can only hope some of that light reflects in his own.

“I want to fill my mouth with your name.” (Pablo Neruda) Key whispers into Jinki's mouth and Key is really fucking _perceptive_.

Jinki blushes from what feels like the tips of ears down to his belly button. It's weird, isn't it, it's a weird kink to have your partner quote poetry, even for a bookworm. It makes him whine and Key smirk, dangerous and attainable.

"Here's to reading in bed and weird sex." (tumblr.com) Key says in the space between him and Jinki, much too far apart but so close the words kiss his lips too and a hand buried in his hair, Key wrapping the longer strands around his fingers and Jinki might be mad, kidnapped from reason by a man with purple hair and shoved down a rabbit hole, but there's a wild heart trying to burrow past his rib cage for safe keeping and he has no regrets.

"I knew the bed would be too small," (Roger Bonair-Agard) Jinki admits and loses himself in Key.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously spend too much time on tumblr. All the writers mentioned are bomb amazing so go look them up!


	19. Romance

There's romance in a bit lip and red lines down the back and finger bruises on thighs, but right now Jinki wants the soft point of a marker.

Kibum lays in the middle of Jinki’s bed. Jinki watches the dozing man, with a tilted head and soft consideration, enjoying the sheet barely keeping him covered. Key’s bed has been unused for months except to hold clothes meant for the closet. He's not awake and not asleep but dreamy and docile.

The marker Jinki finds wedged between the mattress and bed frame is black and when uncapped it smells pungent. He wrinkles his nose. He's almost deterred from his idea, but Kibum sighs and snuffles into the mattress and Jinki's self control is absolute anywhere else but in their bedroom.

Pressing the marker’s point to fair skin, he begins to write.

The text is stark, a brand across Kibum’s skin. Kibum mumbles, “ _What_ ,” and Jinki shushes him, “It's okay. Trust me.”

Kibum hums in response. He feels the wet tip of the marker and smells how it'll refuses to leave his skin for days and holds still. Of course he trusts Jinki. He always has. The marker tickles across his body – back, thigh, chest -- and when he wakes up the next morning, Jinki’s gone for his activities.

The old man left Kibum alone with a love letter on his body that he reads with wonder and a tight chest.

He reads the penned words slowly and carefully. Savoring each word Jinki loving scribed. Arousal begins building up: a combination of the sentences on his skin and memories from last night.

He palms himself. _I dream about being inside you,_ stained on his forearm. He stares at it as he remembers the way Jinki moved inside him, frantic and loud. He wants that feeling again. Of being full and complete.

His breathing is a little harder the more his body yearns. If Jinki were here he’d stretch him open and—

But he wasn’t and it makes Kibum whine. If Jinki wasn’t here, then he’d just have to do it himself, won’t he?

Reading Jinki’s saccharine words again and again, Kibum pants as he works himself open again. The breach aches slightly from last night, and he sucks in too much air. Why is he always so tight, even after having Jinki thrusting into him not even hours ago?

His wrist starts to ache, the angle awkward, and lovely fuck is written across his hip next to a blooming love bite.

He looks over the sentence across his chest. _You make me bite my lip and I love it._ It’s scrawled across his chest, over his nipple and he shudders at the press of his fingers and the ghost-memory of Jinki applying the soft-stiff point across the sensitive point to complete the sentence. He touches it, knowing it won’t feel the same but hopes anyways. It isn’t the same, but it’s barely enough to make him twitch and move his hand faster. He’s using two fingers now, furiously and on the edge, while ignoring his dick.

_He can’t_.

Not yet.

When he brings his legs up to rest his feet flat across the bed he can see: _You’re wild and fey_ on one thigh, and _I love your nails down my back_ , on his other thigh, slanted and bold. He whines a little at the new, deeper angle and he might not be able to touch all the same spots Jinki did, but it might be enough. He can almost—

No love letter is complete without a signature and he doesn’t want to smear the _Love Jinki_ signed up his length, but he’s waited patiently. He _wants_ it, _needs_ it.

Eyes barely open, he arches off the bed and he can’t mute the, “Ah-ah,”s spilling from his mouth. All he has to do is touch the ink on his dick, make it wet and smear it, so he does, mind flashing to Jinki’s smug smirk last night and mostly likely from this morning as Jinki penned his letter. His wrist aches and the love letter is seared in his mind. He comes when a single thought crosses his mind, _what did Jinki write on his back?_ He doesn’t muffle the noise he makes and that’s all Jinki’s fault. That’s supposed to be _his_ job and since he isn’t here whoever is still in the dorm can just deal with it.

Satiated and sleepy, Kibum searches for his phone to send his reply to Jinki.

After all it’s romance and reciprocation that keeps a relationship alive.


	20. Stage

The kiss is as accidental as kisses can be.

Adrenaline high and shirt sticking to his back, Jinki smiles and laughs. The crowd is roaring and louder than the pulse in his ears. He spins, searching for something, something unknown to his mind but his body seeks. Jinki finds it, must see it in Key because the thrumming want settles back into dull whispers, “ _Look, look_.”

Key is waving and laughing, sounding pretty and drunk. He’s always dynamic and he wants to touch the joy radiating off his teammate. It's too easy-simple to reach out to Key and grab a deceptively strong wrist and pull him forward.

In Onew’s mind he only intends to bring the other body close. Share in Key’s spark and then let him go, but his body has other ideas. The traitor. Onew figures he should know better. He never could trust his body. He does indeed grab Key by the wrist and pull him forward, making Key stumble into him, startled by Onew’s strength and that’s when things go off course.

It’s only natural to bury a hand in Key’s hair and pull him forward. His mic drops and the resounding thud is a push forward. The moisture in Key’s hair wets his hand, but it isn't enough to deter Onew. He gathers those strands in a fist. The better to keep Key in place. The hand he has around Key's wrist flutters, and Onew wants to cup Key’s face but he’s unwilling to let go. What if Key pulls away? His mind stays undecided but his _mouth_. His mouth is more than willing to make decisions for him.

If his experiences are imprinted in his mind for the rest of his life, Onew will carry the press of lips and their taste into each of his future lives. The saltiness from sweat, the mild flavor from lip balm and Key's breath. Onew makes the kiss a little sweet when Key opens his mouth the tiniest bit. Either surprise or permission. The screams are soundless for those handful of seconds and all he can feel is the clutch of Key's fingers hard on his hip and shoulder.

Key’s leaving bruises Onew will treasure like gifts. How his fingers curl and dig, trying to reach inside of Onew makes the soon to be marks more precious than diamonds. Already breathing hard, they part after a time of not long enough and gasp, staring at each other wide eye. Sound comes crashing back like an ocean wave and Onew’s bones are going to vibrate from their sockets at the force.

Key draws back, eyes wide and seeking, before the feline tilt of his mouth appears and Onew leans back in to make that smile his. He wants and yearns for more, but Key moves quick this time and only allows the brush of his mouth against the corner of his, eyes glittering, "Not here.”

Onew wants to learn more intimately about his mouth. Hungers for it. He wants to press Key against the stage floor and taste all his secrets and swallow them down until he is his. But he’ll settle for the promise in Key’s words, so Onew laughs, high on promises and passion for what he does and Key's proximity and turns to the fans who are going wild.

The other three are staring.

Their eyes are wide and their mouths are open. Onew sees the wheels spinning in their heads and laughs again when Jonghyun gives him his best bitch face and roughly grabs the nearest body. The other vocalist lands a smack on a prey-like Taemin. Key laughs, body rolling with it and Onew catches Minho rolling his eyes and pecking Taemin as soon as he's released. The platonic kisses leave Taemin flustered and the crowds deafening.

Key’s laughter gentles into a beaming grin, and he begins commenting to the fans, but Onew is too busy admiring the upward tug of his mouth to listen. He does know a few things:

1) He's going to press Key against their dressing room door until Manager pulls him off Key by the ear.

2) Jonghyun is a crazy bastard and he owes him. He owes them all.

3) The internet is going to explode.

He watches Minho and Jonghyun share a reluctant kiss and all Onew can think is: _I’m crazy. Certifiably insane. There’s no other way for me to explain this to the company_.


	21. Trope

After a bad day, Key wants nothing else but a large order of something caffeinated and sugary. He’s talking over 150mg of caffeine and enough whip cream, chocolate sprinkles and caramel drizzle to warrant a trip to a cardiologist and dentist respectively. The amount of calories he's been guzzling means extra time running himself ragged at the gym, but it's completely worth it in his opinion.

Key is pretty sure he looks unhinged.

He hasn’t quite moved in to his closet-studio apartment, meaning he’s been living out of cardboard boxes for the past three weeks. He’s been too busy working his ass off underneath one of the most elevated fashion designers, ever, to unpack completely. And even if he was unpacked completely, he’s been wearing the same outfit for two days. He looks like a hobo. The main designer’s had Key beading her vision. Beading. She claimed he has a real talent for it, but his fingers ache and he had to abandon his contacts for glasses nine hours ago because they dried out. The damn bodice had to be perfect or his court ordered therapy would have to be extended, so really, Key looked like a deranged hobo.

(A side note: Key beat out six other interns for the position to learn directly underneath the designer. The fashion industry is full of ambitious cutthroat bitches and Key proved he was the evilest fucker. He may have done so by getting a little aggressive, but what are a few court ordered therapy sessions when the designer herself approved of Key and had taken him personally under her couture wing?)

“Key!” The barista finally calls out.

Key hurries to the pickup counter. His heaven in a cup is beautiful -- the only true love in his life.

“Oh my god,” He whimpers. “Thank you.”

The barista smiles at him, clearly amused but that was okay. He was something of regular here and all the baristas could match his order with his face. Most of the time he didn’t even have to wait long before it was in his hand.

Something he was incredibly grateful for because it was getting busy and crowded. He takes an experimental lick at the sugary mess on top. _Delicious_. Purring, Key takes his drink and begins elbowing his way to the exit. He has his caffeine and now he wants to curl up on his bed and watch _Ugly Betty_ until his brain melts out his ears.

Before he can make it far, there’s a light touch at his elbow. Surprised, Key follows the hand touching him and sees a man a little older than him. The first thing that pops into mind is _pretty_ quickly followed by, _why is he looking at me like that?_

“I’m so sorry,” The man says, sounding absolutely mortified and Key has a second to think, _why_ , when the man darts in to give him a kiss.

Whip cream, chocolate flakes and caramel still lingers on his tongue and there's a curious flavor accompanying the stranger's mouth over his own. Almost like masala chai -- the spice of ginger and cloves and sweetness of cardamom, cinnamon and condensed milk. There's a hand cupping his cheek and Key can smell the stranger. _Yummy_. He hums into the kiss, and this is nice, really nice. No wonder people pursued romantic relationships with other human beings instead of just coffee.

The man pulls back, licking his lips, staring considering at Key's drink, and no, this is Key’s coffee. He frowns at the stranger and holds his coffee closer to his body. Kisses he can share no problem, but not his heaven in a cup. No matter how amazing the man may kiss.

“This is my coffee.” He tells the other man sternly.

"That's what you're worried about?" The stranger asks.

"The kiss was strong enough to stand on its own." Key says sagely, and he's really sleep deprived.

The stranger is ridiculously pretty. Heartwarming brown eyes gaze at Key, no, they shimmer at Key, and he has the wild urge to get creative with brown organza. The fabric is silky and luxurious, and he sort of wants to run his fingers through his stranger’s dark hair to see if the textures are similar. He blinks tiredly. Would it be weird to ask for another kiss? Purely to inspire Key’s designs?

Jonghyun is going to give him _the_ eyes when he hears about this. The ' _I'm worried about you and I will have my favorite intern escort you home if you're going to be making out with strangers in coffee houses_ ' look and it'll be completely undeserved. Jonghyun regularly seduces the interns as stress relief. He can just keep his puppy eyes to himself. No one asked him, especially not Key. It was just harmless _kissing_ , Jonghyun.

The man is staring at him, bewildered and baffled in equal measures and Key could hit him if he wanted. To make the situation seem normal? "Thanks for the kiss. I'm going to go now before my boss' assistant makes an intern babysit me."

The hand lingering at his elbow holds him back before he can do much more than almost turn.

"You're going to think I'm a creep, but can you pretend to be my boyfriend for five minutes?" His stranger asks and before Key can ask _why_ or _what's your name_ there's a frowning giant in front of him.

"Who's this, Onew?" The giant asks and Key isn't short.

He's on the slender, maybe petite, side but this guy is towering over him in a way that makes him inch behind his kissing stranger. Who, Key would like the record to show, is the same height as he is. Mr. Giant can squish Key if he wanted and Key isn't prepared to have another broken rib – his office politics were seriously vicious.

But he was okay with a black eye because he’s still petty, young and reckless.

"His boyfriend," Key plays along, grabbing his stranger's hand who might just be named Onew. "Key." He adds helpfully.

Onew laces their fingers together, and that's a little intimate, isn't it, but Key allows it. And yes, he might need intern Taemin to protect Key from himself. This is crazy, insanity induced by too much work related stress.

"I told you I started seeing someone else." Onew says, gentle apology in his voice.

"Hyunwoo said you were lying." Mr. Giant says, eyeing Key up and down.

Key, in response to Mr. Giant's sneer, attacks the melting whip cream from his drink. He’s awesome and he isn't going to let a man who feels the need to stalk his ex-boyfriend in a cafe let him think otherwise. Just because he accessorized more than the average man didn't mean anything regarding his "manliness." His knit green scarf is the fluffiest ever and he worked in a fashion house. If he didn't look twink, he wasn’t going to get far in the industry.

"I must be a gorgeous figment of your imagination then." Key counters dryly. "It's okay, I fantasize about me too."

The thing Onew does with his face must be a smile, but Key's never had anyone smile at him like that before. _Oh_. No wonder Mr. Giant wanted to keep him. That smile is doing more things for Key's insides than his favorite drink. The way his eyes shine--

Key isn't that funny; Onew needs to stop looking at him like that. Before he does something regrettable.

(He always used to laugh when people talked about having a muse and now here he is, lusting for his sketchbook and color pencils to try and capture that joy in a design.)

Christ.

"Key's pretty amazing." Onew says earnestly. He looks away from Key, _no, why, look at me some more_ , and glares at Mr. Giant. "Which is more than I can say about you, Hyun-jae."

"Onew-- Please, I love you. I'm just really stupid."

"No! You cheated on me. Don't you remember? Because I _remember_. Remember why? Let me remind you. It was the night the hospital was throwing a dinner in my honor." Onew says, passive aggressive and Key is a little turned on. Sweet and deceivingly bitchy was his ultimate type, which explained why he dated so many models before his career began interesting him more than sex and romance did. "I really didn't need to find out from my coworkers that you were fucking one of my nurses in a bathroom stall."

_Yikes_.

Key raises both eyebrows in surprise. Regardless if he knew Onew or not, if you love someone you shouldn't hurt them. Not on purpose. Key kisses his pretend boyfriend's cheek in support. His kissing stranger shares another sweet gaze with him and usually Jonghyun is besides Key to warn people Key’s an attention whore, and looking at him like _that_ is dangerous. Like there's no one else. No cafe rush, no upset ex-boyfriend, just Key, and he loves it. This Onew seriously doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

"Do you mind?" Hyun-jae the giant hisses at Key.

"Yes, I do." Key says miffed, regretfully breaking the eye contact. "You're ruining my date. You fucked up. He already said he isn't going to give you a second chance. He's made it really obvious, actually, and now I have to calm him down." Key huffs. "Do you know how much sex that's going to take? I’ll be lucky if I can walk tomorrow."

Onew whips to stare at Key. "Here, have some miracle in a cup, baby." Key directs his pretend boyfriend. "While I deal with this." He pushes his drink against Onew's chest and the man releases Key's hand to grab it, slightly bemused.

" _You_ ,” He stares down Hyun-jae. “Are a very stupid man. That’s the only explanation I can think of for you to do what you did. But your stupidity isn’t an excuse to be an overly possessive jackass. You have no _right_.” If Hyun-jae was little less of a giant Key would be poking him in the chest, but Key’s tiny amount of self preservation screeches _caution_! “It’s over and now you need to back the fuck off. Move on with your meaningless existence. Onew’s with me now, and guess what, I know exactly how lucky I am and I’m not going to leave him for some quick piece of ass. Not like you.

“I hope it was worth it, you sad sack.” Key finishes, quiet and serious.

Hyun Jae flinches.

He looks stricken as if Key physically attacked him. Any pity Key might have for the taller man is squashed when he looks pleading at Onew. In the fashion industry, mercy is for the weak. His heart is a little colder than most and he’s fully expecting his stranger to soothe the feathers he ruffled, or maybe take the stupid bastard back, having taught him a lesson. So Key is a little surprised when Onew pulls at him and cups his cheek again.

“You’re magnificent,” he tells Key sounding star-struck.

He kisses Key again, except now he tastes like coffee, caramel and chocolate and it’s the taste of Key’s personal heaven interpreted by Onew. It only makes sense for Key to bury both hands in organza soft hair to try and get his fill of everything wonderful in the world. Key distantly recognizes a strangled sound, but it doesn’t really register until Onew pulls away, breathing heavily and licking his lips for lasting traces of sugar.

“ _Onew_!” And Hyun-jae didn’t really look capable such a shrill sound.

Onew smiles at Hyun-jae and Key can’t help grinning too. His hands are still buried in Onew’s hair and the older man looks damn good like this. _He’d probably look better after sex._ Onew’s smile doesn’t convey sweetness or apologies, it’s a wicked smile made to rub salt into an open wound.  

“I’ll see you around,” Onew says, peppy and mean and Key has a giant crush.

An inappropriate crush that threatens to suffocate him when Onew grabs Key by the waist and begins guiding him towards the exit. It’s almost like they’re dancing and Key can’t believe his life. Over Onew’s shoulder, Key cheerfully releases his pretend boyfriend’s hair to wave at the ex-boyfriend. “Nice meeting you!”

“You’re a terrible human being,” Onew beams at Key.

Key dissolves into giggles that wrack his body and make tears spring up at the corner of his eyes. His kissing stranger is still holding him tight as if Key could come to his senses at any second and it’s just so easy to lean in for another kiss.

It scares him how easy it is, but he’s always been reckless.

“If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me up.” Key murmurs once he can breathe properly. Sometimes the best remedy to a bad day is kissing a gorgeous man.   _And_ coffee.


	22. Umbrella

Their umbrella is left in the car in their hurry to exit the van. Already late for their appointments, no one thinks to double check, and the boys hurry into the tall building hiding the radio show they're to guest star on. It was sprinkling before. Barely any drops in their hair, and when manager calls about a schedule SNAFU and traffic being shit, it's easy to promise they can manage on their own. Exiting the building is another matter completely because it isn't sprinkling or raining but _flooding_.

"No, no and no," Kibum says, horrified.

Jinki can already imagine how the water will drench their clothes. Jeans will feel like weighted sandpaper, hoodies and sweaters cumbersome and as helpful as burlap sacks, and shoes will squelch. The heavens crying will probably result in them being quarantined away with fevers.

"No one is coming to get us." Jinki says slowly. "And the building is locking the doors soon."

Kibum frowns.

He wavers a lot before sighing and tugs Jinki's clothes in place. Kibum pulls his hood more securely over Jinki’s face and zips the cotton-polyester jacket unfashionably high. Jinki smiles gently. Kibum's fussing always affects him so. Kibum rewraps his scarf around his face and pulls his sleeves pass his hands and charges outside. Jinki follows only wavering for a second at the threshold.

  They manage a few blocks before Kibum demands an umbrella. Jinki snorts a little because Kibum looks like a wet cat, disgruntled and drenched and an umbrella now isn't going to help. He still buys an outrageously priced Hello Kitty umbrella from a bodega and drags Kibum underneath it.

He doesn’t know what makes Kibum happier: The Hello Kitty pattern doing its best to keep them dry or the arm Jinki has around his waist to keep them close, so the umbrella doesn’t have to work so hard. Either way, Kibum leans in to his touch and murmurs contently to Jinki the rest of the way home.


	23. Vetted

The restaurant hasn’t yet seen it’s dinner service.

Jinki sits at the table in far corner, watching curiously as the staff prepare. There’s waiters and waitresses making sure the tables are clean and set, sweeping the floors and wiping down chairs. The host is bent over the reservation book and all the activity is doing wonders to keep him distracted.

But eventually the reason his organs feel like they’re swimming freestyle and ignoring their proper places enters the restaurant.

The man being directed to Jinki’s table has dark hair, defined cheekbones and taste. Jinki stands up to greet the other man properly. He looks the man over, mentally comparing him to Key. His dark hair is maybe a shade lighter than Key’s and his cheekbones are familiar. Jinki’s spent a long time staring at the sharp lines of  Key’s cheekbones, and even more time cupping Key’s face in two hands as they kiss, his thumbs tracing his lover’s face. He’s be able to recognize them anywhere, even on a man he’s only seen in bleary cell phone photos. It’s isn’t difficult to believe this man is related to Key. He even dresses fashionable and expensive.

“Thank you for meeting me,” Jinki bends at the shoulders in respect to his lover’s family member. “I am Lee Jinki.”

“So I’ve heard.” The man grumbles. He returns the bow with a jerky movement that would have offended anyone else. “Kim Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun removes his jacket and hangs it on the back of his chair before seating himself.

Nervously, Jinki waits until the man scoots his chair in before retaking his seat.

The waitress is quick to settle the new customer, “Water? Anything to drink?” Before promising to return with Jonghyun’s drinks and be back for their orders.

Jinki can’t help but tap his fingers on the table. It’s rhythmic and relaxing, which he needs right now. Much like Key, Jonghyun has a way of ignoring Jinki until he’s ready to speak. Which the slightly, two years, wasn’t it?, older man can appreciate because the waitress didn’t really need to overhear more than she had to.

She comes back and leaves just as quickly.

“So, you and Key.” Jonghyun finally breaks the silence. “You’ve been together for a year. Must be pretty serious.”

"Yes,” Jinki agrees because it may have only been a year, but it is pretty serious.

He doesn’t look through his lover’s cell phone to search for his mysterious big brother’s phone number to set up a meeting for everyone he’s dated. He actually makes it a habit to avoid meeting his partners’ family members because that’s a level of commitment he’s never been comfortable with, and now, here he is, sitting across from Key’s brother at his request.

“I never thought I’d get to meet you.” Jonghyun says. “Key was doing his best to keep me away from you.”

Jinki knows this. He’s heard from Key’s best friend, Taemin, how overprotective Jonghyun is. He’s heard all the horror stories about Jonghyun performing background checks, kidnapping Key's crushes off the streets and crashing first dates until Key's very loud, very explosive insistence Jonghyun stay out of his love life.

It horrifies Jinki a little that...whatever Jonghyun does for the government...abuses his position so freely. When he first heard about Jonghyun, he'd been terrified of disappearing for unknown reasons.

"I thought we should meet." Jinki says quiet. He can feel his hands steadying and calm settles over him. "Key speaks of you fondly."

And he really does.

From all the little off hand comments and stories Key tells, Jinki knows Jonghyun is more of father, brother and friend rolled into one super being he's desperate to earn the approval of. It's easy to see how much Key loves his brother. And it's just because Key loves Jinki just as much that he keeps them apart.

"Jonghyun has ways of making men run screaming from my life." Key admitted. "You're my longest relationship in about three years. Please understand that I'm not hiding you from my family because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want to lose you."

Jinki doesn't want to get lost.

Sometimes he has surreal nightmares where they never met. He dreams he never took an early lunch to do Minho a favor and pick up his boyfriend and his boyfriend's friend. He dreams he never runs into another patron on the street, hot coffee soaking the front of shirt because he was too busy staring at the man sitting with Taemin, or suffered the insults the other costumer screamed at him, too dazed by Key smiling. He spends the rest of the dream missing an unknown presence in his life, knowing he's missing something important, searching and searching to be complete, only to become trapped in the monotony of the life television tells him he wants.

Meeting Key had been like rediscovering music. Everything regained its vibrancy and colors. Taemin still loved to recount how Jinki stumbled to their table to introduce himself, coffee brown shirt still steaming and Key's instant concern and how Key stripped him out of his shirt, horrified by the red burn on Jinki's chest. "Love at first disaster." Taemin teases them frequently.

"I see." Jonghyun says, eyeing him over the rim of his glass as he takes a drink. “And you’re an upstanding citizen, Lee Jinki.” The man continues, eyes narrowed. “You’ve served your military time and received recommendations to medical school, which you paid for by singing guide songs and composing songs for SM Entertainment. You’ve been credited with forty-three songs in the past two years. That’s how you met Choi Minho – the music producer dating one of the company’s most popular dancers. The same dancer that is best friends with my baby brother.”

"That's all true." Jinki nods. "I start my residency next month." He adds.

Jonghyun deflates slightly, something Jinki doesn't think he would have caught if he didn't know Key's body language so well. There's even a small pout Jonghyun is trying to hide that Key directs his way whenever Jinki unknowingly ruins his surprises.

The man tries to rally. "And you know how Key and Taemin became friends?" And Jinki nods because he does know.

Despite the two dancers being in the same industry and working together, they were never close until they started attending the same support group for survivors of domestic violence. Key had told him, hesitating and anxious, and Key trusted Jinki with that part of his past. That night was the same Jinki realized he didn't want to search for anyone else, that Key and his bruised parts -- not broken, because Key was anything but broken or defective -- were all he wanted.

"Jonghyun is the one that forced me to leave that man." Key never put a name to his abuser, only referring to him as _that_ man. In the darkness of Jinki's bedroom, Key huddled in his arms and told him about his past. About the things he lived through. " I didn’t really know better. My parents’ relationship wasn’t exactly healthy.” Key admitted, the only thing he ever says about his parents. “I didn’t know better. I just thought that was how relationships worked.”

Key shrugged and when the sun began rising, recalled in a low whisper about the night things went too far.“ _That_ man put me in the hospital. The ER doctor called Jonghyun since he was my emergency contact and Jonghyun refused to let me go back.” Key had shuddered, Jinki tightened his arms around him in response. “I was terrified. I wanted to go back because I knew what would happen if I tried leaving—Jonghyun was really there for me. He also made me go to therapy.” Key smiled, bitter. “You should have seen me two years ago. I was a mess. Terrified of my own shadow.

“It’s made Jonghyun a little protective.” Key had said. “I don’t think he ever forgot how I looked at the hospital.”

"That's why I wanted to meet you in person." Jinki says simply. "If I were in your place, I would have reservations about who my younger sibling dated as well."

Jonghyun leans back, consideration lining his face. "Huh, Key's never told anyone he dated before."

Jinki breathes in deeply. “I want you to get to know me better. I want to be in Key’s future, and one day I would like it if you could trust me with him. I plan to be around for as long as Key wants me.” And he can’t say it anymore simply, bare his heart anymore than he already has. He knows that it will take awhile for Key’s brother to approve of him, but whereas in the past Jinki would have been bolting in the face of real Commitment, today he’s content to be as patient as he needs to be to call Key his for the rest of their lives.

“You—you’re surprising.” Jonghyun grins. “I think I might like you.”


	24. Witchcraft

Lee Jinki is born with the pentagram in his hand. A vivid red star enclosed in a circle in his tiny fist. His parents weren’t apart of the New Religion, but they didn’t hold to the Old Ways either. It was needless to say, a shock to have a witch born into the family.

It’d been a long time since a witch was born into the family. His umma’s family were ecstatic and there’d been hope his aunts would give birth to witches as well. His appa’s family had been less obvious about their enthusiasm, but no one thought it was coincidence Jinki had a bunch of cousins only a couple months younger than him.

Having a witch in the family is an honor, and when Jinki survives turning thirteen, there’s a giant party where his parents’ families mingle awkwardly because he’s an oddity in both the family trees and his appa’s family is convinced his umma cuckolded his father.

“You survived,” His cousins says in awe.

“Well, yes,” He says because his heart is still beating and he’s still breathing.

When witches turn thirteen years old – down to the exact minute and second – their powers unlock fully. A weak person can die from it. (Which everyone knew to be absolute bad luck and his parents’ butcher shop would have been ruined and there was just a lot more pressure than Jinki _dying_ that he didn’t need on his thirteenth birthday.) The body becomes so shocked it shuts down.

On his thirteenth birthday, Jinki sat on a cushion in the middle of the living room. All the furniture was pushed as far away from as possible and while he didn’t have a seizure or start foaming at the mouth, or go crazy with power and run through the streets screaming like the dumpling shop’s daughter, he did somehow manage to give himself a concussion. No one is quite sure how he managed it, but the most popular theory involves a sneeze, his powers maturing and a knee.

Witches are treated special.

His family receives a lot of business. Everyone wants to use the butcher shop that’s clearly been blessed by the divine powers. They also get invited to a lot of gatherings. Their neighbors like to show off that they know the family with the witch son and his umma usually ends up having to make up a lot of excuses when people (usually grandmothers) try conning them into a marriage contract.

This special treatment makes Lee Jinki all the more awkward. He isn’t very special or very magical. He’s just him, and he just happened to be born with a red pentagram.

But it makes his parents proud, so he practices.

To be honest, Jinki doesn’t really see the point in learning how to make a pencil spin, but it makes his parents happy, so he does it. A lot of it he doesn't see the point to. Like, sure, it's kind of cool if he concentrates he can move things with his mind, but he can also move things with his hands too? It isn't that spectacular.

As he gets older, the witchcraft gets more inconvenient.

He can start fires with his mind now too. And while animes and movies make that power look like the best one, he has to carry burn cream in his pockets because the things he sets on fire the most are in his hands and the six months after that power emerged, he always had bandages wrapped around his hands, which was very annoying when he had to take notes for class. Apparently being able to create fires didn't necessarily makes one fireproof, and Jinki would love to have a conversation with the divine powers on that logic, really, he would.

Overall, he's a good son.

He does well in school and despite setting his pencils and books on fire, he finishes second in his class. He's enrolled in a great university for the following fall that promises to make him a successful member of society (although he has his doubts and honestly would just settle for avoiding a life of crime) and helps his family run the shop. He's rather content with life, and then the dreams start.

Sleep becomes a frenemy.

Jinki loves sleeping in his soft bed and downy comforter. Resting is one of his favorite things to do and waking up is one of his most hated. There's just something about being able to relax and dream that Jinki thinks is better than any addiction. If his umma wasn't the type to bustle in and beat him with his pillow, he'd gladly surrender to sleep and never wake up.

And now it's an even bigger problem.

When he closes his eyes to gather some sleep, he dreams.

He dreams of a boy.

The boy is a little younger than him, and fey. His dark hair makes his skin appear flawless and creamy. The boy's features are sharp and fierce and staring at him, Jinki thinks of beauty and violence. There's a wildness in the boy calling to the wild in Jinki. The boy's eyes alone -- his eyes should be guarded as a national treasure. They glitter in passion in slanted cervices and remind him of brewing hurricanes. He doesn't understand the tug towards the younger boy, until he sees the red pentagram in his left hand.

Jinki dreams of the boy awake in the middle of the night, sitting in a dark room only illuminated by the single lamp by his knee. The other witch is usually seated crossed legged, surrounded by swatches of fabric and a threaded needle in hand. Sometimes he's silent as he works, concentration sparking in his eyes like fury. Other times, the times Jinki wishes he could dream of more often, the younger witch speaks.

Jinki likes the sharpness of the boy's cheekbones and how they contrast the softness of his mouth, especially when he reveals himself to the fabric in his lap and he overhears everything.

"This magic works the best if I share myself. My magic creates blessings and wishes that seep into the fabric and they last for years." The younger witch explains to his project as he creates stitches. "So the more personal information I share, the more of power I transfer to you and the longer the magic lasts. And you have a very important job."

The other witch never says what the slowly forming quilt's job is, or if he does, it's the nights Jinki isn't dreaming of him, which aren't often.

"I come from a clan of witches." The fey boy says. "My umma met my father the night she became pregnant with me, and I've never met him." And Jinki's heard of the older witch clans, especially the ones that adhere to the Old Ways, doing that. "Traditions like that are important, especially since my grandmother is the clan queen." The boy falls silent.

When Jinki wakes up, he researches witch clans. He reads the papers written on the differences between clan children and witch children like Jinki. A clan child is often isolated from the rest of society, and more respected for it. If Jinki had to pick which witch he'd want a blessing from, he'd pick the one who'd grown up with years of experience rather than the one self taught like him. He can't find very much information about what being a clan queen's grandson means for his dream boy because the clans are so secretive, but from what everyone does know, the title of clan queen is passed to the first born. The boy Jinki dreams of might be younger than eighteen now, but in a few decades, he might be ruling his clan.

It awes Jinki a little because the only thing he might rule is his parents' shop, and to be honest that isn’t very appealing.

The more Jinki sleeps, the more he dreams and the more he learns. The clan child tells his growing quilt and an invisible Jinki his stories.

"My best friend, Jonghyun, has the siren gift." The younger boy says. "Before we realized it, he made everyone fall in love with him." The boy makes a face. "Including me, but that's when we realized what his stupid singing was doing because ew. We were basically raised in the same playpen.

"I haven't seen my umma in a few months. She disappeared with her human lover, although grandmother says that's normal. She said she was actually surprised umma stayed around so long to raise me." The younger witch snorts. "As if sixteen years is very long compared to a lifespan of centuries."

Jinki ignores why discovering the witch's age is so important to him. He actually ignores a lot of things. He pretends not to know why he yearns to sleep or why seeing the younger witch is so important to him. Jinki carefully avoids thinking about how badly he wants to stroke dark hair and touch sharp cheekbones and comfort the other witch when his silences become pained.

In this dream the boy's fingers are calling to him. They move the needle through the fabric swiftly and expertly. He never sees the boy scowl and restart. They dart like sparrows after seeds. It's the concentration in his face that Jinki's falling in love with. The boy's beauty -- were boys considered beautiful, Jinki doesn’t know, it never came up before -- is apparent, but it's the fierceness of his mind appearing in his eyes and expressions that Jinki holds his breath for.

He tells Jinki everything he’s ever been curious about, and it’s a dream – his wishes are supposed to come true.

"I can understand a little, why umma ran away." The witch boy admits one night. "The clan can be so strict and oppressive. Sometimes, I have to escape too. I usually go dancing with Taemin-- but it's strictly platonic. His parents abandoned him when he was born with the pentagram and I helped raise him and that would be weird."

The days and nights continues, and every morning his umma wakes him up, the more concerned she becomes.

"You worry me." Umma says one morning, smoothing his hair from his face. "All this sleep can't be good."

He doesn't want to worry her about the bells ringing in his head or the vertigo that makes him stumble over his feet with greater frequency, and stays quiet. He wants to go back to bed, to sleep and be content.

"Go sit outside. You need the fresh air." Umma orders.

He can hear her airing out his bedding from the front step. It sounds like fingers snapping. Achy and nauseous from the vertigo, he rests his head against the building and falls sleep.

He slips into a coma, the eldest witch in their neighborhood explains, when he wakes up two weeks later. He has no regrets, not even when faced with his parents’ red rimmed eyes, because he spent those two weeks dreaming about the younger witch and he learned his name. For the name alone, Jinki was willing to offer a pound of flesh. _Kibum_. He got to see his dream boy sleep during the day, sunlight against his skin and go out with who Jinki assumes is Taemin and be teased by someone he thinks might be Jonghyun and go about his clan duties and it was so valuable--

Sometimes he thought Kibum could sense him. The younger boy sometimes looking around the room with curiosity. When Jinki dreams of being with Kibum, it's like he's a ghost. He can't move anything or be heard, except for the quilt. The quilt Kibum is making, Jinki can touch and the magic in the fabric buzzes across his skin. Almost like Kibum's magic is greeting him and loves him like he loves Kibum. At those times, he can feel his own magic like he's never felt it before, pooling in his hands to seep into the quilt too. But that can't be possible because Jinki can't affect anything in his dreams, and certainly he can't infuse Kibum's project.

Except he finds out he can and probably did.

"It's called astral projection, Jinki-ahh." Miyung-sshi says, the oldest witch in the neighborhood, so old she actually has white hair and wrinkles. "You can't physically touch the world, but you can do so with your magic."

And suddenly being able to make a pencil move with his mind makes so much more sense, and he feels like he’s lost an opportunity to be helpful.

"But why?" He asks.

"I can't be sure." Miyung-sshi pierces him with a serious gaze. "But I can guarantee you that whoever you dream about is important." The dreams stop at Miyung-sshi’s insistence. “You can kill yourself, Jinki-ahh. The weight you’ve lost is because of your magic.”

And it’s harder, the hardest thing he’s ever done. Not seeing Kibum every night shortens his temper and changes him inside. He doesn’t realize how much he’s acting like a junkie without a fix, until his umma corners him in his room.

“Sweetheart, this has to stop.” She pleads. “Here, I want you to go find this person. I want you to be with him or kidnap him, but most importantly I want you to smile again.”

The summer is ending and he has his umma's blessing. There isn't much more for him to do, except pack a bag and hunt for the boy in his dreams. "I have always been proud of you, my son." His appa says before he leaves.

Witch clans keep to isolated towns. He gets off a bus in a province he isn't very similar with. It's quiet and everyone wears black.

It's turning fall and the new school year is beginning. He gets odd looks. Most of the students are going the opposite way, school over for the day. Some of them smile knowingly and whisper, "Good luck."

Under Miyung--sshi's teachings, he learned how to use his gift proficiently. He can dream walk intentionally and control his movements. He's also learned how to follow his instincts. "Your magic won't steer you wrong." Miyung--sshi said. "Magic is life."

It leads him to this small school the students wearing black vests and blazers and pants and shiny black shoes are coming from. The students have neat hair and they all bear the red pentagram.

And there, on the front steps is his dream boy, sitting with the quilt on his lap and elbows on his knees. In person he looks gorgeous and Jinki trips a little, startled to find those eyes he adores so much on him and no one else. There's a smile on his face, showcasing his dimples. Not one of his smirks that he shares with Jonghyun frequently. Not a smile that only plays at the edges of his mouth he gives to Taemin. An honest smile that reflexively makes Jinki beam back because that happiness is for _him_.

" _You_." Jinki says when he's close enough.

"Hello creeper," Kibum greets, still jewel bright. "I've been waiting for you for months."

Kibum stands up, holding the quilt in his arms. "I love you quite desperately." And he's taller than Jinki because of the steps he's standing on and he shoves the quilt into Jinki's arms and when Jinki is busy grasping the fabric, bestows a kiss on him.

A sweet and chaste kiss that does everything to electrify his every nerve. Kibum's magic reaches for his and they twist together and twine like rope or chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream cone.

"Finally," Kibum sighs, dreamy and playful. Jinki hums back his agreement. He doesn’t think he can manage real words just yet. His skin still tingles.“Do you still regret being born a witch, Jinki?”

“I think I’ve finally found a way to make it useful.” Jinki murmurs, all his negative connotations attached to witchcraft dropping away.


	25. XOXO

Key doesn't like heights.

He doesn't really care for velocity either. What Key hates, however, is being stuffed into a ride with no safety features besides the plastic and metal bar keeping him strapped in that inches upwards and bursts with sudden velocity. Roller-coasters suck.

Key doesn't like love.

Love feels exactly like he's on the apex of the first hill, staring down the rest of the track with nervous sweat making his neck and hands sticky and then that fucking drop. His stomach connecting with his spine and his throat going hoarse because all he can do is scream and pray it'll be over soon because this is the worst. He can't believe people do this for fun.

Being in love pisses Key off.

Lee Jinki is a clumsy idiot.

He tangles his feet in air and smacks into walls. He tells corny jokes and the puns are enough to make Key roll his eyes. Lee Jinki is awkward. He's a famous idol and can't believe fans adore him. He refuses to see what's in the mirror and Key wants to strangle him. He loves someone with a sunny smile, the sun's rays dim in comparison, and a quirky sense of humor. Key is stupidly in love with someone whose limbs aren't always under his control. Like there's no brain to limb communication and Jinki's body moves on its own. A terrible trait except he touches Key without thinking, like he has a right to. He's so, not beautiful because he's a man, devastating good-looking. And that sounds too plain for what Key really thinks, and there has to be better words to describe how Jinki makes Key flush an ugly red down to his chest when Jinki thoughtlessly pets Key.

Being in love sucks. 

It makes him feel stupid, and he wants to be done with it.

But it's not like he can walk up to Jinki and kiss him and say, "I like-like you, you asshole." As kind and nice as Jinki is he'd still probably punch Key and embarrass him to death with stuttering apologies and “Um, I like you, just not like _that_ ,” which Key can live without.

And people _want_ to fall in love. Lunatics. Every single one of them.

His mood is rotten and he knows it.

And so does everyone else.

"You're such a bitch!" Jonghyun shouts because he's under the assumption as Key's best friend Key won't murder him. Little does he know Key is setting his alarm for the middle of the night in order to hold a pillow over Jonghyun's face.

"I'm sorry!" Taemin says a lot because Key has a temper that leaves as quickly as it comes and usually apologies spare him the older boy's wrath but this time it doesn't work. Key feels a little bad when he makes Taemin's eyes water -- but still, the goddamn kitchen, there was mold growing in the dishes, that takes time and special effort, _Taemin_ \-- and snarls at Kai from EXO that SHINee’s baby is staying with him for the foreseeable future.

Minho never says anything when Key's moods erupt. He levels Key with a glare instead and looms. It always makes Key take a deep breath to try and calm down. Minho has proven in front of witnesses he's willing to pin Key down and wait for Key's abuse to sizzle out. Key does a lot of deep breathing and bites his lip raw with everything he’s holding in.

Jinki asks, serious and worried, "Are you okay?" And other variations of the same question and Key has to replace their dishes after he hurls glasses and plates at the walls in a fit of helpless rage every time he lies to Jinki and smiles and says, "Just stress, old man," and Jinki smiles back, hopeful that Key will regain his humanity.

Key spends so often lovesick and angry he forgets he can be anything else.

"You're a monster." Woohyun says. "Jonghyun is trying to find someone willing to perform an exorcism. I gave Taemin the number to a good psychiatrist when he called crying. And I'm pretty sure Minho wants to beat you senseless."

Key sulks and frowns. "Why are you talking to them?"

"They're under the misguided impression I'm the problem." Woohyun surveys Key. "God, you're an asshole. I'm telling Jinki-hyung to let Minho beat your ass. Man up and just tell _him._ "

He doesn’t think it’d be so bad if he could just say it to Jinki, just once and be done with the whole situation. He’s a very honest person and not being able to say what’s on his mind is eating away at him. One tiny piece of his sanity at a time. It’d almost be worth ruining his friendship with the older boy if it meant he could take a step back and breathe and be himself again.

“Your advice sucks,” He counters instead.

His band mates stage an intervention in the dorm when he snips and snarks at producers, managers and MCs too often and Heechul from Super Junior, on behalf of the entertainment industry, tells SHINee to put Key's muzzle back on.

"So, you have a problem." Jonghyun says. "I'm pretty sure you've been possessed by a demon. On the behalf of everyone, please give Key back. We would be very grateful, demon. In return, I'm authorized to offer twelve virgins."

"Who authorized you to offer twelve virgins?" Key asks.

"The Lockets did. I have a copy of their petition." Jonghyun informs.

"Huh," Key sits back, a little stunned but mostly pleased.

His fans are the best. Pure awesome. He doesn’t know of anyone else’s fan base willing to offer themselves up to demons to save their idols.

"And if Taemin could move back in that'd be great."  Minho says dryly.

"He can come back whenever he wants." Key shrugs and glances at the youngest of their group. It was for his own safety Key pushed him out but if he wanted to come back, well, it's not like he never gave Taemin the chance at escaping.

"That's okay!" The maknae says at the same time. "I'm in no rush."

Jinki sighs and rubs his nose. "You're intimidating him." He sounds amused but tired and guilt begins gnawing at Key.

"I'm looking at him!" Key protests. With intensity and viciousness but it’s just his eyes. Baby Taemin is just too sensitive.

"Witness tampering!" Jonghyun accuses.

"He hasn't witnessed anything, dumbass." Key snorts. _But he will be,_ Key silently promises, _if you don't stop being you_.

"Right," Minho says and casually flexes his arms.

Key glares and closes his mouth with a sharp click.

"Key, what's wrong?" Jinki finally asks. This time his voice promises “no” to any of Key's platitudes and guarantees a solution will be reached tonight or there will be blood. It's his Onew personality shining through and Key shivers slightly. That voice...

"Nothing--" Minho cracks his knuckles. "I just haven't felt well."

"Are you seriously just getting sick?" Jonghyun demands. "Because if you are I'm admitting you to the hospital and leaving you there."

"How so?" Jinki asks, pointedly ignoring the others’ antics.

"Just nerves. Stomach aches." Key says shortly. He shrugs. "Stress."

"Stress?" Jonghyun asks skeptically. "You're being a bitch because of a little stress?"

Key bites his tongue, hard. He knows he's being baited. Jonghyun knows that he knows he’s being baited and is going to be more of a dick to make Key breakdown and murder him just to prove a point. He’s not going to stoop to that level in front of witnesses. Minho will just pull him off and Jinki will give him the disappointed eyes and Taemin will waver between going to Jonghyun’s side or Key’s and it’d just be a mess. Key is being the bigger person here.

“What kind of stomach aches?” Minho asks practical. “It could be something serious.”

Key sighs and rubs his face. It’s not like he can say, _I’m experiencing unrequited love. It feels like I have to throw up my intestines when Jinki is near. I have to shower twice a day. Once in the morning to feel ready for the day and once in the evening to clean the sweat off that Jinki’s mere proximity has caused._

“Like the ‘flu,” He decides on. “Or how I feel after we go to the amusement park. Nothing serious.”

“That sounds bad.” Taemin disagrees. “The last time we went you heaved for over an hour.”

“Last time we went a bunch of assholes dragged me on every ride twice.” Key glares.

“It made good TV.” Jonghyun smiles in remembrance.

“You didn’t have to comfort him in the bathroom.” Jinki disagrees.

Key remembers that. It made the whole thing worth it. Having Jinki apply a wet cloth to the back of his neck and stroking his back afterwards is the only thing that saved their blackmailing manager from suffering the biggest temper tantrum never before seen by SM. Luckily, SHINee’s leader had soothed Key into a docile kitten.

In the now, the oldest is frowning. He’s gazing at Key like he has all the puzzle pieces to figure him out but the picture that’s forming doesn’t match the one on the box. Key isn’t sure he likes what that look might mean for him.

“How come? Is your schedule too much for you?” Jonghyun asks. “If so you can stop doing that silly ToHeart thing, and rest.” He beams proud of himself, and Key doesn’t know why since he’s being stupid.

“When I’m dead, maybe.” Key retorts.

“Woohyun would understand.” Minho says. “When I called him he said you might appreciate taking a long break with Jinki and the rest of us.”

Jinki’s brow furrows more.

“Is that it? Do you miss us?” Taemin asks.

“If that’s so, you should have just said so, you big girl,” Jonghyun laughs and punches Key lightly on the shoulder. “We’ll have a slumber party and braid each others’ hair and watch chick flicks.”

Swatting expertly at Jonghyun, Key focuses on Minho. “Woohyun said that?” He’s going to kill that interfering son of a bitch. “What else did he say?” He must say it too intensely because everyone draws back in surprise. But really, Woohyun knew too much. Despite what he said or didn’t say, clearly the other guy had to go before his loose lips sink Key’s ships.

“More than I think I realized,” Minho says slowly.

“And from that I think we can all assume he knows what crawled up your ass and died.” Jonghyun says. “And that hurts. I thought we were best friends.”

“Woohyun-hyung knows what’s bothering you?” Taemin asks, sounding hurt.

Jinki is ignoring the commotion of the other members. He’s transferring his piercing focus from each member to Key and back. Key stares back and waits for his friend to reach his conclusion. Women have perfected the art of speaking in glances, hints and small actions. Subtlety. Key’s always looked to the women in his life to learn how to act. Of course he picked up the little habits. What he doesn’t do speaks louder than what he does do and the evidence is piled high against Key if someone has an eye out for it.

Jinki meets his eyes in astonishment.

Even possessed by a demon, Key treats Jinki infinitely better than any other member. The only way an ‘outsider’ would know personal business involving SHINee without anyone saying anything was if it was obvious to everyone looking in. Woohyun mentioned Jinki’s name specifically. Key only lets Jinki calm him down. He described the symptoms of falling in love. The only way he would have been more obvious would have been if he described his stomach aches as butterflies.

“Kibum-ah,” Jinki implores in the chaos of the SHINee intervention.

The other members still. Jonghyun’s eyebrows high; he looks confused. Minho catches on the fastest. A small “Ah-ha,” falling from his lips. He grabs Jonghyun from the couch by the wrist and Taemin by the scruff of his neck. “We’re going to do something not here.”

“But why?” Taemin asks, being dragged out.

For a wild second Key’s tempted to call them back. Anything to prolong this conversation. He isn’t ready. Jinki is still trying to dissect him with his eyes. It puts Key on the defensive, naturally, and it’s not like Jinki doesn’t know now. Key just has to say it aloud and then he can go back to himself.

He aggressively moves closer so there will be no confusion. He wants it out in the open and he wants to keep it there. He feels like a cat stalking a rabbit. The rabbit is holding still with wide eyes. Fluff quivering with the need to run away because a predator is coming close but at the same time, this rabbit was raised alongside the cat and recognized a long time ago the cat likes to pounce, making the rabbit choke on his heart, in order to aggressively cuddle and groom him and—

Unrequited love is making Key lose his mind, he concludes and puts his face in Jinki’s. This just can’t continue.

“I’m in love with you,” Key says every word clearly. “And we just have to deal with that. Sorry.”

Brown eyes big and blazing are all Key sees, because if he’s making their friendship awkward, he might as well go all the way. He darts for a kiss. A brief nuzzling of noses before the press of mouths. His stomach lurches. The other boy’s lips are softer than he expected with how often Jinki bites his lip. It’s awkward and hesitant, but this is his only chance and he does his best to make a memory that will tide him over for the rest of his life. He pulls away and is trying to scramble backwards and out of hitting range, but Jinki follows him and they crash to the floor. Key, on his back, wheezes at the weight of Jinki sprawled on top of him.

A flush rushes across Jinki's face, but it's the same embarrassed determination he gets when his voice cracks during a live performance or falls on stage. It's a good look, Key thinks, but he might be slightly biased.

"You don't get to make yourself and everyone else miserable because of me. I'm not worth it." Key's told quietly and Jinki is a stupid human being, why does he say things like that? Key is preparing a sharp retort but is interrupted sharply. "Listen! If we do this, you don't get to leave. Not when you're finally where I want you." There's a wildness present in Jinki that he rarely allows to be seen and Key can't breathe. He's feeling young and reckless, on the edge of something huge. "You," and Key hears all the variations of his name used in that word -- Kibum, Kibummie, Key, Kim, Almighty. "Don't get to leave me. So. If you want we can forget about this. Pretend it never happened." Jinki sounds broken and ruined at that suggestion and Key's in agreement. "Or you can just accept that I love you back."

The thing about roller coasters is Key keeps getting back on them.

"Okay," He cracks. "I _want_ \--" the world and everything Jinki's promising -- "I won't leave."

He's dissected again, being measured for sincerity and regret and Jinki must find what he is and isn't looking forward because this time Key's being kissed and the memory is going to never be forgotten because it's being written across his tongue to always remind him on every exhale.

It’s more than he could ever hope for, and he promises to exorcise the demon inside as long as Jinki stays too.


	26. Y

**Yoga**

Before and after dance practice Key and Onew stretch together, and they've done so for years and the yoga happens on accident, really, and they've stumbled upon some poses and it only makes sense to look up more and it's intimidating how intimate doing it on purpose is but how essential it becomes to feel that close to another human being physically, and maybe a little spiritually.

**Yogurt**

Frozen yogurt is supposed to be healthier than ice cream, and he has a cup full of watermelon flavored sweetness that's tempting, but Key craves the pleasure that will appear on Onew's face if Key holds out the red spoon more than he’d care to admit, ever. “Hey hyung, want some?”

**Yoyo**

Key is tired of being a human yoyo, always pushed towards Jonghyun in public and pulled towards Onew in private and determines to have his way before he gets motion sickness.

**Yard**

The grass is perfectly cut and cushiony green, which Onew appreciates on his back with Key looking down at him, knees framing his hips and hands on either side of Onew's head, Key's infectious smile asking for a kiss.

**Yell**

They've only known each other a few months, and Kibum's never known Jinki-hyung to be more than sweet tempered and kind which is why he's shocked when Jinki yells in the privacy of their tiny dorm, for Kibum's ears alone, about his displeasure for the company that owns them.

**Yes**

Enthusiastic begging is Onew's favorite kink and when he has Kibum gasping, “Yes,” like it’s the only word he knows, it's a wish fulfilled.

**Year**

Onew and Key fall in love in the course of a year: four seasons, twelve months, 365 days, 8766 hours and 31, 536,000 seconds and it's so slow because it's in the little offhand and everyday moments that it happens, but it's worth it one year and kiss later.

**Yellow**

"But why yellow?" Onew pouts and he prefers wearing black for a reason, but Key is insisting otherwise and the younger man finally rolls his eyes in exasperation. "Because yellow is the color of joy, idiot, and it matches your stupid star eyes and gross smile. Now shut up and put it on."

**Yours**

"I'm yours." Key protests, the silver couple ring glimmering like his eyes already around his finger. "Not a girl."

**Yawn**

"Are you yawning because of the speech or because Onew kept you up late again?" Jonghyun whispers, wiggling his eyebrow salaciously at Key across a smug Onew's lap.

**Youth**

Four decades later and the love in Kibum's eyes still makes him feel twenty-something and on top of the world.

**Yummy**

Kibum has a habit of feeding him that Onew doesn't mind because it's always delicious, and makes Kibum grin silly.


	27. Zeal

Onew pushes Key on the bed.

The younger man bounces slightly at the force. His eyes are wide and dark, surprise and lust both vying for control. He's breathing heavily. Red marks bloom on his chest from where Onew couldn't resist tasting him, trying to taste his way to the younger man's heart. Key gets up in his elbow, but Onew applies pressure to his chest, forcing the man back on his back with a quiet grunt. He smirks at Key before moving to straddle him. His bare knees touch Key's bare hip bones and he decides then that this is his favorite look for Key.

The fashionista always looks good. It's a rare day Onew doesn't want to pull off Key's clothes and throw them into a disarray around the room. But like this, under Onew, pants partially pulled down his thighs and cock straining against his underwear, panting with his shirt off and Onew's bites and bruises decorating him, is his absolute favorite.

"You should see how pretty you are." He teases against Key's mouth, avoiding all attempts Key makes to kiss him. He enjoys Key's whines too much, the desperation laced in his voice. "So gorgeous and all mine."

Onew grinds down over Key's bulge and grins at Key's sharp, " _Onew_." Key's head is thrown back, throat bared and begging to be bitten.

He's devoting his attention to making Key feel it without leaving much of a mark, Key's fingers buried in his hair pushing for more. Key's hands are never harsh in his hair, always gentle and petting. It's behavior that deserves a reward and he presses a kiss behind Key's ear.

"Poor Kibum," he pulls away and strokes a hand down Key's chest. "Are you frustrated?"

"Onew," Key whimpers. "Please, please, please," and everyone assumes Onew lets Key disrespect him and never collects retribution but here, in his bedroom in their bed, Key is never more polite, never more agreeable, never more _respectful_.

"You were gone all day and I was so lonely." He sighs against Kibum's mouth. He rubs their cheeks together and enjoys the hand that loosens from his hair to glide across his back instead.

"I'm sorry." Key whispers into his ear.

"I know, kitten. I don't blame you. You're working so _hard_." He rubs the front of Key's underwear and enjoys the soft breaths and smirks at his own pun. "I just want you to lay back and enjoy yourself. Let me take care of you."

He shimmies off Key to remove his own clothes and grab the lube from the floor where it rolled after he last used it. "Move up." Key drags himself upwards and Onew returns back to straddling his hips, releasing Key's dick from cotton.

He opens the bottle, spilling enough on his hand and hands off it to Key who is quick to close it back up. There's a question in his eyes when Onew applies the oil to his dick only, down and twist, up and twist, and pushes to his knees to guide the younger man in, in, in.

Key's eyes lose some of their lust, concern viable, "Onew," he tries restraining him with a hand on Onew's hip, the other occupied by lube.

"I've got this, kitten." Onew comforts and uses his free hand to pin Key's hand above his head. He sinks down on Key's dick slowly and relishes in the gasp torn from Key's throat. It's tight, even with the hour he dedicated to fingering himself open before Key got home.

"Fuck!" Key yelps and Onew can't stop his smirk.

It's slow, too slow, and his skin is hot and feverish by the time he's able to sink down all the way. "See what happens when you leave me all alone?"

“ _Fuck_ ,” Key repeats, choked and hands tight on hips.

Onew chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. These were written and posted on my phone, which, oh my god, is really fucking hard. Hopefully, I now have onkey out of my system. Thank you for reading!


End file.
